6 - Between Choices

There is no point in living in the past. You can never change them no matter how much you relive them. We could only learn from them and make sure that the painful history that we want to forget would not repeat itself. In our world, moving forward is the only option.

While the past is unchangeable, the future is very malleable.

Even though Ryan knew that there’s nothing he could do to undone every mistake he had made in the past, he still couldn’t stop but hope that he could just wish them away.

One mistake was all it took for his life to change forever. One mistake and he had lost the best thing that ever happened to him.

Still, Ryan is optimistic. If he could not undo that mistake, then he could just make things right.

Things should’ve been so easy when he returned to Estrella, but the moment he reconnected with Seb, he slowly finds out that he was mistaken.

Seb was still hesitant in talking to him. Ryan wanted to apologize for not coming back, but Seb would always change the subject. He wasn’t ready to talk about the past, and Ryan didn’t push it.

He might not act like it, but Ryan could tell that something is different about Seb. His smile was different, it had a hint of undeniable sadness. They were together, but Seb seemed so distant.

Ryan couldn’t blame him, after all, if he hadn’t left, then Seb wouldn’t go through all that pain.

That Thursday, Ryan came to the office, still a bit groggy. He couldn’t really sleep as he kept on thinking how much pain he had caused to make Seb change.

“Atty. Cortez, the contractor of the office, Nora Jones is here to see you.” The office receptionist told him over the office phone.

“Me? I’m not in charge of her billing, send her to the accounting.” Ryan replied.

“She just got her check from the accounting, she said she wants to talk about your step-cousin.” The receptionist said.

Ryan sighed. “Let her in my office.” He said.

“So, you’re the infamous Ryan.” Nora said as she walked into Ryan’s office.

“Infamous? Me?” He asked, oblivious to what Nora was talking about.

“Yes. You. The only crazy guy stupid enough to leave Seb.” Nora said with a grin. “Not my words, don’t get me wrong.” She added.

“I guess, I am that guy.” Ryan admitted.

“Tell me, Ryan, what’s your game plan? What are trying to achieve here?

“Could you be more specific?

“First it was cleaning your luxurious place, now he also has to cook for you. What’s next? Drive your expensive car for you, shop for your luxury brand clothes, buy expensive gifts for your woman?” Nora spoke so quickly and with conviction.

Undoubtedly, Ryan was being interrogated.

“If you’re suggesting that I’m planning on bossing Seb around and showing off to him, then you can relax, I would never do such horrible things to him. I know it might be difficult to believe, coming from the guy who broke his promise, but I do care about Seb.” Ryan said with all the sincerity in his heart.

He owed all his dreams to Seb. When things seemed impossible for Ryan, it was Seb who believed in him, cheered him on. If not for Seb, Ryan wouldn’t even have a dream.

It broke his heart, it fills him with regret and guilt that those who care about Seb were afraid that he came back just to hurt him. Ryan could just imagine how much pain he caused Seb for them to be that protective, for them to be that apprehensive towards him.

“Seb already went through enough, he’s getting better, so please keep your word and don’t hurt him.” Nora said before leaving his office.

“What was that about?” Cara Philips, another young lawyer at the firm asked as she entered Ryan’s office after Nora walked out.

“She just came in to say hi.” Ryan said. “Do you need anything?” He asked politely.

“Yeah…” Cara’s tone sounded foreboding and annoyed. “You need to talk to your woman.” She said.

“My woman?” Ryan asked. For a second there, Ryan forgot that he was still in a relationship with Hannah. His thoughts were too preoccupied with Seb that he just forgot. “You mean Hannah?

“Yes. Talk to her. Tell her to back off.” Cara said seriously with fiery eyes.

“What did she do now?” Ryan had every right to be worried, knowing how overbearing Hannah could be.

“She just asked me if I’m the reason why you decided to relocate back here. And it’s not only me. It’s every. Woman. In this. Office.” Carla hissed angrily.

“Fuck.” Ryan muttered in anger. “I’m sorry, I’ll talk to her.

There’s only one reason why Hannah would suddenly act like that; Ryan’s mother must’ve told her something.

Ryan was so pissed off. By moving back to Estrella, he thought that he could finally get away from the people trying to control his life, but he was wrong. No distance could stop them. He was so tired of it all, he just wanted his old life back.

Getting his old life back was impossible, nothing would ever be the same, but though he couldn’t attain, Ryan, at the very least, wants to have the same connection with Seb as he once had.

That Thursday, Ryan didn’t hear from Seb at all. When Friday came, Ryan actually hesitated on going to work. He wasn’t sure what time Seb would come to his place and clean, and he wanted to see him.

They agreed on taking things slow, but Ryan wanted to see if Seb was ready to be friends with him again. He just couldn’t wait.

He knew he was being unfair. Seb waited for him for five years and yet he couldn’t even wait a single day. The whole day, Ryan was preoccupied with one thought; going home to a meal cooked by Seb.

When Ryan got home that night, even before changing clothes, he went to the kitchen and saw the note Seb left on the fridge’s door. There was a simple instruction on how he could heat up the meal perfectly.

A big smile came out of Ryan’s lips the moment he took out the dish from the fridge. It was his favorite; tomato and cheese-based beef stew. Seb still knows him too well.

After heating up the stew, Ryan took a spoonful and as the wonderful flavors exploded in his mouth, his mind was flooded with the happy memories he had with Seb. Those times were undeniably the best time in his life, and he hated himself for wasting it.

Ryan had a small smile of regret as his heart felt heavy with guilt. He could remember that taste so well, it was undeniably Seb’s cooking.

It shouldn’t have taken him that long to come home. He was such a fool.

He was about to take another spoonful when he heard the door opening. He instantly thought that it was Seb, even though it seemed impossible. He wanted it to be Seb.

“You’re here early. Don’t you always like doing overtime?” Hannah walked into the dining area with a smile. She was pulling a piece of small baggage and was holding an insulated bag.

It was true, on a normal day, Ryan would’ve chosen to stay late at the office, but that night was different. That night, a home-cooked meal was waiting for him. A meal made by Seb.

“What are you doing here?” Ryan asked her coldly, remembering the message she sent to Ryan’s office the day before.

“It’s a weekend tomorrow, I was thinking we could spend some time together.” Hannah replied.

“You should’ve called before you decided to come here.” Ryan told her coldly.

“Why are you acting like that?” Hannah complained as she walked towards the table. “Are you eating already? Let me clear that up, your mom cooked your favorite dish, I’ll heat it up.

Hannah tried to take the plate in front of Ryan but he quickly slid it away. “I’m eating this. You could eat that instead.” He replied.

“Ryan, your mom cooked this for you, are you really choosing that dish over hers?” Hannah asked.

I chose her before, but looked where it got me? Ryan thought to himself.

“I’m eating this.” Ryan repeated. “I feel like I would lose my appetite if I eat that.” He added.

“How long are you going to be so cold towards your mother, Ryan?” Hannah asked him.

“How long are you and Mama would try to control my life?” He asked back. “Be honest, you decided to come here not to spend time with me but to keep an eye on me. You and Mama must be getting closer since now you have the same person to hate.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Hannah replied.

“Cut it ou, Hannah.” Ryan was doing his best to keep calm. He stayed seated at the table, not wanting to escalate things even further. “I know about the message you sent to the whole office? What were you thinking? Do you know how embarrassing that was?

“Then what do you expect me to do? Just sit around and wait until that woman steal you back?” Hannah asked him back impatiently. “From what I heard from your mother, she’s a terrible person…”

“Stop it, don’t try my patience right now.” Ryan argued back. He couldn’t believe what his mother had done. She was so embarrassed, so appalled that Ryan had a homosexual relationship with Seb that she completely changed his identity. And how can she even insult Seb after everything they had done to him.

She hasn’t changed a bit, she hasn’t regretted what they did, but instead, she was still angry that Seb kicked them out after learning their thievery and betrayal.

“So you’re defending her?” Hannah scoffed. “Was that offer just an excuse for you to move back here? Do you really just want to reunite with her so badly that you have to move far away from your family, from me? Have you met her already?” She asked impatiently.

“I don’t want to do this anymore, Hannah. I’m tired of arguing with you. I’m done.” Ryan sighed. Everything that she just said was right, but there’s no way he was going to tell her that.

“I don’t want to argue with you either, Ryan, so please, just promise me you wouldn’t meet that woman.” Hannah asked him in a much softer tone.

“That’s not what I mean.” Ryan sighed again as he looked at her seriously. “I really can’t do this anymore, Hannah. I can’t.

Dec. 17, 2018

Ryan was tired of it all.

He was tired of his mother’s lies, he was tired of Hannah trying to control his life, he was tired of living a life full of lies. He was tired of it all.

That’s why when he saw the opportunity to move back to Estrella, he took it. At first, he hesitated, but once he finds out that there was nothing to hold him back anymore, he grabbed the chance.

He wanted his old happy and peaceful life back. The life he turned his back on. The life he had with Seb around.

It was the stupidest decision he had ever made, not going back to Seb as soon as he could. If only he had seen through his mother’s lies sooner, then maybe he wouldn’t feel that trapped, maybe he was already back with Seb, and maybe they would’ve been already happily together again.

When he told Hannah that he was moving back to Estrella, she made a big fuss. Their argument became even more heated when Ryan told her that he was planning on relocating alone. He broke up with her and Hannah didn’t take it too well, she was furious, and then the next day she acted as if nothing happened. She refused to break up with Ryan. Maybe it would be easier for her to accept the truth if they spend less and less time together. Maybe it would be easier once he is back in Estrella.

Ryan called a real estate agent at Estrella. “Hi, yeah, I called to ask for an update regarding the apartment unit that I asked for.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Cortez, but the fifth floor of Torres Apartments is off-limits.” The agent told him.

“Can I ask why? I’m willing to offer more, I just… I really want to move in there. I can’t see myself living anywhere else in Estrella.

“I’m really sorry, but I also don’t know. That room had been sitting idly for the past five years, and yet, the owner is insisting that the unit already belongs to someone. I could try to talk to him one more time, but I can’t promise anything.

“Yeah, please do that.

The moment Ryan heard what the agent said, his heart skipped a beat. Suddenly he found hope that maybe, just maybe, he could still return to Seb.

The only thing that Ryan could do at that moment was hope that it wasn’t too late for him. That it wasn’t too late for him to go back to Seb.

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