A Turn of Events

Sitting on the tailgate of my truck surrounded by good music, family, and friends. It took a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to get to this moment, but as I look around, I am reassured it was well worth it. Twenty-two years ago, in a sleepy small town called Welch located in Northeastern Oklahoma, I met and married a man named Nelson Jackson. Oh, he was a smooth talker and made me feel like I was royalty, I never wanted for a thing in the beginning. We were just kids who thought we were adults and knew everything so when my friends and family came to me with their concerns I brushed it off as they were jealous or just not giving him a fair chance. I was caught up in his aura of stability and maturity. He made me promises that had me trusting his every word and I never questioned anything because he always seemed so sure. What I didn’t know was what monster lived beneath the surface, the one that lived for torture and the suffering of those he claimed to love.

“Mom!” Paige yelled bringing me out of my musings.

“What baby girl? Why are you yelling at me?” I asked.

Rolling her big brown eyes Paige said, “God, I have only said your name six times trying to get your attention. Maybe you should…….”

“Maybe you should remember just who you are talking to young lady,” I interrupted her, “You best check your tone and let’s try this again.” I arched an eyebrow at her.

“Sorry momma,” Paige apologized, obvious to the warning in my tone, “Anyway, Bailey and Willow want to go to Cherry’s with me tonight; Is that ok?’

I really did not know this Cherry kid very well, but she is Paige’s best friend, so I just go with it. “Yeah, that’s fine. You know the drill though….”

“Yes momma,” she said with a smile, “Contact numbers for everyone, text or call to say goodnight and I love you and make sure our teeth are brushed before going to bed.” She laughed at me, “Sometimes I wonder how you don’t fall apart from all the worrying you do.” With that Paige gave me a kiss on the cheek and turned to go find her sisters.

Oh, how I miss when they were little. Days of endless snuggles or them wanting to be included in cooking or chores. Now, I sit here and look at them basically all grown up. Man, where did the time go?

Bailey and Willow come over to me, big smiles on their faces, and give me a bear hug.

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” They say in unison.

“We’re gonna be swimming in the brand-new pool. I’m so excited!” Bailey said.

“To be honest I’m just looking forward to seeing Lincoln,” Willow said while wiggling her eyebrows, “He’s some serious eye candy.”

“Oh, my word!” I laugh and roll my eyes, “You,” pointing at Bailey, “wear sunscreen and You,” pointing at Willow, “stay clear of boys. Go, have fun and I’ll see you when you get home.” I gave them each a final hug and watched them load up in Paige’s Volkswagen Beetle and drive away. As the taillights disappear into the night, I let my eyes graze over my guests; these people stood by me in my darkest hours and helped pull me free of my personal hell. These people, these wonderful, supportive people, remind me that true love truly does exist.

I go to take a sip of my first alcoholic beverage in twenty years, Jack Daniels Old #7 and Coke on the rocks. As the liquid hits my tongue, I can’t remember why I liked drinking. I swallow and the familiar warmth flows down my throat. Unable to control my face I set my cup down and shake my head. Who made this? Geeze it was heavy on the Jack.

“Can’t hang with big dogs anymore can you?” Nathaniel said. Nathaniel James has been my best friend since the sixth grade; I do not know what I would do without him. “Oh my! I haven’t seen a face like that since we did Everclear shooters under the bridge back in middle school.”

Ugh “Shut up fat head!” I exclaimed punching his shoulder. “It’s been years. Here drink this,” I say handing him my drink, “Will you get a Dr. Pepper please?”

Laughing his ass off all the way to the cooler Nathaniel or Nate for short, does as I have asked. As Nate hands me my soda he hops up in the spot beside me. “Look at these people,” he said looking from left to right, “they are all here for you sweetie.”

I lean into his shoulder, “Thanks for this,” I wave my hand dismissively towards the bonfire, “it’s keeping the bugs away.”

Nathaniel puts his arm around my shoulders giving me a squeeze, “Anything for you E.”

“EM! Get your ass out here!” someone screamed.

“Who is that?’ I scanned the crowd.

“Hell if I know, but I will go find out.” Nate said as he also examined the crowd; now staring in the direction of the voice.

“Shit shit shit shit shit shit,” I whisper under my breath when I recognize the face that went with that voice.

“Who is that?” my mother asks; Obviously concerned about the tone in which I was being called out.

“Alexa Jones,” I replied flatly, “Nelson’s girlfriend.”

A hush fell across the crowd making the tunes playing seem extremely loud in comparison to a few minutes ago. Before I could react, Nate is on his feet and making large strides towards her.

“Nathaniel!” I scream after I was unsuccessful in grabbing his arm to keep him with me.

“I got this E!” Nate hollered over his shoulder. Once he reached where she was standing, he continued, “You don’t belong here. What the hell is wrong with you, showing up here? Answer me!”

“Look here you backwoods Neanderthal,” Alexa countered with her perfectly manicured hands on her slim hips, “I didn’t come here for you, I came here to discuss a few things with Ella May.”

I made my way over to where they were standing. The tension was so thick it could be cut with a knife. Most of the partygoers had started going back to the festivities knowing I didn’t like an audience.

“Ok,” I say tentatively, “What do you want Alexa?” My heart still hurt when I see this backstabber.

“Can we speak privately?’ Alexa asked, “Please?” She looked like something was truly bothering her.

Scrunching my face in thought, “I suppose we can sit in my truck with the windows up.” There’s not much privacy in an open field with well meaning, nosey loved ones.

Climbing in the cab of my truck I start to shake as the anger quickly replaces the shock of her arrival. Once Alexa has her door shut, I turn towards her not giving her the chance to go first. “How could you Alexa Dawn?” my voice full of hurt and venom. “How after all this time can you show your face? After all you did to me and my girls?’

Alex’s eyes filled with tears. How dare she cry after pretending to be my friend for eighteen years.

“I know I shouldn’t have come, and I am sorry for ruining your night; For everything.” She looked me in my eyes, the tears falling freely, “I know that I used you and your kindness EM.”

“Stop right there,” I said with my palms up facing her, “You lost all right to call me that.” My blood was to its boiling point. “You did use me, my heart, my kindness, and destroyed my trust. You watched my kids grow up, I cried to you when I suspected his infidelity!” my voice cracking at the strain of the projection I was outputting. Trying to calm myself I close my eyes and took a few deep breaths and wiped the tears that had escaped without permission. “You were supposed to be my best friend Alexa. For eighteen years, eighteen Alexa, you had a chance to tell me everything, but instead you lied to me and pretended to care.” I sniffled and shook my head trying to calm myself again. “Why don’t you just tell me the real reason you are here.” I said as I glared out the windshield into the darkness.

I hear her take a ragged breath; I refuse to look at her because it hurts so much. “Ok, I deserve that, all that.” She sighs, “I think the kids and I deserve to know the truth Ella May.”

“Truth?” About what Alexa? What do you think you are entitled to know?” I seethed, barely containing my rising anger, whipping my head around towards her with fire burning in my eyes. I could feel the tension grow and the proverbial temperature drop before continuing.

Alexa swallowed hard, “Look, I know I have no right, but my children do.” I seen true fear in her eyes as her words and their meaning sank in.

“Your kids?”, I whispered, as if the air was being knocked out of me, “You mean to tell me that Josiah and Olivia?” I couldn’t bring myself to finish that thought.

“Yes, Ella May, Josiah and Olivia are Nelson’s children too.” her hand on the door handle ready to run as she finished her statement. I sat there stunned for what seemed like an eternity, the only sound was our breathing.

“Oh,” was all I could manage. Part of me wanted to be pissed, part of me wanted to cry, a small piece of me even flashed ways to kill her in my mind, but I guess it all makes sense now. “Do the kids know?’ I asked afraid of the answer.

“No, I would never drop a bomb on your kids like that.” Alexa said almost like I offended her. Bitch

“That’s not what I meant, but, uh, thanks. They have been through enough lately. I was asking about Josiah and Olivia.” My heart hurt so much with the possible answers she could give that it felt as if it had stopped beating.

Alexa let out a huge sigh mixed with a laugh and sniffled, “Ha, no. I could never tell them because of how close our kids were, and he told me I wasn’t allowed.” Alexa sat there wringing her hands together nervously. “He made sure to remind me before and after every visit that no one could ever know.” The ghostly chill sent shivers down my spine remembering his “warnings”.

“So, I wasn’t the only one that got his “special warnings”. I shook my head even though it was kind of a relief that I wasn’t the only one.

“Not by a long shot,” she replied sadly.

“Ok, so anyway,” I began, changing the subject, I did not want to bond. “the truth” as you so eloquently declared is that the bastard is dead. I do not know who, why or how it happened and honestly, I do not care. He can no longer manipulate, threaten or use any of his other evil tricks against anyone; especially my, uh sorry, correction, our, kids.

That’s very coldhearted.” Alexa uttered flatly, “Why would you say something like that.”

“Because it’s the truth Alexa!” I blurted.

Alexa sat there shaking her head, staring at me like I was mental, “After all the years y’all spent together you mean to tell me you don’t miss him at all?”

“Hell no.” was my answer, though if I was being honest, there were a few things about him that I would miss. I would miss the way that, on his good days anyway, he would come home and hold me confessing his love for me, how he would hold me tight throughout the night making me feel safe, little things like that, he was my husband after all.

“Lies,” she chides, “I see the truth in your eyes; You loved him.”

“For better or for worse,” the bitterness tainted my tone, “Of course I loved him! I loved him through middle school, I loved him through hard financial times, through three kids, many years of marriage, and even through the mind games, the mental, emotional, and physical abuse. I even loved him through his infidelity.” My voice cracked and was thick from unshed tears. I turned my head away from her before she could see how much I still hurt. “I loved him through everything and it,” I had to stop to take a steadying breath, “it was never enough.”

That was the final straw, I broke down bawling. I feel like there is a heavy weight on my chest, it is so hard to breathe. Wrapping my arms around my middle to keep from shattering I pressed myself up against my door and tried to calm down. Alexa reached out a hand but let it drop midway between us, “No amount of “I’m sorry” will fix things with us, but I just want you to know you aren’t alone.” Her voice filled with sadness. She was right, I was not alone in this. Regardless of my personal feelings, they had a secret life together, children even, but all I wanted was to be alone to either mourn my husband or at least have a chance to mourn the marriage I thought we could have.

Wiping my eyes, I take a deep, cleansing breath, “If there’s nothing else, you better get going. I said dismissively letting venom drip off every word immediately feeling like an ass. “Actually, go grab some food and a drink.”

“Really?” Alexa asked with a shocked look upon her face, “I can stay?’

“Look, this doesn’t mean we’re friends again, ok? You did me dirty, but for the sake of our kids we can at least be cordial.” I declared as I held out my hand, “Deal?”

“Deal,” Alexa said with a refreshed enthusiasm that almost made me change my mind.

As we climbed out of the truck Nate was by my side immediately wanting to know what had gone on.

“I’ll tell you later ok. Away from others.” I said quietly, looking around to make sure no one had gotten close enough to hear.

“Ok. Want me to make her leave?” he asked loudly and almost too eager.

“No, she’s welcome.” Was all that I replied which granted me many a concerned look from a few of my family and friends. Oh well.

I went back to my spot after grabbing another Jack and Coke. Tonight, I needed something strong after all.