Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"What's up mom?", Olivia asked as she plopped on the couch.

"Yeah, mom what's the deal? Y'all look like you're about to hurl," Willow stated as she jumped on Paige's lap.

"Ow! Boney butt alert! Get off me twerp!" Paige exclaimed trying to push her sister into the floor. With a full bellied laugh Willow slid to the floor.

"Guys listen," Alexa started pausing to look at me before continuing, "we have some news and I'm not sure how y'all are going to take it."

Omg she's the freaking queen of understatments. Just rip it off like a bandaid. "Look, maybe this should be handled better and with a gentler approach, but the truth is.."

"Wait! Seriously? That's how you want to do this?!" Alexa started at me with unadulterated fear in her eyes.

I shook my head yes continuing as she closed her eyes, "As I was saying, the truth is," my throat is tightening as I look at these kids, these teens, with the knowledge I'm about to wreck their world, deep breath, "the truth is y'all are related." I'm gonna hurl.

Each of them took a turn to look at one another with various thoughts on the subject. "Like cousins?" Willow asked and I caught the look between Josiah and B.

I heard her intake of breath and knew she was about to lose it, but then Alexa said those final words outloud, "Siblings."

The shocked silence in the room seemed to last for an eternity when Josiah stood up and stalked out of the room, followed by a heartbroken, confused B. Olivia seemed to relaxed which made me wonder if she didn't already know something. Willow stayed sitting on the floor her mouth hanging open. All of a sudden Paige breaks out in hysterics earning looks from everyone left in the room questioning her sanity.

"That is freaking hilarious you guys!" Paige wailed slapping her knee, "You really got us good."

"Paige, honey, I am one hundred percent positive on this." I said calmly, "Josiah and Olivia are your brother and sister."

Still trying to reign in her laughter Paige asks, "How is that even possible? No nk one knows who their dad or dad are? Did you have an affair?" She was quite serious about that last part.

"No, I wasn't the one who had an affair," I simply stated leaving the biggest hint in front of them to conclude on their own.

"You mean to tell me that our dad cheated on you? How is that even possible? B asked as she walked back into the room.

I looked to Alexa, she can answer that one because I would like to know too.

With a visible swallow Alexa sat up and squared her shoulders, "Nelson and I started our affair within a year of meeting even though he was married." Alexa flinched like she was waiting for someone to hit her.

A collective grasp from the remaining kids filled the room. "How could you mom?" Josiah quietly asked, his anger barely contained.

"Jo, look, Nelson, your dad and I made a mistake," Alexa turned to me, "A huge mistake. One that I cannot take back, but because of it I have the two of you." She said turning back to her kids. "We're only telling you this right now because we overheard you and B upstairs so we knew that we'd have to come clean before y'all got to involved.

"Too involved?! Are you kidding me?" Josiah shouted at his mother, "I love her and now you're going to tell me.i can't be with her because you and her dad couldn't respect the promises of a marriage?!" Josiah was so infuriated that he was shaking from head to toe. Alexa got up from her spit to go comfort her child, her baby and he took a step back, hands up, "No, don't touch me. I can't even stand to look at you right now."

"Jo-," she started but was interrupted as he grabbed B and stormed out of the house.

"Olivia, baby, you've been really quiet. How are you feeling about this? " Alexa asked her only daughter.

"Well," Olivia starts after letting out a sigh, "I suppose my feelings are actually irrelevant because it's already happened, but do I think this secret should have been kept this long, absolutely not. I'm not disappointed because I always thought of them as my siblings, but am I discussed, disappointed and hurt that it was ever a secret. I would have loved to have spent quality time with my sperm donor. " Olivia continued, "Why do you always do that?"

"Do what?" Alexa asked around unused tears.

"Keep stuff from us. Is that why y'all stopped hanging out all the time?" She asked looking back and forth between her mother and I. Damn, Olivia should think about taking her quick wit to court.

"Yes it was." I said. All eyes turned towards me, boring into my eyes with so many unanswered questions.

"Why mom? Why would you keep something from us that is so important?" Olivia demanded.

Alexa sat there trembling, tears rolling down her cheeks. Now was the moment of truth would she take the blame and protect him or free herself and tell them the truth. My inner voice was nagging that I should have done the same all those years ago besides allowing all of the ugly secrets to rear their heads now.

I need to clear the air. I need to set myself free. I suck in a long full and slowly let it out, "Listen, there's a lot that not of you know about your father. There's a side of him that y'all were never allowed to see." With shakey hands I reach for my left shoulder as I closed my eyes I pulled my shirt away. I heard the collective gasps and a new hole appeared in my heart.

"Mom, you said that was from falling down the stairs." Paige's voice was colored with disbelief, "Are you seriously telling me that daddy hurt you? Mom answer me, did daddy actually do this?"

My whole body was violently shaking from the fear and shame. I couldn't bring myself to answer verbally so I opened my eyes, meeting hers and shook my head yes. My heartrate was through the roof and I felt lightheaded. Part of me waited for him to storm in, his death some sort of sick joke, and punish me for talking ill of him to our kids. I felt cold, but I could feel the sweat on my skin.

"Mom, did Nelson ever hurt you?" Josiah asked, his voice strangled with rage.

"Not physically." Was Alexa's only reply.

Oh, so he wouldn't hit his side bitch,but he beat the hell out of us? What makes her so special? My inner voice yelled. It has a point, not that it really matters in the big scheme of things.

"My, interactions," Alexa barked a bitter laugh, "were more mental and emotional. I can honestly say that with all the years we were together he never laid a hand on me violently." Hanging her head she turned slightly towards me and grabbed my hand. I sat there shocked. I pulled away as if her touch burned.

"You said he gave you "warnings" to never tell the children or me the truth." I stated on the verge of hyperventilation, "I told you everything. EVERYTHING ALEXA all at the risk of being found out and possibly killed!" I had forgotten my young audience as I lashed out at my former best friend.

"El- Ella," Alexa stammered, "I was in love and since he had never hurt me like that I…"

"You what Alexa? You thought he actually loved you? All based on the fact that he didn't beat you or treat you like a dog or like a piece of shitnon the bottom of his shoe?", I was close to passing out, I couldn't control my breathing and my stomach twisted in knots causing my immense pain. "Do you not remember what happened the night I simply bought a nice dress without his permission?" I curled into a ball and succumbed to all of the overwhelming emotions. My body was racked by violent spasms as I fought to regain control.

"Mom," Willow began, her voice full of pitty, "Mom why did you stay if you were so badly treated?" When I opened my eyes I seen the my girls had rallied around me in sort of a protective circle.

I reached for her hand and found all three so I held on tight, "I never wanted y'all to think bad of your father. He was a great father, just a horrible husband." I sniffled, wiping my nose on my shirt, "I stayed because he had made it to where I had no money, I thought I had no family that would believe me, hell I didn't even have friends that I could trust without going behind my back. I was afraid he'd take you girls away from me."

They each squeezed my hand. "I won't lie, this is a shock, but his anger always did scare me." B said.

My eyes shot to hers as my blood turned to ice, "He never….He never bv hurt you did he?" bile rising as I spoke the words.

"No,but," b stopped to look at the floor then started fiddling with the ring on her finger.

"But what?" Paige demanded.

B looked at her sister with her bottom lip trembling, "Remember when I used to sneak into your room?"

Paige paused, "Yes, but that was a long time ago. How is it relevant?"

B looked back at me with so much pain in her eyes, "I heard it one night momma."

My heart stopped. What had she heard? Did she ever witness? "Wha-Wh-What did you hear?" I squeaked.

B visibly swallowed, "I heard daddy telling you to go sleep outside because dinner was cold when he got home. Then there was another time," she sucked in a long full before continuing, "another time I saw him make you eat something that made you throw up and while you were throwing up he kicked you in your stomach."

I recoiled from that memory. Jerking my hand back and curling into myself my hands gripping my ribs so tightly it felt like I might leave bruises, "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from that. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough." A whisper was all I could manage at the end.

"E why did you never tell me?" Alexa asked concern dripping from her words as if she actually meant them.

This struck a nerve for me. Whipping my head around to look her in her eyes I said, "Not like you would have believed me anyway. Apparently to you he was a fucking king!" My words burned as they excited my mouth because I knew they weren't really true, "I need a friend the most during that time and there was no one around except Nathaniel and I could never tell him what was going on because I didn't want him to ever see me weak."

"I could never see you weak Ella."

I jumped, gasping, "How long have you been here?" I worked to straighten out my clothes and clear my face of anything oozing or dripping.

Nate shrugged, "Just long enough to hear things that make me unhappy." He walked directly to me and wrapped me in his big arms, holding me so tight for a second I believed I was whole again. "He will never make you feel those things again. I'm also glad you decided to tell the girls, they deserve to know the truth."

"I want hugs too!" Each girl yelled as they fought for his attention. They loved their "Uncle" Nate. Josiah and Olivia even liked him more than they ever did Nelson. Poor kids.

"Ok, well now that we've gotten way off topic and down an emotional rabbit hole what do y'all say about some funny videos and junk food to brighten our moods?" I look around at everyone for an answer and all they could seem to do was stare at me with an array of looks on their faces. "What? Come in, what more do we have to say on the subject?" Come on somebody give me an out here.

After exchanging glances at each everyone agreed it was time to bring a happier mood to the room. B and Josiah seemed to still be upset soni decided to address it real quick, "Jo and B I'm not sure how long y'all have been seeing each other and I'm sorry things had to end like this, but we had to let y'all know." I said gently.

Josiah and B exchanged a long look, searching each other's eyes for something that I guess wasn't found because they both shrugged it off, "We started seeing each other after the funeral." B said, "I have strong feelings for you Jo, but I'm not sure if it was love or the fact I just needed someone." B rubbed her forehead trying to make sense of how she feels.

"Well, B, I felt strongly about you too and now I wonder if we just somehow knew this," Josiah said motioning the space between them, "wasn't going to work. That somehow we knew subconsciously we were siblings. I feel so strongly about you because you're my baby sister."

"Ew. To think I was going to kiss you goodbye tonight. Glad that didn't happen." B said with a disgusted shiver.

The kids seem to be feeling better, coming to terms with all this.i hadn't realized that while I had been standing there watching my kids interact with their siblings I had melted into the front of Nate's body. Only now was I aware of his heat, the subtle hint of woods and cologne that filled my nostrils with every breath and the way his body fit with mine. Nelson hadn't held me like this since we first started dating and he never did fit just right. Not this way. Stop it! He is your best friend, don't mess it up because he's showing you kindness.

Right. I step away from Nate, immediately missing the contact. I look up at him, my gorgeous friend and I say an apology with my eyes. He seems to understand, he just gives me a slight nod and walked towards the kitchen. Shit I think it's too late. I think I just messed up. He doesn't have feelings for me anymore and hasn't since we were kids. I'm not his type anyway. Hopefully he won't leave because of this……….. I have to keep it hidden. "So, who wants ice cream?"