Chapter 13 - Not What I Intended

— Elaeya —

When I turned around and looked at him, his eyes looked dark, his posture had changed, and I realized what this looked like. This is not what I intended. What did I intend?

I didn’t think. I went on instincts. But why? There had to be a reason. In looking for that reason in my head, I got closer to him. It had to do with his situation. He needed to heal, and I suddenly knew that I both helped him and made it worse. I’m not sure how. But I knew he needed my help.

He was slowly getting closer to me, bending his head closer to mine. I could feel the pressure of his sheer presence against my skin. The inexorability of this attraction, that was far beyond reason or will. I got my head up to better see him. The light in the bedroom was off, but the curtains were not closed. The moonlight was faint, but I could see him. His lips were now brushing mines.

“This is not what I meant,” I said.

He stopped, pulled his head back ever so slightly. “What?” he asked confused.

“Mmmh… I…” I closed my eyes and focused my mind. “You shouldn’t sleep alone.” I looked back at him. He looked torn between different thoughts, but not the right thoughts. “I do not mean intimacy,” I rushed out the clarification. “It is just…” this was not going the way that I intended. I didn’t even intend any of this. It just happened, and now I was confusing both of us. I found no issue out of this awkward situation.

I opened my mouth to try and explain myself further, but he talked first.

“It’s okay,” he told me.

Was it though?

I was hesitant, but he guided me to my bed. For an instant, my heartbeat accelerated and my feet faltered, but I didn’t feel the strength in me to stop him. He got me under the covers, and laid them smoothly on top of me, without getting into bed with me.

I don’t think he understood what I tried to say.

He sat on the bed next to me.

“I…” I began. “I think I confused the both of us. I’m sorry.

“It’s that insight thing?” he asked me.

“Yes,” I answered calmer this time.

“It told you something about me?

I nodded. “I do not know details. I usually don’t. It is not always knowledge, just instinctual movements, reactions. I act, and often time only while I’m doing things I realize it had to be done.

“What did you get about me?” he asked me, his shadow huge in the darkness.

“I am not sure. I think I both help you and make it worse. I do not know how. I know you are better when I’m close. Sleep is a time when everyone is more vulnerable, but also when we restore ourselves the most. I think my presence might disrupt your sleep.

“But not if I sleep here?” he asked.

“I do not know the answers to your questions, I just know how to move, not why.

“What does this mean?

I did not know either, but I scooted over a little.

He turned around, I think he took his socks out. He took what he had in his pocket out and put it on the nightstand, and laid beside me on top of the covers.

“Won’t you be cold?” I asked him.

“I’m fine.

“It is unnecessary.” It is not like there weren’t enough blankets.

“It is,” he said. It took me a few seconds to realize what he meant.

“Oh,” was all I managed to say.

I felt his breathing slowed, and he was asleep.

Every normal instinct a person has told me this was like taking a nap next to a dragon. It was not a recommended course of action. He was strong, dangerous. When I met him, he smelt of blood and death, and there is still some darkness in his aura that should scare me. But it did not. Has he slept next to me, all that my instincts told me, was that this his where I should be, and where he should too.

I laid my finger on his jawline, scratching them on the stubble. I should not do this, I could wake him up, but I just continued to move my fingers to his neck and collarbone. He moved a shade. For a moment, my mind thought that I was waking him up, but beyond my mind, there was something that told me not to stop. He leaned a little against my touch, clearly not waking, but enjoying the motion nonetheless.

So I did not stop.

— Kaden —

There were a million things that got through my mind, but at this moment, none of them included sleeping.

It was clear she was uncomfortable. Things were going so fast between us, probably faster than she was ready to deal with.

When I finally put my head on that pillow, I thought that there was no way in hell I’m going to be able to sleep, but apparently, I was wrong.

When I woke up, it felt like I’d slept for half a geological epoch. I don’t remember feeling this well-rested in a very long time. The light was diffused through veil-like curtains, but there was enough of it going through to tell me that the day was clearly underway. I was not as groggy as I should have been.

There was a small blanket that had been tossed over me. I was on my back, still wearing yesterday’s clothes, and on top of my right arm was a very pleasant weight.

I mean, my arm was totally numb, but I somehow enjoyed the pressure. Especially as it pressed a soft figure against my side.

I turned to take a peek.

Elaeya was awake, her eyes on me.

“Hi,” I told her.

“Good afternoon,” she replied.

That took a few seconds to process. “Afternoon?” I looked up and outside, then I tried to dig for my stuff somewhere on the nightstand without disrupting her.

“It is,” she told me.

“I can’t have slept this much,” I said confused. My phone displayed two thirty-five. I blinked a few times still dumbfounded.

“You did. Very deeply.

“You didn’t sleep all this time, did you?

“I woke up early.

“Eum. Then why did you stay in bed?

I got up briefly, but it seemed to disrupt your sleep, so I got back in bed.

“Oh. Sorry,” I said sheepishly.

She shook her head. “It’s not like I was very busy.

I licked my lips nervously. “Right.

Then another part of my brain uncongealed.

“The call. At dawn. I mean your parent.” I blurted half-coherently.

“They called. We talked. You slept through it.

“Oh,” I let my head fall back on the pillow, deflated.

“You needed this,” she told me.

“Maybe,” I said.

I’m not sure sleeping that much is going to motivate her in coming back home with me. I’m going to have to step up my game.

— Elaeya —

The day was well underway.

We both got into a shower—him in his bathroom and me in mine—and dressed up for the rest of the day.

I don’t remember spending so much time in bed unless I had been sick. The mattress was comfortable, the shower divine, the clothes agreeable and well-fitted, and I don’t remember being this relaxed. I was used to difficult scheduling, demanding tasks, and labour-intensive days. But today, there was no training, no hunting, no moving, nothing.

I was terribly hungry though, so I was glad to find prepared food in the refrigerator ready to warm up and eat. I did not even have to cook.

When I got down, Kaden was already there, eating some beef stew with bread, so I took heated left-overs and sat next to him.

We both ate in silence.

I am not used to small talks, and from the looks of it, neither was he. But this will have to change. It is impossible to learn about one another without a conversation first.

I opened my mouth to say something, when one of the men got into the house, he was soon followed by Brandon.

Kaden growled. It was low, nearly subsonic, but everything on the table shook and clanked in response.

Before Brandon had time to step through the doorway, the other one dragged him back and closed the door behind them, leaving us alone again.

I looked at Kaden askance.

He blinked at me as if no one ever did this.

“That was not very polite,” I said.

“Neither were they,” was his answer.

“How so? Were they told not to come inside the house?

“They know it’s not the best of times for this.

“Really?” I asked suspiciously.

His face turned a little sheepish.

“If the orders are not clear, it is the fault of the general that they are not properly followed,” I told him.

“The Art of War?” He raised an eyebrow at me.

“I read,” I told him, then took another bite.

He smiled some and ate some more.

The stew was delicious.

“What else do you read?” he asked a few minutes later.

“Mostly what I can get my hands on. The choices are not always varied, but I like history and science. What do you read?

“Mostly reports and contracts, but I try to get myself a book once in a while,” he paused, looking pensive. “But I don’t think I’ve read for fun in the last … five … eight years.

“What do you do for fun then?

He thought about it some more. “I mostly train or get info I need, I don’t really do stuff for fun anymore,” he admitted.

“That is not the healthiest of habit,” I noted.

“Probably not,” he admitted. “What do you do for fun?

“I … do not do many things for fun either,” I conceded.

“I guess we’re not the best at having healthy hobbies.

“I guess not.” I took my last bite then leaned back. “My parents and I spend most of our lives moving from place to place. We never stayed anywhere for long. Sometimes we would get a house, or an apartment, but often time we stuck to the woods. Everything is a little harder without the convenience of a roof, bathtub, microwave, plumbing. It is not really hard to get your day filled up quickly. When there is no grocery store around, acquiring food is far more complex too,” I told him. He had finished his plate too and was leaning back, listening. “It is not that I am complaining. I never lacked the essentials. But things like theaters, and restaurants, and bars, and tabletop games, those are really foreign to me. I am not uncultured, it is simply that I have not been exposed to much of it. I know how to use the internet, but I have never been on social media, I never watched Netflix, I know what Amazon is, but it is nothing I have used. I am aware that when it comes to society, I am highly deficient. If I even attempt to move to a pack, the dichotomy could be brutal at best, and an exercise in unrestrained masochism at worse.

He was looking at me, his expression unreadable.

“You would not be left on your own,” he told me.

“Maybe,” I admitted. “But I do not have money, or a working social security number. I do not have a passport, I do not own much of anything, I do not have a college degree, a job, or a career.

“You could still be fine,” he said.

“Could I?” I asked. “What can I do in a pack, or in any society, for that matter?

“There are plenty of things you can do. You can get a college degree if you want one, or a career, anything you like.

“It is not that simple. Everything has a cost.” I got up, picked our plates, and put them on the counter next to the sink.

“Everyone in my pack as free education. Jobs are given to those that haven’t found any. There is social security for those who can’t work anymore. No one is left without a roof over their head.

“Is that so?” I asked while I poured water in the sink to clean up.

“You don’t need to do that. Someone will take care of this,” he told me.

I turned around and gave him a reproving look.

“I am not so incapable that I need to be cared for like a child,” I told him.

“That’s not what I meant,” he back-pedaled. “Just that there are people for this.

“And when was the last time you cleaned after yourself?” I asked genuinely curious.

He said nothing.

I turned around again. He suddenly looked like a man-child to me.

“Here,” I said. “You are cleaning up after yourself.

“Euh, and why exactly?

“If you never had to clean up after yourself, does it mean that when something will happen and there is not domestic or docile pack members to do it that this would become my task? Do you expect me to become your mother?

“What? No, no, no, no.” He realized the accusation in my tone and backtracked quickly. “Don’t worry. There are enough people to do those things in my pack.

“I do not believe you understand what I meant,” I said calmly, putting soap in the sink. “Life is not only made of manual labour. Work is part of everything, including relationships. If something as benign as washing a pair of plates is too much for you, then something as complex as partnership might be beyond us. I will not become one more domestic to order around, or—.” He got up and walked next to me to help out, cutting me off.

I didn’t say anything further. He said nothing either.

He didn’t look angry, or troubled, or anything really.

It was hard for me to know what he was thinking. At least without opening my senses. I knew he was generally quite sincere, but that was mostly it.

I did not want to nag at him, but I did not want to set things in motion the wrong way either.

When we were done, he leaned against the counter.

“I don’t want to put you in a box you don’t want to be into,” he told me. “I know there will be a lot to adjust. I’m just not sure how to go at it.

“I am not either,” I admitted. “And I am probably not the best to ask. I am sorry about earlier, I did not want to hound you like that. It was not what I meant.

He nodded. “Good.

“I am not good with the whole matter of domestics either. I have always taken care of myself. I never had any spare finances for, well, mostly anything.

“Well, if that is an issue, if we get together it wouldn’t be the case anymore. I’m loaded.

My gaze hardened.

“Is that what they called a sugar daddy? Or is the proper parlance a gold digger? That is not what I want for myself,” I said sternly.

He, on the other hand, looked like he was about to start laughing. “Good to know,” he said.

My mind whirled and my thoughts realigned at his reaction. “Were you testing me?

“Not exactly,” he said, then tilted his head slightly. “Maybe a little. It’s something I needed to know.

I pursed my lips. I did not like it, but I could not argue with sound arguments. If he was of means, then he might have had to weed out people ready to use him before.

I supposed that by his reaction, I did not seem like a threat.

I am not sure what it meant about us, that we used tactics to find the truth about the other. Even more so that to begin with, I was hiding so much more from him.

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