Chapter 3

On his third attempt, Nikhil smashed the door open and bustled in. Aparna followed suit. 

Tanuja woke up with a start from a very deep slumber. She was dazed and confused as she gaped around at them, the music still playing loudly in her ears. 

Nikhil was flabbergasted. His nostrils flared, his chest heaved, and his face twisted in rage. 

Aparna was as confused. She stared at Tanuja with questions all over her face.

“How did you get in here?” Tanuja stammered weakly, “I thought that I’d locked---” The words faded to a stop when she realized what could have happened. “... the door...” 

Nikhil took a massive swipe, ripping the earphones off her and flinging them aside. 

Tanuja, who’d expected a blow, screwed her eyes shut and cringed. 

Aparna, too, stumbled forward. “Nikhil!” she warned. 

Realizing what had happened, Tanuja cracked her eyes open and found Nikhil heaving and trembling in rage, curling his hands into a tight red fist. 

By now, Mr. Varma arrived at the scene in a nightgown, his eyes all crinkled and sleepy. “What was that noise?” he queried groggily. Nikhil’s outburst cut him short. 

“I’ll slap the shit out of you!” he hollered at Tanuja. 

Tanuja’s eyes fluttered as she struggled to meet his deadly glare. They were spitting fire. 

Nikhil broke the gaze, shouldered past his parents, and stomped out of the room. 

Mr. Varma was still confused. “What just happened?” he asked Aparna in a low voice. But she didn’t answer him. Her attention was on Tanuja. 

Tanuja was red in the cheeks, her ears a bright shade of pink, and her big glassy eyes were glued far-far away from his parents. She was desperate to disappear from their sight, her toes and fingers curled in, gathering a little of the flowery sheets. 

***

Downstairs, Nikhil thundered into the kitchen, his lips rambling on, muttering curses. “Goddammit! I slog through the day and come home to get this! Great! Just great!

The poor fridge bore the brunt of his fury. He almost ripped off its door from the hinges, savagely grabbed a bottle of water from its racks, and SLAMMED it shut, sending tremors rattling through its body.

When Aparna came in, she found Nikhil chugging water down his throat. “Nikhil...” she started, but he behaved as though she didn’t even exist. “Nikhil, son, just relax,” she urged in her honey-like voice. 

Ignoring her, he rammed the bottle back into the fridge. 

“Nikhil, see, look... The poor thing isn’t well already. She looked so terrible this evening. And now, after seeing you in this state, she’s much more worried. So just be calm. Please don’t get mad at her.

He shouldered past her without a glance. 

“Nikhil!” she called after him in an authoritative tone. “Did you hear anything that I said?” Nodding her head in defeat, and sighing, she watched him disappear up the stairs. She knew her son too well. It was pointless pacifying him after he had lost it. It was nearly impossible to calm him down. 

***

Nikhil stormed into their room, furiously slamming the door shut behind him as he did. 

Tanuja was up and awake in her usual pose – knees drawn to her chest; arms wrapped around them. Without a single glance at her, he stomped past, yanked open the wardrobe door with brute force, and carelessly rummaged through the neatly folded clothes for a fresh pair. “Where are my blue track pants?” he barked without looking at her. 

Tanuja simply watched on, holding her tongue, a little terrified at his attitude and hurt at the same time. 

“Tanuja!” he bellowed, still not looking at her. 

"It’s in there,” she answered meekly. 

“In where!” he yapped. 

Quietly, she rose and joined him at the wardrobe to search for his tracks. As she did, she observed him through the corner of her eyes. Saddened, her lips shriveled as she noticed his face contorted with rage. His jaw throbbed madly as he clenched his teeth, his angry glare fixed on the clothes instead of her. What have I done to deserve this, she wondered sadly. She picked up a rich blue pair of tracks and handed it over to him.  

He took a glance at it and immediately shoved it back at her. “No. Not this one. Where’s the navy blue?

“That’s put in for washing,” she replied. 

His eyes finally met hers. “That was two days ago. What is it still doing in there?

“I didn’t get a chance to deal with it,” she confessed despite knowing the outcome. 

Nikhil’s eyes almost popped out of his sockets in explosive rage. “You didn’t get a chance to DEAL with it!” he snarled through clenched teeth. “So how many days do you need to get your so-called chance to deal with it? Ten? Twenty? Thirty!"

Tanuja grew defensive. “But what’s wrong with this?

“Everything!” he blasted. “Navy blue is my lucky color! You know that! And I’ve told you endless times before that at any point in time, I need this in my wardrobe, come what may! Then why isn’t it there?

“Nikhil!” she countered, her voice raising a bar higher to keep at par with his. “If you didn’t like the other tracks, then why did you even buy them? You should have just stacked it up with a single color! Would have saved me a lot of trouble.

“Trouble...” he scoffed. “Asking you to do some work is always trouble, right? You’ve got all the time in the world to deal with other unnecessary things.

“That wasn’t unnecessary Nikhil! That was necessary! Very much! It’s about our future! Our happiness!” Her voice wobbled as it shot up further. 

“Your happiness Tanuja! Yours alone! I fucking slog here day and night. Like an ass! Even on holidays! I struggle to make ends meet. To make our life work. And you? All that tops YOUR priority list is GOING OUT. Freaking out! Having fun! Where does our future lie in that? Where’s our happiness? That’s not happiness! That’s selfishness!

Tanuja couldn’t believe the train of thoughts spilling from Nikhil’s mouth. She was quick to recover and fight back. “Selfishness?” she gasped in exasperation. “Nikhil! You’re the one who’s being selfish! We’ve been married for two years. And have you ever thought about ME for a second? Do you even know what I’m going through? Do you even care about how I feel? All that you’re concerned about are your gadgets and friends!

“Then what do you want me to do?” he hollered. “If in two years of marriage, NOTHING happens, then WHAT do you expect ME to do other than stick to my friends and gadgets?

His words slashed through, quickly disabling her to a point where she couldn’t process anything or respond. Though she’d always feared that their poor sex life would affect their marriage, she prayed that it wouldn’t. His angry outburst, however, confirmed her deep-seated fears. It answered all her questions about Nikhil’s weird behavior these days. 

He rambled on, paralyzing her further. “I have nothing to look forward to in life. Do you know that? NOTHING! Nothing worthwhile! In two years of marriage, my friends made kids. They’re living their lives the way they had dreamt about it. And me? I don’t even have sex! Hah!” he scoffed in contempt. “I have nothing! My life is so screwed up! So bloody screwed up! Lucky me!

Tanuja was frozen to the bone. She was in deep shock and could not retaliate any longer. She couldn't even breathe. Her lips parted ways as she struggled to process this new information. Her eyes spaced out and fluttered as the painful truth sunk in slowly but surely. It felt like she would collapse, instead, she held on with a weak stumble.  

Nikhil’s feelings, which he’d been suppressing for too long, came cascading out like a deluge. He tried to stop himself but couldn’t. It was way beyond his control. He had kept it buried within himself for far too long. When he spoke again, he was much quieter but breathless. “Do you remember what you told me back in the evening? That I didn’t even try? But you know what? I did try. Tanuja. I did try. I did try to fix up our wasted lives. But you didn’t let me. You. And what was that? I made you feel lonely? Like a rag doll? You made me feel like a dog Tanuja. Like a worthless stray dog. Do you know that?

Tanuja wasn’t looking at him any longer. Her eyes dared not meet his. She didn't realize when the pair of rich blue tracks slithered off her hands and plopped to the ground. 

“Any other guy in my place would have just walked out and found what he wanted. But I didn’t do that. Do you know why? Because that’s not how I was brought up.” Nikhil concluded his outburst by bending over, picking up the fallen tracks, and storming out of the room. 

Tanuja took a deep breath and stumbled back, collapsing onto the bed as the door slammed behind her. Her chest felt hollow as if her heart never existed. She wanted to weep profusely, drain out the pain and shock so that she could feel normal again. 

Today, her birthday, presented her with the worst memory she could ever cherish. This day marked the end of their relationship. It was all over. 

The agony which she felt finally ripped out of her chest in the form of deep, heaving, inconsolable sobs. Deep in her heart, she wished that she never spoke out her mind. She wished that she’d kept her patience, that she’d held on a little longer. Then, probably, she could have saved her marriage. But it was too late. All too late. 

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