Deceit

Even though the sea seems calm but you never know when it calls you and why, it is unpredictable, the sea calls for peace and chaos, for death and life, for truth and lies, for eloquence and ignorance, it is only the matter of finding your calling.

The day is such as all others. I stand in ankle deep in water, beneath me the water rises and recedes, the sun sinks below the horizon, with a promise to rise again tomorrow.How reliable is the sun, for it never breaks any promise, nothing like the fickle minds of humans, where there is no worth for a promise, a vow.

It was in such twilight, he held my hand and promised himself to me. He held my hand and said,"Emily, My dear, I am truly yours, just like you are mine, for whole my life". I was naive then, I heard him, I loved him with such intensity, when he left, I am incapable of love anymore.

I met him in the classroom, the destination for young love. He stole glances at me, I chose to ignore him, for then I prioritized rational thoughts, over the feelings of my heart. He was shy and I was indifferent. 

He initiated a conversation, it kindled the fire of love. He gave me dreams, promised me love, he symbolized hope in my otherwise despondent life.  I fell for his words, I gave him all of myself, every part of my body was for him, he was my aim, he was my life. I still remember when I said,"You are the center of my universe, my James, I will collapse without you" I meant it, unlike his words, his convincing act.

I felt I had the world when I was with him. I left my home when he said, for I was blinded by his love.We went on to live together, for there was no greater comfort than in each other's proximity. I studied Chemistry while he studied Architecture. He said,"One day, I shall design a house, just by the seaside, where we will grow old together."

I never doubted his words. I was so intoxicated with the euphoria of love, I didn't see the signs. He was home less and less, his loving words were less frequent, He left me alone, more and more.

I got a job, in a lab close to our little adobe. There were people,  but there was no place for deceit, How could I break away the trust my James had placed on me, I couldn't. I refused any and all advances. I would remain faithful to him.

James doubted me, He felt I was unfaithful to him, my efforts to calm his fears were taken as useless excuses, but I clung on to him, and all the happy times we had. He sometimes acted on impulse, but then I thought it was my own fault, that was his way

I found I was with child, so, I went to meet my friend, Claire.  I was happy, and I planned to give him a surprise. I was waiting for Claire, when I saw something that shattered my heart forever.

James held someone in his arms, his head buried in her bosom, as he whispered in her ears, just like he did with me. Maybe it was a misunderstanding, I went nearer. I heard him say the words he told me, the same dreams, hopes. Even when my heart was unable to believe, the rational mind, that had been shut till now, connected the dots. James was unfaithful.

I took my leave and went to our "adobe". I always wondered why he never married me, it all became clear today. I left my world to be with him, but I would give him a chance to explain.

He came home, and spoke the same words of love. He had the audacity to deny me the truth. He said," You have gone mad, I will call the doctor for you if you like, Don't tell me what to do women"

Suddenly, all those years came to my eye. My rational mind came to life. All those times, he took my earnings, all the time, he never payed a penny, I was the stupid one, he used me, abused me and now, he would call me mad.

I don't remember what happened after that. I woke up, next morning, in a pool of blood. I had lost my child, how, I didn't know. I was mad with grief. All the dreams I had were broken then. James sat there, watching me. He said,"Why didn't you tell me? I am sorry". He had tears in his eyes. 

Suddenly, It clicked me. After every fight, I would wake up, and forget everything. What he had done till now, didn't matter, he was nothing but a manipulative murderer. He was not the love of my life, He was an impostor.

I was in a fix, not knwoing what to do,I hit him with a vase nearby and ran.