Chapter 4

"You're gonna stand there all morning? Holy shit you look good!"

I scream in surprise, so distracted by my haywire body I didn't notice Reid sneaking up behind me. Everybody stops in the corridor to look at me, most of them snickering. I don't mind, it was funny. A chair falls back inside, before I can run or compose my features Hale comes outside, finding me resting against the wall with a hand on my heart, trying to stop it from jumping out of my chest.

"Don't scare me like that, you asshole." I hit Reid's shoulder not entirely joking. Gods, but my heart is still lodged in my throat.

"Are you alright? What happened?" Hale asks worriedly, looking me up and down. I look away sharply, not capable of looking at him. Wait... Reid!

"Oh my Gods, when did you get back?" I jump into Reid's arms.

"Two days ago." Reid's light brown hair is practically white and his skin is deeply tanned by the South American sun.

"How was Brazil?" I know I'm deliberately ignoring Hale, but I can't even look at him without remembering the naked picture.

"Hot. Where's Mrs Johnson?" Reid brings the conservation back on the track I don't want.

"This is Dmitri Hale. He's Mrs Johnson's brother and our new teacher. Mr Hale, Reid Benson."

"Ah the student on leave of absence?" He motions us all inside, and I go. Somehow, my and Reid's fingers entwine but I don't pull away. His touch as familiar as breathing.

"Exactly." I sit at my desk. Reid seats next to me, taking Maya's place for now.

"What was the leave of absence for?" He remembers, I can see it in his eyes, but he's looking at Reid just as angrily as he did for me the first time he walked inside that door.

"Archaeology. I earned a spot on Dr Craven's dig for two months. The school let me go provided I do my coursework online." Craven's only one of the most renowned archaeologists in the world. We were all thrilled when Reid was picked to go.

"That's incredible. I hope you took as much out of it as you could." Hale's tone is conversational, but his eyes are hard.

"Yes, sir." Reid grins unselfconsciously. I turn my chair away from Hale, giving him my back. Every time I look at him I shiver uncontrollably, so it's best not to look at all.

We don't have time to speak. The rest of the class enters as the morning bell starts ringing. As soon as they see him, we're swallowed by the other students. The noise and celebration of his return push me away from them until, ironically enough, I've been pushed so far that I'm leaning against the wall, right next to Hale's desk chair and the man himself with my arms crossed and a foot against the wall.

Today I'm wearing thick spandex leggings, knee-high boots with higher heel than I'd normally wear, dark grey split sleeve shirt, and a short leather jacket to wear under the trench coat that's currently on the back of my chair. I look badass, I'll admit that, or at least my version of badass, but I need it to face Hale. Even better, I'm finally starting to get better at makeup suiting my new image, so I'm wearing grey eyeshadow and double stroke eyeliner with parallel lines at the outer corner. Johanna was the one who taught me that.

I wonder what Reid thought when he saw me, I think with a small laugh. Hale looks at me, probably checking if I'm spying on his computer or not. I'm not. In fact, I'm not even looking in its direction.

"So, now that you're back are you getting together again?" That idiot Alex talks so loudly the entire class hears, stops and stares from me to Reid.

"I thought we settled this." I snort.

"Truth. We're much better as best friends." Reid confirms.

"Boo." It's Alex, because of course it is. Right, Reid is my ex, and the whole class knows it. Now so does Hale. To my surprise, I can sense disapproval like black clouds coming from the man next to me. Why though? I don't get it, so, through extreme effort of will, I dismiss it.

"Alright, everybody to your seats." Hale's fed up order sends everyone packing, and I gratefully take my seat. These boots look amazing and give me a lot of confidence, but my feet hurt like a bitch if I stand too long. "Now then, let's start this."

Nothing pertains to either Reid or I, and Maya's absent. I text her openly. Last I saw was her leaving with her boyfriend. She sounded fine last night, so she's probably just sick, but I need to know before worry overweights common sense and I rush to her house guns blazing. Reid, who I've let see the screen while I type, looks me up and down again. His gaze doesn't have the weight Hale's does. It doesn't provoke any reaction at all. Hale's standing up walking around and I feel his gaze like a weight.

"You've changed while I was gone." He says. "I liked your good girl clothes, but you look incredibly confident right now. I'm glad for you." His complement goes right to my head. Without thinking it through, I hug him quickly, dropping a kiss on his cheek. The students behind us snicker and I realise, shockingly, that their actions and reactions don't bother me at all! Their laughter is insignificant, because at the end of the day I know the truth. I know I love Reid like a brother and nothing more, and I know displays of affection don't have to be romantic to be meaningful. I can kiss his cheek, or hug him, or lace my fingers between his for comfort, and it doesn't have to be about romance, or sex. It can be friendship. Fuck them and their narrow, preconceived notions.

"Thank you. It was time for a change." I smile, back on my seat. Hale goes by, paper in hand to talk to someone.

"What prompted it?"

"It was bound to happen since I was tired of the way I was, but-" I look at Hale without thinking. Reid's eyes widen at my look and then even wider when he really looks at Hale.

"Is that..." I nod. "Wow." He breathes out disbelievingly. I can see the cogs working in his brain, taking me in again, looking at Hale, then at me, then at him. Hale looks our way, drawn by our gaze and his eyes narrow as he takes the closeness between Reid and I.

We duck down behind the row of computers. My face feels warm, but Reid is laughing like something funny is tickling at him. "I ain't telling." He keeps laughing as I poke him curiously. Alright, fine.

The bell rings for the end of homeroom. Maya still hasn't answered her phone. Did something happen after all? I try calling her, but her phone goes to voicemail, so I call her home phone instead. Her mother picks up.

"So, what's the verdict?" Reid demands quietly when the conversation is over.

"Says she got the flu. Doctor ordered her to stay home until she feels better. I can't go visit, I have work. Can you?"

"I'll be a good friend and take her the evil homework, don't worry." Reid grins mischievously.

"Oh my God, Reid?" Johanna is the first to see him. She runs to him, jumping into his arms. He twirls her around while I watch with a grin.

"Wait, Reid? Reid is back?" Hibiki and Suzy come inside hurriedly. Reid lets Johanna go so he can do the same to the other girls. Hale is looking at me. I meet his gaze, still smiling about the girls' happiness. The picture slams into awareness once more and my body acts on his own, looking away sharply. Am I blushing? Gods my cheeks feel hot! Fuck, I shouldn't have looked at him so long. Now all I can think about is that damn nude picture. The way his hair fell, the way his naked shoulders feel strong and trustworthy enough to carry another body in the air... his experienced hands on the floor... fuck. I look down, letting the hair hide the heat in my face.

"Sit down, it's time to start." Hale's voice doesn't show the annoyance I can feel in his steady regard of all the celebrations. Maybe I'm being silly, but it looks like he doesn't much like Reid either.

During work at the shelter, he doesn't say anything except a greeting, instructions on how he wants Dame to pose, and a farewell, in that order.

I can't sleep. I've been tossing and turning for the last two hours, burning up every time I close my eyes and Hale's picture comes up once more. I want to see the rest. I need to see the rest. How can I though, when he'd never accept a friend request from me? And it's not just that. He can be nice. He is nice to other students. Like during lunch today. I was walking by and one of the kids he teaches fell over. His voice was incredibly tender while he helped the shy boy up and escorted him to the nurse's office. Or last week, when he helped Hibiki manually learn something without losing his patience after three consecutive verbal explanations didn't help her. I'm a visual learner, but Hibiki is a tactile learner and he seemed to realise that easily, adjusting his approach to her learning style. This being a small-ish town, people are talking about his kindness. I'm the only one who hasn't received it.

I want it. I want his respect and kindness, I want the side others receive and I don't. But how? How can I get into a position where we are equal?

Lightbulb. Moment. Online! If I talk to him online then it might be easier! The lightbulb dims. But where? He receives dozens of messages on his public profiles, and those are for work. He doesn't man them himself, his agent does it. So... on the personal profile? Can't be. I'm not supposed to know about it. What then?

I fall asleep thinking about it.

Amazingly, my brain has the answer upon waking up. A fake profile. The idea distracts me the entire day, nagging at me while I learn at school and learn at work, observing Hale's expert handling of the camera.

I hesitate in front of the computer, strangely conflicted. It would be amazing to know him while he's not actively disliking me, but then it also wouldn't mean anything because he doesn't know he's me, but... he'd still be nice, and I'd still get to see the rest of the nude photo shoot. Seeing as that kneeling picture is the only visible one, then the others are bound to be even more powerful. Maya is still sick, Trina is busy, studying at Daniel and Elly's house, Daniel's twin sister and Trina's other best friend. Reid... well, I don't think he'd really be for it. We are best friends now, but I'm still bloody shy of asking the guy I lost my virginity with what he thinks about me catfishing a teacher. Something tells me he wouldn't approve.

Be strong, be brave, be a new you, I lecture myself. I'm still in doubt, but I fill out the profile questionnaire either way. If I chicken out, the only thing I have to do is delete it, I still have time to repent.

I stare at the "Create" button at the end, weighting the consequences. I can be found out. I can get punished by the school if Hale brings it up to them, though that is probably extremely unlikely. He can tell my mother, in which case I'm screwed as well. Am I willing to pay the price of getting in trouble with mom over something like this? A reckless part of me says fuck yes. Besides, I can just see the pictures and delete the profile. No harm no foul. The last argument is the one that convinces me.

The profile for twenty-one year old Catherine Simmons is created. The profile picture is of me on Halloween three months ago, wearing a mask over heavily made up eyes in purple and black to highlight my eyes and dark purple lipstick. The dark green lace mask covered the top half of my face and a pink, purple, blue and green rainbow wig covered my hair, plus the lower half of my face and neck had vines drawn on, obscuring the shape of my jaw. The outfit only shows if the picture is clicked on, but I was wearing over the knee emerald coloured boots that laced in a criss-cross with blooming ivy wrapping around the legs with pale purple flowers, skin coloured leggings that matched my skin tone so well it seemed I wasn't wearing anything, a dress with dark gradient purple tulle, and a low waist corset covered in leaves and ferns pointing down to keep the tulle from flying high. Biodegradable glitter covered my arms, face, chest and back. More ivy wrapped around my arms with light purple flowers. In short, I looked nothing like myself and much older than I am. This also happens to be the only picture I have of the event without any of the girls on it, since we were already friends then.

My heart is pounding with a mix of excitement and dread over this. My nerves are so high that when my phone rings I jump in fear!

"Maya! Where have you been girl? Have you seen Reid yet? He went to visit you yesterday."

"Hi. I'm sick, so I'm in bed, duh." Her voice is husky and strangled because of the cold. Her mockery doesn't have even a third of the usual amount of heat it usually does. The flu must really be eating her up. Better to cheer her up.

"How was the date with Derek? That was Derek, right?" I tease. She laughs lightly.

"Yeah, it was Derek. We had a lot of fun that night and then he brought me home like a gentleman, all proper."

"I'm glad, I'd have to kick his ass if he ever tried to hurt my best friend." While we're talking I start sending out friend requests to friends from outside of town. I have quite a lot, from field trips, family vacations, holidays out of town when I was younger, online friends and a few more occasions. My subconscious apparently resolved the whole thing while asleep, because I know exactly who to friend to make this profile seem legit in the town I want it to be.

Maya goes back to classes on Monday, a full week later. It takes just as much time for me to set up the Kat Simmons profile with friends, old pictures I've taken from the town, a few random memes and such. I can still quit. I haven't sent him the friend request yet, I tell myself for the billionth time.

Maya looks like crap. She has dark shadows under her eyes and her body is slightly thinner, the flu must've been really shitty for her to be like this. Reid gets up from the seat next to mine, where he stayed during the last week. Maya smiles at him. "You keep it. Good morning guys." Her usually loose hair is bound in a low side bun with decorative braids and a flower clip.

"How are you?" I hug her gently.

"Fine. I wanted to try to come to school today even though I'm not one hundred percent yet. If I get worse I'll call my mom." She assures. I don't like it, she should've stayed home resting. Frowning, I turn back to my homework, mentally going over it before delivery.

Hale assesses Maya with a frown, noting her pale skin and bruised eyes. He seems to have an idea about her, I can see him considering, although I don't know what it is. He doesn't say anything.

Reid drops his arm on my shoulders, pointing a mistake on my homework. Hale looks displeased and I'm about to have enough. Nothing I do is good. Nothing I do is met with approval. At least my grades are just as high as they've ever been or I'd be in a fighting mood already.

Maya leaves on third period, refusing our help and going to the nurse's office instead. Reid and I share an uneventful lunch, and nothing further of interest happens at school.

Work is a different beast. Somehow, I've become Hale's assistant. He's tutoring me after all, teaching me the ropes of equipments and using the sessions with the homeless pets as training sessions. In three days I've learned more practical knowledge than in the last five months of class. It's great, even though his teaching style is short barked orders and fuming until I get it.

Finally, it's time. I got 120 friends, several pictures up, and consistent activity. I send the friend request from my car, outside of the shelter, then drive home. Mom is at work like always, and Trina is upstairs in her bedroom doing her homework. Olivia only works until noon since she has a small child to pick up from school. I'm alone, and feeling lonely, as amazing as it seems. A loud moan from upstairs makes me jump up. Oh my gods, is she sick? I run up worried. More moans are coming out, so I enter through Trina's open door only to stop in shock. She's... not alone. Or dressed. There's a guy I've seen somewhere around school on top of her, both looking exhausted

"Oh my God! Cat!" Trina screams. Yeah, nope. Not doing this. I go to my room and lock the door, dropping onto my bed with a bounce. Oh gods, I've just caught my sister having sex. If I could scrub my sight clean, I would. At least it was at the end and not in the middle.

Loud knocking fills the room as she tries fruitlessly to talk to me. I don't want to talk to her. It's not that I'm angry, or jealous, although I wish I had someone to screw around with, it's just... this was dangerous. Mom could arrive, I did arrive. The door rattles in the hinges, but I don't give in. Hale was particularly hard on me today and I don't have the head space or energy to tackle Trina's shenanigans.

"Please, just talk to me." She begs and I get up. She jerks in surprise, almost falling inside the room when I open the door.

"It's fine. I'm not upset, I'm not judging you, well only a little, you did choose a dangerous time. I'm just tired and I need to rest." And one of our sick animals passed away, but I didn't want to tell her that.

"Cat, I-" She stops without knowing what to say. She's holding a sheet to her breasts as clothing and her face is so red I could fry eggs on it. The front door opens and slams closed.

"Chase!" She races after him and promptly trips on the sheets, falling on her knees.

"Trina!" I help her stand up, ignoring her nakedness. At the same time Mom's car pulls in. The faulty engine she refuses to fix makes a distinctive noise that sends us both scrambling.

Gathering the sheet around her we run to her room, where she grabs a change of clothes and slips inside the bathroom while I fix her room. Oh gods that dude Chase forgot his underwear in the escape. I'm feeling with revulsion just thinking about it, so I just make up her bed, throwing the sheets and blankets over it. It doesn't pass through my mind to rat her out. Just because I don't have a love life doesn't mean she can't do it, and I am a little disappointed she didn't tell me she was planning this since we never held secrets from each other before. Oh, I don't know, I'm just not feeling well today. It's always nerve wracking when an animal dies. I can't stop crying for days, and indeed, as I leave her room my face is wet.

"Vivi? Cat? Anybody home?" Mom calls out. I go down to meet her. She might be an absent mother, but she is my mother and she loves us as much as we love her.

"Oh no! What's wrong kitten?" She opens her arms, smelling sweet from a recently taken shower at the hospital.

"Nothing mom. A dog passed away at the shelter passed away, that's it." She opens her arms, I dive into them, feeling her arms around me and her kiss on my temple.

Dinner is a family affair. Mom makes stuffed chicken breast with white sauce with mushrooms, carrot rice, and onion and cheese purée, a meal with a lot of our favourites. As we're sitting down to eat she looks at me every few seconds, taking in my tight, thick spandex leggings, the thin white semi transparent long sleeve shirt and the sexy buttoned up vest on top of it. I've been wearing it all day, but now she's really paying attention to it, noting my well-made makeup, the sleek ponytail I've made after work, my perfectly made manicure which I didn't care about before...

Mom waits until halfway through dinner to speak up. "Do you have a boyfriend?" She asks me. I don't look up from my food.

"Nope." She frowns, looking at me assessingly again.

"Are you a virgin?" I burst out laughing.

"Mom, Reid and I were together for three years, do you really think so?" She sighs, rubbing her face tired tiredly. Trina is looking at us with poker face, like the guilty bad girl I just caught her being.

"I heard he's back, are you being safe?" Oh, for crying out loud! I don't even notice Trina turned pale.

"Mom, we broke up six months ago. We're not back together and we don't want to be. We're much better friends than we are lovers." Mom flinches at the L world.

"Are you on drugs?" She demands. The cutlery falls from my hands in surprise.

"What? No! How can you even insult me by thinking it?!" I demand.

"Sudden behavioural changes are a result of drugs or sexu- are you being abused? Did someone rape you?"

"I'm just tired of the way I was! Dressing like a twelve-year old at eighteen is shameful. There's nothing more to it."

"Are you being bullied?" She demands even harder.

"Alessia Greene, I am not being abused, I am not being bullied, I am not on drugs. There is no ulterior motive to my change, I simply wanted to evolve and start acting and dressing like an adult, what's wrong with it?" She takes a bite of her food, thinking and completely ignoring the fact I called her by name.

"You're still my little girl. Both of you are." She tries to caress my face but I flinch back. Wait a second here!

"I am not a little girl, mom! I know I'm barely an adult, and I have no real world experience with living in society independently, but I'm not a child either!"

"Fine. You, however, are only fifteen so don't come with that I'm an adult talk." She points her fork at Trina who manages to keep her poker face even though her hands are clenched in her lap.

Trina glares at me when mom's looking away like it's my fault mom is suddenly focused on her. I get it, mom spent so much time at work to be the head of the nurses and get good wages to support us that she missed seeing us grow up, but that doesn't mean we have to accommodate her regrets by letting her treat us as children. It doesn't work like that, and to be honest here, to myself and her, I resent the fuck out of her for it. I understand, really, I do. She wanted to give us a good life, in this amazing home we have, with the fridge full of food, but the extra gifts were nothing more than to buy our forgiveness for her absences. The three laptops we each own, all of them still functional, are excesses she purchased to salve her conscience. My car I bought with my own work, but my cellphone, some fancy schmancy gadget had an admittedly good camera and I had accessories to turn it into a decent training tool, but let's be clear, none of this makes up for her absence.

The more I think about it, the angrier I get, and the cause of the feeling is so startling I don't know what to do. Mom keeps talking wild ideas about what might have led me to change myself, but here's the thing, this confidence, this power, was inside me all along. It was only suppressed by my refusal to grow up. The fashion change was an excuse to tap into it. No matter what, I'm happy with who I am right now as a person. The anger catches me completely by surprise because I never actually stopped to think about it.

I take my dishes to the sink and wash them, listening to the conversation between mom and Trina.

"I don't care, you're too young." Mom's saying.

"Well, I don't care either, when she was my age she was already volunteering at the shelter and taking small jobs to get her own money, why can't I?" Trina demands.

"Because we don't need it anymore. I can provide for all of us." Mom's answer just confirms my feelings.

"It's not about you! It's about me. I want to do this regardless if you have the money or not. Why is that hard to understand?" Trina shoves her plate away angrily, spilling white sauce everywhere. I take her plate before anything worse happens. Her meal is barely touched, so I make her a couple sandwiches with the chicken and sauce and a bit of purée. Heh, it's weird but we like it.

Trina runs up the stairs while I'm making her the sandwiches and mom hits the table with both hands, leaving her own food untouched. I'm still upset, but I make her those sandwiches as well, and while she's showering I leave hers on her bedside table then go up to give Trina hers. She's crying in her bed with her door half closed, so I leave the plate covered with a paper towel on her bedside table and go back down to clean things.

The house is heavy, the air weighted down with mom's hurt feelings, my hurt feelings, Trina's hurt feelings. It's hard to breathe and I don't want to stick around, I really don't. The silence is overwhelming. I guess we don't realize our differences because we spend so much time away from each other, and then when we do spend time together this ends up happening. Trina is still crying in her room and mom already fell asleep for her five am shift.

I can't stay here. I really can't, so I just grab a purse with my phone, keys, ID, and a water bottle and lock the front door behind me. Reid will let me stay oh his couch.