Chapter Four

My grandmother used to tell me that life is short, and I should everything I need to do so I will not have regrets. I used to laugh at her life-related speeches, but for the first time in my life, I understood. Seeing Lucas in front of me, knowing that I can never have the guts to tell him what I feel or finally accepting the fact that I won’t be growing old with him makes me realize how short life can be.

I have known Lucas since we were kids. We grew up together and dreamt of our future together, but it hurts knowing that he left first. I always thought that I would be the first one to go as I will feel better that way. I can rest peacefully knowing that he will be the one to take care of my mother. Now that he’s here, as a soul, I really have no clue what to do next.

“Is there a problem?” Lucas asks as he looks at me with those worried eyes. My heart is full of sadness and confusion. I want to tell Lucas everything: my shaman life, my feelings for him, and even the terrible ghosts I met but I can’t seem to find my voice.

Lucas stands in front of me. He tries to take my hand, but I move it away. I cannot let him know the truth. Not yet. “I…” I try to make out some words, but nothing is coming out. “I’ll buy it for us” he says and gets the wallet from his bag. “No. I can do it” I say with a low tone. He looks really worried about me, and I just want to tell him the truth. Lucas will not be able to handle it and I do not want to be the one who will break his heart.

“Quinn, you have to tell me what’s wrong” he says and this time, his hands slipped through mine. Our eyes widen as this is the first time a ghost tried to touch me. “What’s—what’s happening…?” he asks as he moves away.

“Lu..” I call him, not minding if there are other people looking at me like I am crazy. But maybe I am. Maybe this is not real? “What’s happening to me, Quinn? I’m sure these are not superpowers, right?” I cannot take it any longer. My tears start to fall and I cry like a baby. “Hey” he says and tries to hug me, but it is no use.

“Quinn, I’m dead, right?” I want to tell him no and reassure him that everything will be alright tomorrow just like when we were kids. But I know for myself that I can only see dead people and I am 100% sure that he is one of them. “No.” I answer, I have to see the body. I need to know where it is and maybe, just maybe, I can still save him.

The people around us start murmuring after seeing me cry. Lucas looks at them then back to me. “We need to move to another place.

Our favorite spot, even when we were still young, is the park near my place. We always go there after class or work to talk about our day. We also vent our problems there, be it about work, school, family, and even his past relationships. Never did I imagine that we will have to go here when one of us is already dead.

“Stop looking at me with those sad eyes” he says and smiles. I reach out for his face, but I cannot touch it. He leans closer to me just like he used to whenever I cup his face. “I.. I can’t lose you” I mumble though I know he will hear it anyway. He chuckles, “I know”.

He takes a deep breath. I know he wants to wipe my tears because he has been doing that every time I cry. “Wait.. if I am dead, how come you can see me?

I bit my lip, trying to think of a good reason aside from the truth. “We are not yet sure that you are dead, Lu” I try to change the topic. “You can see ghosts and you never told me” he concludes with a smirk. I sigh, I guess I cannot hide the truth from him anymore. Just before I tell him my secret, my phone rings.

“Hello, auntie?” I answer, hoping that Lucas’ mom will tell me some good news. “Quinn, you need to go to the hospital. Something happened to Lucas” For the second time today, I can feel my tears streaming down my cheeks again. My heart feels tight and my hands are trembling. Before Lucas can say anything, I run to the nearest taxi bay.

“What did my mom say? Is it real? Am I dead? How?” Lucas starts bombarding me with questions the moment we ride the cab. I look at the rearview mirror to see the driver and turn to Lucas. “I do not know yet. But I don’t think you’re…” I cannot even say the word. I turn to the rearview mirror and the driver looks surprised that I am talking alone. Lucas sighs and looks away. “There is no way that this is happening to me and I am not even dead.

I sigh, “do you want to be dead so badly?” He looks at me with disbelief, “Who would want that? No one can see me except you, Quinn. I can’t even touch you. If this is not some power or witchcraft, then I am a ghost.

The thing about Lucas is that he rarely gets angry. In fact, I could not think of a moment that he got angry at me before. Hearing his frustrations right now, I can say that my persistence of reassuring him that he is not dead makes him angry.

“Please don’t get mad.” I mumble and try to control my tears from falling again. I hate being weak. I hate crying, and I hate feeling this way. “I just think that you are not a ghost, yet” I add, keeping my positive attitude. It has always been like this: I am the positive side and Lucas is negative. I think it would be better to say that he is the kind of person who is realistic than be always hopeful like me.

“But what if I am?” he answers. When we arrive at the hospital, Lucas’ family is there. His mother looks relieved to see me and immediately explained what happened. “I was planning to visit him. When I opened the door, he was there, lying with his blood all over the place.

I cup my mouth and once again, cry. She hugs me and tries to comfort me but my body is shaking too much. I can see Lucas looking at us and crying as well. “The doctor said he is in a state of coma. We just have to wait for his recovery.

I pause and move away. “Coma?” I repeat. I cannot understand why I can see him as a ghost when he is not yet dead. Could it be I am just looking at his soul? I look at him and try to understand it but all I can see is his transparent body. He is wearing the same clothes as he did when he died, just like the rest of the ghosts I sent to the afterlife.

My problem now is that I have never seen a soul before. Lucas is the first one and for some reason, this weird incident is giving me hope that I can save Lucas. Maybe if I find his killer, his soul will go back to his body and he will be alive again.

Next chapter