Chapter Six

“Please…. Please No” I said, my voice barely a whisper, my breath fast, so fast that I felt faint and sick at the same time. One of the police officers held out their arm to steady me and opened his mouth

“Are you Miss Elliot Andrews?” he asked softly, his voice sad, empathetic.

I nodded with tears threatening to fall from my eyes.

I looked up at him, pleading with my eyes to give me any kind of news but the news I was expecting. I knew it was futile.

“Miss Andrews, were sorry to inform you that earlier this evening there was a car accident a few hours north of here, Unfortunately there were no surviors and we have identified the victims as Mr Eric Andrews and Mrs Evelyn Andrews.” The cop only barely managed to say it without breaking, but I let out an ear piercing scream, This wasn’t happening.

Before I knew it I was on the ground, tears falling thick and fast. I wasn’t sure who was around me, or what they were saying. I felt numb.

My parents were gone, dead, I am alone, like normal… but now it was different.

I felt someone lift me, but my eyes were too puffy to open and look who. I was placed on the couch and a blanket placed gently on top of me. The blanket felt like a deadweight, holding me down, sinking me in to the ground, but I didn’t care. Maybe sinking in to the ground would be a good thing, maybe then I could finally be with my family.

“Mr C…. is she going to be okay?” I heard Louise say softly, her voice was choked up.

“I don’t know, I think tonight it might be a good idea if we take shifts watching her, I’ll go first, you and Ryan go get some sleep”

“You sure?

“I’ll wake you in a few hours” He murmured

I heard louise walk away and footsteps walked toward me, and sat beside me on the couch. I forced my eyes open and looked up at Matt, his eyes were full of heartache, and concern.

“Who called you over?” I whispered, my voice croaky, sore from the crying

“I heard you scream, Elliot, I am so sorry” his eyes filled up with tears and my throat suddenly felt choked up again and I closed my eyes before I could watch them fall. The knot in my throat didn’t disappear though and before I knew it I was falling apart all over again. Matt’s arms wrapped around me and held me as I cried. I mustve fallen asleep crying, because when I woke it was starting to get light out. My head pounded which I figured was probably a mixture of the alcohol and the crying. There was warmth on my back and it took a few minutes to realise that I was lying on Matt’s lap, his arm resting on my back. I sat up, even though my world had been thrown on it’s head, then stabbed a million times, I knew sleeping on my teacher was hardly appropriate.

The house felt larger and emptier than it had in a long time, even though there were technically more people in the house right now than there had been for a while. I stood up and walked over to the last family portrait we’d had done, a full six years ago when I was 12. It was just before they had bought the restaurant. We looked happy, like a real family, and we were.

I ran my hands over the slightly dusty glass, Why hadn’t I just told them how much I needed them?

I brought the frame to my chest and walked out of the lounge in to the dining room. The police had left paperwork on the table, but I couldn’t look at that now, I couldn’t face the reality of what was going to become of me now. I walked into the kitchen and my moms dirty glass from breakfast the night before sat on the bench, her deep red lipstick print, sat perfectly on the edge. I grabbed the glass and walked upstairs to my parents bedroom. Unsurprisingly, it looked barely lived in, like it was a showroom home. I walked over to the bed and fell to my knees, burying my head into the black and white comforter. I wasn’t alone for long, my friends soon flanked my sides, wrapping their arms around me.

“I’m so sorry Ellie” Louise whispered, gently kissing me on the head.

I turned and sat up against the bed, holding the hands of my best friends. The photo sat on my lap, the glass beside it and I just set my eyes on them, they were just mementos now, inanimate objects that could not and would not bring them back.

“I’m an orphan” proclaimed the realisation as I realised it, the words breaking my heart. I had no siblings, and my parents were gone. Any remaining family was hours and hours away, and distant. My family tree was just a broken branch on the ground now.

“I might go make some coffee” Ryan offered, pressing his lips on my head gently before getting up and walking from the room. I rest my head on Louise’s shoulder and stared at the wall.

“What am I going to do Lou?” I whispered, the thoughts I didn’t want to think about continuing to creep in to my head. Where was I going to stay, who was going to look after me. Was I going to have to move to a distant relatives house?

“Ryan called his mom last night, she’s going to organise the paperwork to be your guardian. You don’t need to worry about that now though Elliot, that’s not important right now” she replied softly.

I didn’t want to move, even though it hadn’t been much of a family home the past 5 years, it was now the only thing that kept me connected to my parents. That and the restaurant.

“I feel like I’ve aged ten years in the space a few hours” I groaned

“You’re allowed to feel that way, in fact. I think I’d be more concerned if you didn’t”

I shrugged, and let my head fall back on the mattress. One thing was for sure, my life was different now, and it wasn’t a happy good kind of different.

As day light began to pour in to the bedroom, Louise and I got up, I placed the frame and glass on the bed and walked out and back downstairs. Ryan and Matt stood in the kitchen chatting about something, they both stopped as we walked in to the kitchen and looked over at us. Matt handed me a mug of coffee and I let the warmth from the cup radiate up through my fingers, and palms and up my arms. The warmth reminded me I was still alive, I wasn’t numb.

I took a sip of the coffee and walked in to the dining room. I pulled the paperwork over and glanced over it. It was mostly about procedure for Minor’s and guardianship.

I was 18 in two months, needing a guardian was a mere formality. I’d been taking care of myself for 5 years, and I wasn’t sure I wanted or needed that to change now.

The day past in a blur, Ryan took Louise home around 10am and Matt sort of hung around until ryan’s mom Cathy came over at 11.30am. She asked what I wanted, if I wanted to live with family, or if I wanted to live with her. I explained my life for the past 5 years, the fact I’d basically been looking after myself, and had done okay. So she offered to be my guardian, but allow me to live here.

It was the best I could hope for in this horrible situation, and although the news was still fresh in my mind, burning me every time I stopped to think, Knowing I didn’t have to uproot my life any more than it already was, soothed me if only a little.

When night fell I was a complete mess again. I couldn’t sleep, because everytime I closed my eyes, I heard the bang on the door, and it killed me over and over. I looked over at the clock. It was 11.30, this time 24 hours ago… the police were at my door telling me my parents had died. The thought simmered in my head and I ran to the toilet. I dry wretched, remembering the only thing I’d ingested all day way the coffee. I stumbled outside, wearing shorts and a singlet, I couldn’t be in the house tonight… maybe I was doing the wrong thing by trying to stay? I glanced over at Matt’s house, this porch light was on, and I found myself wondering if he was awake. Maybe I could go talk to him. Without thinking I stood up and walked across the lawn, and the road and up Matt’s driveway.

I went to knock, but stopped my hand before it hit the door.

What was I doing? Why was I at my teachers door half naked?

I shook my head, and turned around, yes he had helped me, he was a teacher that was his job, his job wasn’t to continue being harassed by me however. I began to walk back down the steps but heard the door click open and knew he’d heard me, or seen me.

“Elliot, are you alright?” he asked, his hand catching my shoulder, and gently turning me around. I felt my skin redden, I wasn’t even sure why I’d chosen to come here.

“Sorry, I, I don’t know why I came here” I stammered, trying to turn back around, Matt reaffirmed his grip by putting his other hand on my other shoulder.

“I couldn’t sleep. I keep hearing the door knocking” I whispered, barely holding back tears.

“Come in Elliot, you can sleep here” he whispered back, his right hand sliding down my arm to my wrist. He led me inside to the lounge and sat me on his leather couch, he walked into the kitchen and opened his fridge.

“Have you eaten Elliot?” he asked in an authoritative tone

“Yes” I lied to avoid having to eat, I knew my stomach wouldn’t handle it, and that if he made me eat I would probably bring it right back up. “I should go home… plan a funeral or something” I said flippantly, like it was nothing. Matt walked back in to the lounge and handed me a glass of milk.

“Milk?” I asked

“Always helps me go to sleep” He shrugged, a caring tone in his voice, he sat beside me, taking a long drink of his own glass of milk.

“Thanks Matt” I said sipping on the milk.

Once I had finished I place the cup on the coffee table and lay my head back against the couch, my eyes were heavy and I was incredibly tired. I turned to look over at Matt, he must have felt me looking because he looked over at me our eyes lingering for a few seconds too long. I felt something in my stomach, the familiar flip flop I’d been having, only much stronger. Without thinking I moved closer to Matt, too close, and before I realised what I was doing, my lips were pressed against his. I knew it was wrong, I knew I was being a stupid girl with misdirected emotions acting out on a stupid crush I had been having, but what surprised me was how good it felt. I expected Matt to shove me aside and feed me some line about how I was a nice girl, but I was his student, and it was wrong. However, for a couple of seconds, he kissed me back, it was electric, the voltage alone enough to power the school football field lights. Just as I wanted more he pulled himself away, swiftly.

“I’m sorry Elliot, I shouldn’t have let that happen” Matt said ruefully

“I did it?” I muttered, annoyed with myself for being so pathetically stupid.

“I’m the adult here though aren’t I… the teacher, not to mention you’ve very recently had your entire life turned upside down” he exclaimed, being much too hard on himself.

“Forget it happened, please” I pleaded, feeling stupid for letting my emotions control me like that, the kiss had felt good though, and I had been sad when it ended, what did that mean for my “feelings” for Matt?

“Forgotten” he smiled, I nodded, feeling like the kiss was anything but forgotten, in fact it still lingered on my lips, and the thought of it made me only want to do it again.

The more I thought about Matt’s words “You’ve recently had your entire life turned upside down” the more I wondered if it would really be all that different. I had been looking after myself for the last five years anyway. My heart was aching because I had no chance to re-establish a connection with my parents and It broke my heart to know I couldn’t tell them I loved them. I was thankful for the last morning with them, thankful I’d seen them and spoken to them, life for me didn’t feel like it was going to be any different.

I fell asleep on the couch sometime later, and woke around 7am with a blanket on top of me. Matt must have been in bed because he wasn’t around. I snuck out of the blanket and tiptoed across the wooden floor to the door. Matt had been really nice, looking after me and helping out. I’d crossed the line last night though, and my crush was getting out of hand with all my emotions being so frazzled. I shut the door quietly behind me and strode down the driveway, across the road and over my lawn. I walked inside and sat at the table. I had a funeral to plan. A restaurant full of workers to inform. A life to continue living.

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