I can't believe her. She chose going to the party instead of helping me to finish our homework early. She thinks she can do anything while being partnered with me. I can't believe her. Just because she knows I am focused and organized doesn't mean I have to do this all by myself. That's why it's called a group work because a group will work and cooperate with one another. Maybe I should've really told Mr. Danwich for to be an individual work. My phone vibrates and it is a text coming from Dinah.
D: Hoe! What are you doin'?
C: As usual. You know it.
D: Well it sounds boring get a life!
C: In case you forgot, I have a life and I'm super happy about it.
D: Ooooohhh sounds sarcastic makes me wanna ask you to this party.
C: Ohhh shut up!
D: How's goin' with you and Lauren?
C: What do you mean?
D: Well you guys get along a lot lately it makes me feel jealous I'm your best friend!
C: We are partnered for this group work. So lame.
D: Oh that's why she bought a freakin' book. It's really because of you.
C: What?! What do you mean?!
D: Your homework is about making a review about a book right? Well Lauren bought a book earlier and I kind of loved the cover of the book by the way if that's your recommendation.
She bought a book?! She must've told me so I'd offer her to borrow mine instead since I'm finished with it already.
C: Ohhhh yeah ur right! Don't drink too much I will not go there anymore!
D: We'll see about that. ;)
C: Ugggghhhh Dinah pleaseeee I will sleep you can't wake me!
D: You are so lame. Go away.
C: Nooooo u go away!
D: Bye hoe!
C: I hate you!
D: I love you too!
And just like that I feel alone once again. My mother texted a while ago was asking on how I have been doing. These days are the days I feel like going home. I want to be close to my mother and just talk to her about random things. I want to ask a lot of things to her because I know she knows all the answers to my questions. But I can't and she also has no time because she goes to work and I understand that she does it for the family. Ever since my father died, working is her way to cope and survive his death or at least, that's what I thought.
I miss them so much. I miss home so bad.
I start to type words as introduction for our homework. A review about All the Bright Places which I consider is one of the most traumatizing books I've ever read in my entire life. It's about a boy called Finn and a girl whose name is Violet. They have fallen in love with each other's flaws in attempt to discover what's more to their lives. I've really fallen in love with this book as much as the characters have fallen in love with each other. It made me cry like I didn't wanna talk to anyone after reading it. I remember Dinah buying me packs of tissues and never wanting to leave by my side because she thought I would commit suicide when she left me.
Those were the days.
"Mama Sinu, why do people kill themselves?" I asked her while she was preparing my favorite pancakes with blueberries on top. I didn't think I'd ever stop eating pancakes ever.
"They kill themselves because they want to end the pain." She stopped what she's doing and looked at me. "They believed that if they stopped existing then the pain would end. But they're wrong. That's the time the pain would start."
"Why do people experience pain then?" I asked once more.
Mama Sinu smiled at me. "It's normal honey. We get to live in this world to experience love, happiness and pain. But that doesn't mean that the world is unfair. It is balanced and it gives us so much more than what we deserve."
"I understand now..." Mama Sinu laughed. "Pain is inevitable like change."
Mama Sinu placed my pancakes on the table. The pancakes looked so good with blueberries on top and this was the first time I had thoughts before eating it. "Camila, you will not hurt the pancakes when you eat it. You silly, kid." Mama Sinu seemed to read what was going on my mind.
"I just thought of what you told me... I suddenly f-feel bad for eating these pancakes." I acted like I really felt bad and sad about the idea of eating the pancakes and Mama Sinu started laughing once again.
She tapped my shoulder. "It is a different thing, Camila. When you grow up, you'll understand and soon your questions will be answered." I smiled at her. "Now go eat your pancakes before it gets all cold, okay?" Now it was my turn to laugh and started eating half of my pancakes. No matter what I thought of, it felt and tasted so good.
Mama Sinu left to buy more groceries for stock and I went outside, sat on our garden and watched the sky. The stars would soon appear and I would be once again accompanied by their light. It has become a daily routine for me to go outside and watch the stars. While I was watching the stars, I would bring my guitar with me and play some songs. I learned playing a guitar with a friend and watching random Youtube video tutorials. It felt even better to watch the stars while singing my favorite songs and being alone with them. Most of the time I would try to connect the stars like connecting the dots and form my name and it would be so fun.
I could hear my mom's car getting parked in the driveway and I would run my way inside to meet her. "Oh you're here! What's the guitar for?" She asked.
"Do you want me to sing something for you mama?" She nodded and I smiled before strumming the guitar. "Okay here it is."
And I, I hate you see your heart break
I hate to see your eyes get darker as they close
But I've been there before
And you repeat the chorus. That's it." I laughed and Mama Sinu hugged me tight.
"Your voice is lovely my dear. Sometimes I forget that you can sing better than me. Do you wanna be a singer?"
I was surprised at her question because being a kid, I would want anything in the world but life doesn't work that way. "I don't know mama. Maybe when I grow up I will be someone I'm destined to be." Before she even responded our telephone rang repeatedly. She let go of our hug and I didn't know but my heart beat rapidly as if something bad happened.
"What?! What do you mean? H-how! W-what happened t-to him... Oh my God!" She dropped the call and she covered her face with her hands. I ran to hug her and she hugged me back but not as tight as before. It felt so weak I wanted to cry.
I didn't even have to ask. My mother answered the questions that were running in my mind.
"It's your f-father... He g-got into a c-car accident. H-he's... g-gone..." As much as it hurt listening to my mother say that my father died. That our lives were changed forever after this night. The next morning we went to the hospital where he was admitted and I've never seen my mom so weak and helpless.
That was the night home stopped being home to me.
My phone vibrates which stopped the flashbacks from coming to my senses. It's a text coming from an unknown number. (UN= Unknown Number)
I don't reply because I don't even know who it is and how that person got my number. My phone vibrates once again.
UN: I'm a friend of Dinah!
C: What?! Who are you? Where is Dinah?!
UN: I'm with her you don't have to worry we are having fun.
C: Stop playing with me and just tell me who you are. Boy or girl?
UN: Feisty as always! One of the reasons why I like talking to you.
C: And what do you mean by that?!
UN: You do know what I mean...
C: Can you stop the game and just tell me who you are! Or I'm gonna have to track your phone number and go to the police for God knows what happened to my friend!
UN: Camila you have to chill out! This is me. Lauren. Hello there you seem like you've had a real bad day.
Oh. I forgot we haven't even exchanged numbers yet.
UN: Dinah gave me your number because she wanted to know how you are doing. She ran out of load or battery I guess so she asked me to text you instead.
C: Okay. I'm good. Just tell her to don't drink too much and don't just lap dance random guys.
UN: Hahaha sure I'll tell her that. Are you sure you're good?
C: Of course! Why wouldn't I be?
UN: Of course. I'll talk to you later then.
I didn't bother to reply back. Why did she even bother texting me? She's at the party for sure they're all accompanied with random people who just throw themselves out at them. I gave up on working on our homework. At least I've done the introduction part. My phone vibrates once again and it's not a text but a call. My mouth form an 'o' when I realize who's calling. It's Dinah's mother. Oh my God what do I do? What do I do?!
I've got plan A and B.
Plan A: Don't answer the call and text her tomorrow morning that I slept all day.
Plan B: Text Lauren where the party is located at and go get Dinah's ass to talk to her mother.
I'm going to go for Plan B of course. It will forever haunt me if I pick plan A. This is one hell of a night once again.
I answered the call and told Dinah's mother that Dinah's at some place I didn't know but I'd be getting her so they can talk. She was thankful and I dropped the call proceeding to plan B.
C: Hey Lauren. Where's your party at?
L: Wait! Why are you asking? Are you gonna go to the party?
C: Nooo I have some business to do there so if you just tell me then it would be better.
L: You're always so annoyed. Wait I'm gonna type it.
C: Dinah's mother called me and she told me she needed to talk to Dinah. I've got nothing to do but grab Dinah from there to here because I'm a really good friend.
L: I can see that. Text me when you're here then.
She gave me the address and I just took on some decent pants and white shirt and my favorite pair of sneakers. I don't care how the hell I look I just don't want this night to be like the other night. I took a cab and told him the address where the party is located at.
When I'm already at the area I text Lauren.
C: I'm already here. Mind if you meet me outside? There are a lot of people I'm suffocating.
I don't get a reply for about five minutes so I just go through random people who smell different types of alcohol and cigarettes' smoke and I still can't stop Dinah. I text Dinah in hopes she would see it.
C: I'm here at the party you, Ally and Lauren went. Where are you?
I sent the text message a bunch of times in case her phone is in silent mode so it vibrates repeatedly. Oh my God Dinah Jane you always put me into this mess you should be grateful not the other way around.
"Hey!" This is the thing I've planned to avoid whenever I go to parties. I ignore him. "Are you deaf or something?" That's it. I need someone to talk to. Maybe she knows Ally.
"Oh I'm sorry the sounds... it's really loud. Anyway, do you somehow know Ally?" He acts as if he's thinking about a certain person and I don't know if he pretends or not.
He smiles at me. "I think I know Ally but I'm not sure if we're thinking of the same person though." This gives me hope and I smile and try to be nice at him. I describe Ally to him.
"She's really short and her hair's kind of brunette and her eyes are a bit round and her body is average not fat nor thin. She really looks small and she's into fashion." He smiles at me once again.
"Yeah we're thinking of the same Ally." He tells me excitedly. Let me just go get her for you or do you wanna come?!" But when I almost followed him. My eyes catch a glimpse of a person I really know and I bet my eyes don't like the scene. It's Lauren. She's with another girl and what makes it funnier? They're making out. In front of my virgin eyes. "Hey are you still gonna come with me?" I look away and follow him to find Dinah who puts me into this situation, as usual.