💞Chapter Six💞

“Hey, Ella? Are you fine?” Bell noticed my silence and maybe I looked pale just as I rushed here at the office, like, thirty minutes ago—after I realized that I was really..talking to N-Nixon’s ghost!

“I feel sleepy, Bell. I really need a bad rest.” I replied. So what happened last night? It was real! He wrote down all what he did and how he saved me from that criminal!

But, why me? Hah! Why to bother me among everyone else’s? How about his family—friends or yeah, his women! Why not them? Why me!

Urg. My migrane was really bad! I was over-thinking, less sleep, and yeah, I needed to rest early. Maybe should had under time later. That’s way better!

I securely locked my room after I got in. I already ate dinner at the hospital’s canteen right before I got home today. Hush. I tightly shut my eyes and then opened up again.

There’s no way that a Nixon jammed my head like this. Even his ghost! I putted down my bag and started cleaning up the mess here inside my room. I started with those pieces of papers that I threw on the floor—I’d been composing songs lately but still couldn’t figure perfect notes for it. I couldn’t helped not to pick up my old guitar after cleaning up and organizing messy things here.

Well, I should bury myself in strenuous things and so I forgotten what had happened lately. I mapped the floor, washed the dishes at the sink, cooked food and then took a bathe after. I grabbed this can of beer out from my mini-ref—maybe I bought this a week ago but forgotten to drink. Need this!

I turned on the player and played soft pop music from female artists. I reached for my diary and opened the page where Nixon’s ghost wrote how he became my hero.

I was the hero tonight, wasn’t I? He trespassed and wrote this ridiculous line!

“I am my hero.” I was about to tore it out from the pages of my diary but I halted suddenly. Sh*t! I drank my beer and closed back my diary. I drank all the liquid straight—I wanted to have a good sleep!

My eyes pinned back to my diary when it opened like somebody was flipping the page of it until at the last paper of my notebook—h-he’s here again, isn’t he? My drawer opened itself and he seemed looking for..something. My hand held my pen.

“Looking for this?” I casually asked but I was..hell terrified inside. Who the hell not? There’s a ghost here buzzing me! My pen flew in the air out from my hand and seemed he wished to write something—now he chose to write it on the last page.

Ella, let me introduce myself to you. Hi, I’m Nixon Brooks and I knew you know me well. He wrote on the paper and let me read. My emotions suddenly shifted to those days that I saw different girls cried because of him!

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, you’re a total jerk. You haven’t changed even a bit.” I replied though it seemed I was talking to myself here—but no, I was talking with Nixon! I paused the music coz it clearly did not suit the ambiance now when he’s ghost was here again.

I’m sorry about what your father had done to you and your late mother. What? H-How did he..well, he must had read my diary from the beginning until end! He was totally over-using his ghostly skill here—“How dare you read my diary, Nixon!” I yelled. If only I could see where he was, I’d threw this lamp shade straight to his face!

Look, I want to help you to see your father, okay? It’s not me—I’m not your enemy, Ella. You need to see your father. He’s sick and wishes to see you. My emotions darkened. I knew it registered unto my face. This was always the things I didn’t want to bring out to talked about—I knew that he’s sick!

“Who cares? Who the f**k are you to tell me that?” I smirked and being sarcastic to him. “When you couldn’t even advice that to your f***ng self? Who’s this sh*t Nixon Brooks, anyway?” I wanted to burst sarcastic laughter of what he wrote on the notebook. Who cares when’s sick!

But I knew that.

He was once admitted to the hospital. It happened that I was on duty that day and I met him accidentally—he said sorry in front of his wife.

Yet, I had only knew, since he left—I don’t have a father to call to.

I know I need to fix my life, too. I messed up, Ella. And I want you to help me. Let’s help each other, please!

Hah! Madness flooded out. “And you’re proposing that you’ll help me reconnect to my father? That’s so sh*t! I don’t need any help, Mr. Brooks—you need help for sure. And that’s not me who’ll offer such coz in the first place, you and my father definitely have something in common!” I blatantly yelled wherever he was right now. Was what he thinking? That he’d scare me out because he’s a f***ing ghost! I was braver that I thought I could be—when both of my parents chose to live me alone in this world.

Your father is dying, Ella. Can’t your heart forgive him even if in his last breath? I closed my fist—trying to remembered those days when my mother was amidst depression.

“My mother lost her life in front of my eyes. Did he came to save her?” Clouded by madness, tears were about to fall out—no, I promised nobody could ever made me cry like before! “..where was he when I needed him the most? Well, you could not understand how it feels like, Nixon Brooks. You’re just a man.”

***

I lost words hearing her say those. Hell, of course I felt the pain—I am a human! I felt her.. And I started to feet regrets of those bad deeds I did—hurting women, letting them chase, throwing them out!

She’s right..

How could I fix someone when I should be fixed too?

How could I teach her when I need to teach myself first?

I didn’t know what to write and say to her—everything I did was all messed up. It seemed that I had everything in life but I always messed up. I was seating beside her, two feet apart from her and stood up. Ella Moray was absolutely someone that should be treasured—kept and handled with care. I breathe hard and went out her apartment.