Start Again

Sometimes when I stared at him, I wondered if everyone else saw the same man I did.

Did they see a handsome young man, devoted and dedicated to his company? Or did they see an exhausted man that was overworked who needed a good night's sleep?

Did they think his eyes were a beautiful silver colour or would they see them as the gloomy grey thunderclouds in the sky before a storm? I could no longer tell when they would go from being peaceful to look at, to a raging angry storm.

Maybe they thought his jawline was strong, defined and almost desirable. But all I could see was the clenched molars behind that jaw, right at the back of the jawline near just before his skin dipped down to form the throat. I couldn’t remember the last time I didn’t see a clenched jaw, for he was always stressed.

Everyone thought he was tall but all I could see was that he used it to be intimidating and to assert his dominance. He needed that at work, not at home.

Strangers saw him as beautiful, handsome and intelligent. I wasn’t a stranger, but I might as well be one, even though I didn’t see anything that they saw.

Standing in the middle of his work event, I could see everyone would go up to say hello to him, almost like he was the friendliest boss they had ever met. Yet I was standing so far away from him, trying to avoid any contact.

But I had to go over, we put on a good show when we needed to. I was the perfect wife, always attending his events, putting in effort to be presentable to be the wife of one of the most successful businessmen in the country.

I always played my part, perfectly, or so I thought.

I worked up the courage to finally approach him when I noticed the two staff members talking to him walk away. When he turned to look at me, my stomach flipped.

Before I married him, it used to flip in the good way, butterflies soaring in my tummy.

No… well it flipped in the bad way, my stomach had a dense pain to it that something bad was going to happen.

Jasper Rutherford, to most he was the perfect husband. Behind the closed doors of our house, he was anything but a husband. Not even an ok one, he was below average maybe.

He smiled when he saw me, a smile that never reached his eyes anymore, why can’t he smile like he used to? But for everyone else they just saw their boss smiling at his wife, not the underlying annoyance that he had to talk to me.

“Yes Arabella?” He asked, almost knowing that I wanted something from him.

“Do you think it’s time we go?” I asked, the question that I was too scared to ask him. We had been here since six p.m. and now it was two a.m. Most of the people had left, so surely we could go home now.

“Soon.” Jasper said, turning to look at his phone, his eyes focused on the emails.

“How soon?” I asked, I was trying not to fall asleep standing.

“I have work to do.”

Work? Now?

Jasper suddenly looked up, his grey eyes focused on something past me, before he raised a hand and waved.

I turned around to see Henry rushing towards us, his personal assistant.

“Henry, can you take Mrs. Rutherford home?” Jasper asked, once Henry approached us.

I looked at Jasper questioningly.

“I have stuff to do. You go home.” Jasper stated in a tone that meant that was the end of the conversation. He placed his phone back in his pocket, and started walking away from me.

I sighed looking at Henry, “I guess we heard him.” I said to the elderly man.

“Of course, follow me Mrs. Rutherford.”

He wanted me to go home?

Fine.

I’ll go home. To my real home.