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I drop my bags with a plop in front of the door after just opening it while my heart broke.

This beautiful apartment that i used to love and holds so many beautiful memories,now hurts me physically.

I look around and cough when i see all the dust that has gathered on the floor and on all the furniture.

I lock the door before opening the windows and let some fresh air in.

I take the bags with all the clean clothes- curtesy of my mother,and place them inside the closet.

Last time i left,I didn't really get a chance to pack so I had to buy some new clothes back home.

I put on some shorts and a tank top before opening the bag of food I bought for breakfast.

I turn on the TV and sit on the floor so I can eat breakfast before i start doing all my work.

I slept the entire flight so I'm not tired,and i should be okay with cleaning up this place.

As I'm looking around the room my eyes stop at a particular place close to the wall.

A huge lump gets stuck in my throat when i see the blood covered wall,carpet and floor.

My appetite gets cut off immediately so i get up and toss the container in the trash.

I walk to the bathroom and gather all the detergents i have.I grab rags,a brush,brooms and everything else.

I dust and clean and brush and scrub until my body aches and my fingers bleed so this place looks spotless.

I throw away everything in my fridge since it's all rotten and gone bad and decide to go shopping.

I wait a couple of minutes in the checkout line and smile at the familiar cashier.

"Hi Sienna."

"Hi sweetie.Where have you been?" She asks as she scans my items.

"I went home for the summer.But here I am."

She chuckles "I just missed seeing your cute smile,that's all.That'll be 22.15 please." She says as i take out the money from my wallet.

Yeah well,I missed a lot if things too.

***

I sigh as i lean against my car window and wait in front of the house.

I have the radio turned on a little so I don't get so bored.

Half an hour or so passes as i just sit there and wait.

I duck down when I see his parents finally leave for work and sigh.

I get out of my car and gather all my courage before knocking on the front door.

Deep breathes,deep breathes.

"Hey mom? Did you forget anyth..." He stops when he opens the door and just stares at me for a few seconds before trying to slam the door but i block it with my hand.

"Five minutes!" I say looking at him.

"Go to hell."

"Tucker,please.Just let me talk to you for five minutes." I beg as he rubs his face in anger.

"Fuck,fine." He says walking to one of the rooms ahead of me.

"How have you been?" I ask as we stand across from each other in his living room.

"What the fuck do you want?" He says loudly,making me flinch.

I sigh "I know that you hate me,and I know that I hurt everyone.But I wanna apologize and tell you the truth." I say wiping tears off my face.

So I do.I tell Tucker everything.

"You weren't the first person I thought I would apologize to.But I can't face Caleb,and Emily hates me.So...here we are."

"So,he...he's gone?" He asks ad I nod.

"Lara...I'm so sorry." Tucker says slowly walking towards me.

"I know we fought a lot,but I was still so heartbroken when I left.I really missed you." I say before he wraps his arms around me.

"I love you." I say crying into his shoulder.

"I love you too sweetheart.It's gonna be okay." He says rubbing my back comfortingly.

"They hate me.Everyone hates me." I sigh as i pull away.

"Look at me." He says tipping my chin "Do you love Emily?" He asks and I nod.

"Do you love Caleb?" He asks and I nod again.

"Then It's going to be alright."

"I really hope so."

***

I bite my nails anxiously as I wait for them.

This is happening.After three months of replaying this scenario in my head,It's finally happening.

My heartbeat increases by a hundred when i hear the door click.

"Okay,just follow me." Tucker says walking while holding both of Emily's hands while she's blindfolded.

She wouldn't have came otherwise.

"A couple of more steps." He says walking to the middle of the room.

"Tucker just take this thing off already." She says as I smile listening to her sweet voice.

"Okay.But...I don't know how you are good to feel about this." He says taking it off.

She blinks a couple of times to adjust to the light before her eyes land on me and I swear they turn black.

"No." She simply says before turning around but Tucker blocks her with his chest.

"No.Let me go.No." She says pushing and hitting his chest as her voice brakes.

"Em,please.Sweetheart please." Tucker says repeatedly,cupping her face and kissing her from time to time.

I feel my heart sink at the memories but also from all the pain I have caused.

"Just talk to her..." I her murmurs as I snap out of my thoughts.

"I'll be right downstairs if you need me." Tucker says to both of us.

"Okay.Thanks Tuck." I say as he nods and leaves,closing the door behind him.

Emily faces the wall for a couple of seconds before finally turning around and slowly walking towards me.

She looks different.

She is still my beautiful best friend with dark eyes and raven hair.

But she's different.

Her hair is longer,and she's more tan.

From all the California sunshine,I assume.

And she looks heartbroken.

That's because of me.

"Emily,I am so..." I am interrupted when a sharp noise echoes in the apartment and the side of my face stings.

I look at her In shock bas I hold my cheek,which I'm guessing is turning red.

Tears stream down her face and a sob erupts from her throat before her arms are around me in a second.

We both sink to our knees and cry and cry for what feels like hours.

"What the hell is wrong with you? I didn't know if you were dead or alive.And you send me an email? A shitty email?!" She shouts while she shakes me by my shoulders.

"I'm sorry." I say wiping my face.

"I hate you.I hate you so much.But I'm glad you are okay you selfish horrible bitch." She says hugging me again as i chuckle.

"What happened Lara? I thought you loved him? You...you broke him." She says,her words like knives in my heart.

"I swear I didn't mean too.It was the only way to keep him safe Em.All of you safe.I...I..." I mumble before I brake down again.

And so again,I tell her everything.

We lie on the floor,staring at the ceiling while both of us talked for about three hours.

"What did the doctor say?" She asks.

"Eight stitches on my head." I say as he takes a deep breath i anger.

"That spot by the window,close to the wall.The floor is ruined."

"Yeah.It is." I say as she nods in understatement.

"You look good." She says as I smile slightly.

"I didn't really have an apatite,so i lost some weight.I cut my hair.And i spent a lot of time swimming and sitting on the beach.It helped me think.I got tan." I say and she nods.

"You didn't...try again.Did you?" She asks as I shake my head.

"I promised him I wouldn't."

"About him..."

"Emily don't."

"Shut up.I know you wanna know but are too scared to ask." She says sitting up as i follow her actions.

"He was heartbroken.And hurt. And angry.First he cried,then punched everything,then he drank."

"He drank and partied and drank until he felt numb.He blamed himself then you then himself again,then you." She says as I gulp.

"He hates you,and I know that's hard for you to hear but It's true.But once you tell him everything and explain,I'm sure he'll forgive you."

"His mom has a client and a case in Chicago so he went with her.So I haven't seen him in a month.He started boxing as a way to relieve stress and anger.Muff got bigger.And everything is a mess.But It's all gonna work out.I promise." She says as I smile.

"I really hope so." I sigh "Do you wanna sleep over?" I ask.

"Sure.Tucker went home and hour ago." She says as I nod and we both get up.

"I'm gonna use the bathroom.I'll be right back." She says as I nod.

I use the time to call my parents and tell them that I'm fine and everything is almost good.

This summer i told them everything.

They know my friends as a girl,her boyfriend and the tall boy i like.

I wish it was that simple.

"Lara..."

I turn as my eyes widen at Emily who is holding my dress from that day.

The blue one with pink flowers that Caleb bought me.

It's covered in blood.

"I...I forgot about the guest bathroom." I barely whisper.

She smiles.

"Do you have some detergent? It would be a waste to leave this beautiful dress like this because of some paint."

"Yeah...I'll go get it."

"Great,we can wash It.And then watch whatever movie you want." She says grabbing my hand.

"Okay." I say a little dazed.

"I love you sweetie." She says kissing my cheek.

"I love you too.Thank you." I say as she smiles as we walk to the bathroom.

"You know,we missed your birthday.I had your present all ready..."

"No way.What did you get me?"

"Its a surprise.I'll give it to you tomorrow."

"I can't wait till then."

"I hat to wait two months for an email.Shut up you bitch." She says smacking my butt.

"At least your ass is rounder and bigger than ever." She says as I chuckle.

"Thanks Em."

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