TORMENTED HEARTS

I shuddered when my Boss yelled at the small window which separating from the kitchen and the dining room. The two cups of porridge almost slipped from my hand because I was shocked by her loud voice. My pride was down for now that's why I chose to ignore her.

"What the hell with this pregnant woman? What took you so long, Marel? My customer is already bored! Come, and take that out here! Faster!" She scolded me. She didn't care even if she knew that I was pregnant. She even glared at me and looked as if I'm a mess.

"Coming out, Ma'am! Here it is." I put the porridge on the table and still manage to answer her politely. I don't want to be insulted, but what can I do? I'm too weak and helpless. I'm afraid that if she gets mad, she will fire and get me rid out of here. I don't have a home to stay with, except here in her small canteen. That's why I'm trying my best not to annoy her because I might be ending up sleeping on the road. For now, I need to endure all of this because I badly needed a source of income just to save up until I give birth. Then, after I give birth, I will leave this hell.

Even when I was outside, My Boss was still scolding me. I feel a mixture of shame and discrimination while in the middle of people looking at me and wanted to take a picture of my Boss's humiliation to me. Her words made me want to run and slap the pain I was feeling right now. 

"Why can't she keep her mouth shut? She always humiliates me in front of the customers." I am so disgusted with her right now. 

"You just wasted your beauty, and you gave up your studies because you chose to flirt with a man who isn't responsible for his actions. He only made you pregnant then left you as nothing happened. If you had prioritized your studies, you would have graduated and are now applying or working at the largest companies like Montenegro's."

I felt a pang of pain in my heart as she pronounced that name. Montenegro. I will never forget that surname. I held on tightly to the tray I am holding as if I'm getting my strength from it. Every nerve in my body seemed to throb at what she said, but I chose to calm down because I felt my baby kicking on my tummy. This baby is a gift from God, and I love him so much. He is a gift, and I always put that on my head even though I suffered a lot when he came into my life. I looked down at my swollen tummy and caressed the part where my baby kicked. 

"You know what? The owner's son of Montenegro was the same age as you, but look at him? He's now making a lot of money, and look what you did to yourself? You got pregnant without a husband, and the man who got you pregnant left you!" She added.

 I secretly threw a sharp stare at her and quietly left to end her discussion. I went back to the kitchen to retake the following order, but when I reached for the tray with four cups of porridge, Hilda, my colleague and close friend of mine here in the canteen, stopped me.

She sparingly smiled at me and slowly got the tray from my hands. I am about to bring that outside and serve the customers.

"Let me help you with this. I already told Luisa that you would be taking care of money so that you will not go outside to serve anymore. I'm the one who's scared when you serve." She volunteered. "Why is Boss so mad at you? What's her reason?" She asked.

I bent down and wondered what’s the reason why her blood was always boiling at me because I don't even know.  My lips formed in a thin line. I can bear all of her insults even though she wanted to push me while walking and serving. She's been satisfied when humiliating me in front of people. But in what Hilda said, I seemed to feel again the appreciation from the person who is close to me. To be appreciated. I've been receiving that much attention before. I feel a mixture of guilt and pain gripped on my chest.

"I don't know too, Hilda, but it's okay! I'm fine. Don't worry and stop being concerned about me. Save yourself, you and Luisa, okay? I don't want our Boss will get mad at you just because of me. As of now, I can still manage her attitude." I answered and tried to convince myself too. I forced a smile on her and took the tray back, and it was a bit heavy.

I was currently wiping the table when a customer called me. "Miss, can I have cold water, please?" I nodded and obeyed to get them a pitcher of cold water.

In a tray I held, I carried the water and glasses they needed. I was putting them one by one on the table when a fancy car that parks outside caught my sight. I think it was from there in the building in front of us, which Montenegro owns.

But my eyes were fixed on the woman who got down that passenger seat, my long-lost friend, Nikki. When I saw her, I wanted to belittle myself. She's very different now, and there is no trace of simplicity anymore. Her long white thighs are noticeable from her red dress. A black clutch bag and high heels evenly matched it. Both of her diamond earrings were shining, which grabs the attention of everyone. Almost all the men around were focused on her. They just stopped glaring at her when a man got out at the driver's seat. Unconsciously, I held at my swollen belly. When their eyes met, you can notice as if the world was spinning between the two of them alone. He gave her a warm smile that I used to have.

He's changed too. For the few months we haven't met, he has changed tremendously from his insanely good looks to his lofty status. My lips met again as the hidden resentment stung me. I felt that the pain in my chest increased when I saw them together. He snaked his arm on her tiny waist and whispered. The woman giggled, and she gently slapped her companion's arm. I smiled bitterly. Did he feel the same way before when I broke up with him? Did you feel like you are destined for pain while they are happy in their lives? And I was failing miserably. It's all my fault why I ended up in this situation.

A sorrowful tear escaped from my eyes. I heard my Boss calling me, but I seemed destined to watch my old best friend and beloved man. And why do I still love him until now? It's unfair because even though he hurt me the first time, I still always loved him. It's so unfair because he chose my friend more than me, whom he loved first. It's so unfair that I didn't get up right away when I fell. It's really unfair!

The two of them didn't notice me, and, at the same time, they entered inside the building which Ryan owned. I smiled bitterly as another version of tears escaped. I silently wiped it and went back to the counter. My hands were trembly shaking in the middle of the noise of the people who were eating. Then at my side, my Boss glared at me angrily, but I just ignored her meaningful stares. And if she saw me looking at them being sweet together, I didn't care anymore. My feelings were naturally numb to the hurtful accusation she said to me. I no longer have time to pay attention to her words. Should I still understand her? She can say whatever she wants. I must be used to it already. 

"What are you looking at? Are you envious or insecure of the view just by now? Maybe you're jealous, and maybe you're a rebellious daughter. That's why you became like that. There's no man who would like you, so stop dreaming." she said and smirked at me at the same time. Some of my co-workers were silent when they heard what our Boss said. I know they felt sorry for me. I feel like my face is burning because of embarrassment, and my tears flowed again. Here it is again. I said I must be numb. But there is still a chance that my pain barrier is still thin towards her words. But I also feel that this is not yet the last pain I will suffer.