Aethan

Awning was only three days from the capital by sea, and located just before the narrow belt of land that separates the North from the South. The expanse to the West was a desolate place, full of craters and steaming rocks that at times were sent a hundred feet into the air.

Few animals still lived in this terrain, and very little grew.

It was fabled that on these plains two of the greatest Magi from the North and South fought, beginning the five century war.

In our history books it was said that the North and South were of the same house of Gracians once, but one of the brothers, Hassan, succumbed to lust and forced himself on his sister who was promised to the Warden of the South, Gregor. He was banished by King Rikard, but his son Werosi was still born. It was his daughter that assumed the throne after him, since King Rikard died without an heir. It was she that recognized the South as a country of its own and negotiated for a treaty of neutrality. Hers was a monarchy I had read and studied all my life at Virax's and Lumen's recommendation.

I missed them. My instructors who had betrayed me were still better than my father who has hated me all my life. And I could hold no malice against them for their actions.

"You are quiet, my lady," Prucia drew me out of my deep thought.

Gently I returned the pressure of her fingers in mine and smiled, "It’s nothing."

"Is it about your sister?"

Ice flooded my veins, "What?" I was so loud when I spoke that Prucia flinched. Had she figured out that coming to Awning was about finding Aella? Did she have any information? What did she mean?

“I only wondered if perhaps you were thinking of her in childhood…”

I frowned. Of course. Prucia and Mari nor anyone else really knew I was actually seeking after Aella. "Oh of course. I can't seem to stop thinking of my sister." That appeared to be enough to silence Prucia.

I turned the anchor I had received from Aella over and under with my fingers. All night I had considered how to find her and had a few leads in my head. Anchors meant more than harbors and shipyards, they meant safe places to settle down. I raked my memories to think of all the places Aella might've felt safe in Awning.

Truthfully we had hardly ever spoken of Awning, although it did come up in a few conversations.

I remembered the fire in her every time she spoke of the first conscripts from the village. And the fact that Awning was now a town full of fatherless boys and girls struggling to make ends meet.

I tried to think about what Aella would do for the people of Awning now that she was among them. Where would she be?

I made a safe choice in going towards a children's home. After all she had gone to a children's home back in Readris.

We caused quite the stir in Awning, peasants and fishermen alike lined the docks and bowed stiffly when I passed by and I kept having to gesture for them to rise. These people would starve today if they continued to allow me to distract them from plying their trades.

Still. It wasn't every day they saw a member of the royal family. It made me feel ashamed that I had not even prepared to address them.

Was this what it was like, Aella? Knowing inside yourself a duty that you were at times so sure you didn't know how to perform? How many lives did you constantly carry on your crown?

We came upon one of the homes I had found on Captain Beric's map and slowed to a halt. "Adept Gregio, kindly secure the location if you will, and inform the Mistress of the house that I wish to speak to her.” I was pushing it, I knew, but I wanted to see the extent of power I had with Gregio. Mirax would not want him challenging me in public surely, so Gregio must have limits. I needed to find out exactly where a line was drawn.

I was half-surprised when he stepped out from behind me and gestured forth two other guards and a sailor, and they went into the house. Meanwhile I took the time to take in my surroundings and the people who were still following me.

It was plain to see that this place had been ravished before by the army of Yarkia. Everywhere there was evidence of reconstruction, a torn down wall and a pile of rubble. Bloodstains at random places and scorch marks from the trebuchets the South used all the way from the harbor or from the land bridge. Their siege weapons always placed them at a considerable advantage so that I’d often heard Mirax fret.

“My Lady, the building is safe.” The men reported when they returned. Gregio didn’t even make eye contact.

“Vivolir.” Thank you.

Inside the stone formation the first thing that drew my eyes were cracked veins that travelled from floor to ceiling. The high ceiling of that reception area was filled with cobwebs that could’ve been there for years, and filled with dust and dried insect carcasses. The visual reminded me of my father, the spider of my homeland that sucked everything dry. I shuddered, suddenly feeling watched.

“Your royal highness,” A cracked voice sounded at my left side from a dark corner I had not even noticed. The yeldi, or sister of the faith, sounded like a frog, but her face was kindly and she wore robes of pure white. “It is an honour to host your radiance under our humble roof.” The words sounded hollow.

“Yeldi, I am happy I could come,” I started off, first inquiring over the welfare of those in her care. It would not do to inquire after a stranger right away, and I was genuinely interested in knowing how they were faring. “How many orphan homes are there in Awning?”

The woman frowned, as if I had asked a ridiculous question. “Almost all homes have become orphan homes, your grace. Many fathers that died in the war left behind four or five young ones to feed. And when Yarkia broke through, they filled countless Gracian bellies with bastard children. Awning is the city of orphans.”

I can see why Aella would come here. But where was she? Would she show herself to me?

I eventually left the yeldi with a purse of gold that could keep her establishment open for a year, and with a heavier heart than I had felt since leaving my home in Gorma. Prucia and Mari linked my arms with theirs as we went along the streets visiting more homes.

Sometimes we met with older children, matrons, vendors – all with more than a dozen orphans in a small home.

Prucia shared out smiles, while I sent Mari with a soldier back to the ship to fetch provisions and more gold. Nothing we could do here could erase the suffering these people had experienced.

The faces here were gaunt, desperate and hungry for something even more than food.

The children were somber, quiet, and very few of them played with each other even when they were woefully unoccupied. They were not quick to trust or to smiles but who could blame them? Who was I to finally appear after all their troubles with promises from the crown? The crown that had ordered their fathers to leave their home and to die fighting in a war?

I recognized the tugging at my heart as guilt and shame. I saw in their gazes that they were not afraid to look at me. That their eyes roved over me full of accusation and anger. Where had I been when their fathers died and their mothers and sisters were raped?

My father had withdrawn the bulk of the Northern forces to the forts along the highly defensible stone ridge twenty leagues away from Awning, and had left the city to fend for itself. When the Southern army was satisfied with killing, raping and pillaging, they left, tired of our snow and longing for the warmth of home.

For my father I could see how that was preferred, but for the people living the nightmare Awning had become, it was inexcusable.

I gave them what I could now, knowing it could never be enough. Seeing all that I had today had made me finally have something to say. I didn’t feel pressured to speak, I wanted to.

“I’ve come here crying for my homeland,” I started, knowing that my words would be heard by the people the moment they realised that I had begun to speak. “It’s not the place I thought it was.” I say it half in apology and half in anger.

“I have not seen half of your pains, I have not walked your streets nearly enough, I’ve not lived in your homes nor faced the horrors when the crown failed you. This war had gone on long enough… and for what? For power or gold or land whatever it was we had long forgotten? But I promise you that just as you won’t forget, I will never forget your pain and the suffering I see here today. If there is anything you would ask of me, anything in my power, ask it. Because my time in the home that has caused my sadness is about to come to an end, and I am going away to the very place that has done you great harm.”

I turned facing the crowd, seeing their faces and reading the mixed responses. Some in distrust, some in approval and others indecisive. I couldn’t blame them.

“Who best stood in your defense when I failed you?” I took the blame because I knew the responsibility flowed in my family’s veins. I knew that they blame me too.

This time the crowd responded, I felt their attention turn away from me, eyes searching until they fell upon a woman who sat at a stall in the open marketplace. Her hair was greyed and her face wore the sternest expression I’d ever seen on a woman’s face. She looked as if she’d seen in excess of sixty winters and each had frozen a new part of her scowl into permanence.

The villagers began to call out her name when she stayed still, sitting in her place resolutely.

“Liliann… Liliann,” they called, insistent that she acknowledge it.

The woman never did, sitting there quietly. At her age I wondered what it was that she had done to make the people love her so evidently.

“Ma’Inire Liliann,” I went to the woman, slowly approaching her. I felt Gregio’s presence before I saw him enter my field of vision to my right side. He appeared defensive and I put out a tactful hand as if for balance but really meaning to wave away his defensiveness. “Gigi Vivolir Ma’Inire.” I bowed to the old woman deeply, doing so in the style of a man. Doing so for the King who was not here.

Liliann finally thawed, lifting her hands emphatically for everyone to rise. For when the crown bowed, so did the people. I could tell that the attention had embarrassed her.

“Might we talk privately Ma’Inire?”

The woman bowed in return then opened a mouth that was missing several teeth. Her voice was strong when she said, “Certainly, your grace.”

Liliann never used female styling during our conversation, but as an older woman she could get away with it, not that I suspected she cared much.

Back in her home, a simple log cottage with three rooms in total, she told me many things of the rebuilding in Awning and the orphans, before finally the conversation turned to the war.

“My husband was among the first conscripts from when the fighting resumed a decade ago,” She said, eyes like a candle. “He was already sixty winters and could hardly hold a pike when the brutes came to us and said his battle experience was needed.

“And I stayed behind, I tended to the wounded and those who were sick in the city. Many were burnt, came missing an arm or a leg, or with most of their guts in their open palms. I learned to distinguish the skill of each enemy soldier and the weapon they used just by watching the man they had sent to me.

“The man who killed my husband was a battle lion, trained in the sword but also carrying a spear instead of a shield. He bled my husband with jabs of his spear before cutting off his head.” I winced but Liliann continued, “And the year after that they took my firstborn son. He died from a chain wrapped around his neck from a barrai boxer. And last year my last son was run down by a horseman during the attack, whether ours or theirs I don’t know. And I suppose it hardly matters now.” Liliann's voice made it clear what she thought of the fighting. The war had taken everything from her. Nothing in the world was worth fighting for anymore now that she had lost her family.

Mari had returned and she and her sister had been continuing the sharing of provisions but they came now, joining my guards.

I cleared my throat, trying to gather my wits to respond. The woman was very direct, almost rude. But I understood. She had little to live for now, she might as well say what needed to be said. I admired her spirit and wished to be infused with some of her boldness. “Ma’Inire, I’m sorry for your losses.”

“Hang the losses,” She insisted fiercely, “Look me into the eyes your grace and promise me that it will never happen again. That you will personally do whatever it takes to make sure it doesn’t.” She had reached out and taken hold of me in a grip that was almost violent.

I waved away my guards without a second thought, focusing on the woman’s fervent brown gaze. She had not feared death when she addressed me so, her eyes searched mine for something I did not know what.

But I said, “I promise you Ma’Inire Liliann. I will never let this happen again.”

Whatever she had been looking for she had apparently found because she let go of my arm. “Then I have something for you your grace,” And she leaned in so close I could feel her breath on my skin, “From your sister.”

My eyes widened in alarm and I shot her a glance then that I was sure communicated as loudly as if I had shouted, ‘Where’s my sister?’

She patted my hand slightly and got up, rummaging around the many vials and rustling through many a dry leaves from her medicine pouches. She muttered to herself and ignored my companions who were now impatiently touching a few of her things and reading notes on her wall.

“Ma’Inire,” I started to say and she cast me a distracted glance.

“Yes, yes,” She muttered.

“Can you tell me where…” I let my words trail off, hoping she understood my question.

“I’m only a messenger your grace, and a poor one at that.”

“I have gold,” I hissed in returned and she looked affronted. I hurried to mend her feelings, “I’m sorry Ma’Inire but I’m desperate to find… her.”

She looked behind me to my companions to ensure they weren’t listening when she said, “You know… the dress suits you.” She dropped a wink and pressed a wrapped little parcel into my hands. “She told me nothing except that I was to give you this, your grace. But I hope the faith is still strong with you at least. As for me, it’s left me. Hopefully that means there is more for everyone else.”

I looked down at the parcel and tried to think of my sister being here, in this very spot perhaps. So close. Where was she now? What did she mean by leaving me behind this way?

I thanked Liliann. But for all I knew, the faith had abandoned me too. I know Aella had.