Lewis was stunned at what he heard.

As if knowing Nyle was Hervy's boyfriend is not surprising enough, Hervy decided to drop the bomb suddenly. Nyle's dead.

Now he understands why Hervy is a little distant.

It also made sense why Hervy was drunk the first time he saw him. Most of all, this explains why Hervy is awake all night and asleep during the day. The poor guy is clearly going through something rough.

Hervy signaled for him to get up and follow him. 

"This way," said Hervy.

They went to a small room which appeared to be his study room or office.

Lewis could smell dust when they entered. It seems like the room has not been used for a long time.

Lewis turned around and took a good look at the room.

Shelves were situated at each wall of the room. The table was located in the middle, with Hervy's desk nameplate. He could see three more picture frames, one with Hervy's photo in it.

The other had Nyle's, while the last one had a photo of them together.

Lewis shifted his attention back to Hervy. He was busy checking the table and the shelves. He's looking for something.

Hervy faced Lewis when he finally found what he was looking for.

"Here you go," Hervy said as he handed some books to Lewis.

Flicker

Mirrors

Seeing Blind

These were some of the books written by Nyle Hannigan.

Lewis looked at Hervy, then looked down at the books, then back at Hervy again. He was waiting for Hervy to say something.

A few more minutes passed, and Hervy was still quiet. He decided to break the silence.

"I hate to ask this, Hervy, but what happened to Nyle?" Lewis asked cautiously. 

He didn't want to push any more buttons to make Hervy feel worse. The poor guy–'s already depressed and gets more so when Nyle's name gets mentioned.

Hervy shrugged the question off. He just stared at Lewis.

Lewis didn't want to be a headache, but he knew he had to do something to get Hervy out of his shell.

He held Hervy's hands and looked him straight in the eyes.

"The first time we met at the park, I knew you were dealing with something. That's the reason I kept asking you why."

"You carry a lot, Hervy. I can see it in your eyes. You can tell me I'm wrong, but your eyes always betray you," he added.

Hervy looked at Nyle's books.

"One year ago, the author of this book, Nyle, died," he answered.

He held Flicker up, breathing heavily.

"He had a health condition he told no one about, not even me."

"He was on hiatus for almost two years because he said he had a writer's block. It was not the case. His doctor told us he advised Nyle to take a rest. We told him none of us knew about it." Hervy's voice is starting to get shaky.

"He was here first, the night he died."

"We were sitting there by the lounge. Both of us were happy because finally, Nyle was back, and he was finally writing again. Then he said his farewells. He even told me some cryptic things before he left. I was too happy to even bother asking what he meant. I should have known back then."

"Then they found him by the door of his apartment, lying on the ground, barely breathing. They tried to bring him to the hospital, but he didn't make it there alive."

"He died on the way," Hervy continued.

"I feel like I failed him, big time - as a friend and as a lover."

"I should have insisted that he spend the night with me in the apartment. I could have saved him. I could have brought him to the hospital."

"He should still be alive right now. "

"This is all my fault," Hervy added.

Lewis saw the guilt in Hervy's face. 

***

Hervy didn't want to be in this position, telling someone about his struggles. 

His issues. 

His demons.

He felt bare as he told Lewis everything he kept inside his heart for the longest time.

He could feel his eyes getting wet.

His vision was blurring, and this time, he couldn't stop it.

Lewis just stared at him. "Let it all out. I know you've been keeping it for too long."

Every single emotion Hervy thought he had long forgotten quickly came back to him like a wildfire, spreading rapidly on dry grassland. He hid the feelings all this time but did not wholly overlook them.

He can't stop crying.

Hervy felt Lewis patting him gently on the back.

"I've been driving people away because I feel I am a failure. I was not good enough for someone, so I thought I would never be good enough for anyone." Hervy said again.

"Every time I try to write, I can't help but think about what happened."

"I keep playing the same thing in my mind over and over again. It's overwhelming." Hervy said, barely understandable.

Lewis can't stand the sight of Hervy crying.

He gathered all his courage and moved closer to Hervy, wrapping him around his arms.

"Nyle won't be too pleased if he sees you like this, Hervy. It's no one's fault that he's gone. You can't blame him for not telling you, and you can't blame yourself for not being able to save him," Lewis said as he hugged him tightly.

Hervy, who hasn't felt anyone's embrace in a long time since Nyle, held on to Lewis and hugged him tightly as well.

He planted his face between Lewis's chest and continued crying.

Lewis continued patting Hervy as he slowly sat them down.

***

Lewis didn't care if his clothes got wet. He wanted Hervy to feel better.

He continued caressing his hair and rubbing Hervy's back.

They remained in that position until Hervy finally stopped crying.

"I... I'm sorry, Lewis. I didn't mean to relieve my burden on you." Hervy said while looking at Lewis's chest, all wet because of his tears.

"Look at the mess I did to your clothes," he added.

"It's okay, Hervy – no harm done." Lewis smiled. He then took his shirt off.

"You don't look tidy either." He pointed at Hervy's clothes.

Hervy's shirt was wet as well. He got up and signaled Lewis to follow him.

They got out of the study and went to the house's second floor, where Hervy's room was.

Lewis followed Hervy so that they could change their clothes.

Hervy had a bigger body frame than Lewis. None of his clothes was a good fit for him. Hervy's not a tank top kind-of-person. Most of his clothes were pullovers of all colors, some oversized shirts, and a few pajamas. Hervy lent his smallest shirt, which was still a little big for Lewis.

"Feeling better now?" Lewis asked.

"Yes, much better," Hervy smiled back at him. His eyes are still puffy from crying earlier.

Lewis had to agree with what Hervy said. He looked much better now. He can see that his eyes are smiling as well. Lewis felt happy for Hervy.

Hervy's smile was such a sight to see, and Lewis didn't want it to go to waste.

Lewis hoped that one day all of Hervy's trouble would be gone, forever, so Hervy wouldn't ever forget how to smile again.

Hervy noticed that Lewis was staring at him.

"Is there something on my face?" he asked out of curiosity.

"Yes, your face," Lewis answered.

"Silly," Hervy laughed. He subconsciously reached out for Lewis's hair and ruffled it.

Lewis was surprised at the sudden gesture, but he did not protest. He's used to having his hair messed up. He could feel his face getting warm.

Hervy realized what he did and almost instantly took his hand off Lewis's hair.

"Let's go down," Hervy said. He took Lewis's hands, and they went downstairs.

***

"What a breath of fresh air," Hervy said to himself as he listened to Lewis talking.

They've been up all night talking about random stuff.

He enjoyed Lewis's company.

"How many hair styles would Hervy Styles style if Hervy Styles could style hair styles?" Lewis asked.

Lewis always says the silliest things, and now he's making fun of Hervy's name.

Hervy can't help but laugh at him. It was a good laugh, if he's being honest.

It's been forever since he last felt this. He missed this feeling.

This guy is such a natural. He didn't even have to make an effort to make him laugh. His little gestures, how he puckered his lips, and how he sassily rolled his eyes were enough to make him laugh.

Lewis didn't even need to talk.

As your sweet blue eyes crinkle

His smile shows off those big dimples

His long hair played along with the cold wind

Silently wishing you're more than just a friend.

Hervy found himself saying these words as he looked at Lewis. He quickly took a pen and paper under the small table between him and Lewis and wrote it down.

He had to, or else he'd forget it.

***

Zayd woke up to the sound of the alarm coming from his wristwatch. It's the alarm that always goes off every 12 MN.

"Stupid watch," he whispered.

Now that it dawned on him that it was already midnight, he looked around to find the whole place was still the same.

Lewis.

He quickly got up and checked if Lewis was back already. He went to his room; Lewis was not there.

Maybe he's still with Hervy.

He turned off the lights and went back to the couch. Now he's starting to regret sending Lewis after that curly-haired guy.

He lied down again and closed his eyes. He forced himself to sleep.

***

Lewis is having the time of his life. 

Hervy's been laughing all night with him. He's seeing the side of Hervy that he didn't get to see always. He who carried so much was finally able to laugh his heart out.

Lewis felt lucky to be sharing this moment with him. He didn't want the night to end. 

He just wanted to be with Hervy.

Always.

Lewis's thoughts got interrupted by the sudden noise coming from his phone. It was his 12MN alarm.

Hervy was writing something in a small notebook when he heard the alarm and asked him what's the alarm for.

"Nothing, in particular, just a little reminder that it's midnight already," Lewis answered. "I think I'm kind of overstaying, Hervy.", he added.

He leaned closer to Hervy and whispered.

"I would love to stay a little longer, but Cinderella's got to go," Lewis said again.

Hervy chuckled.

He ruffled Lewis's hair.

"Okay, Cinderella, it was a great night. Thanks for everything," Hervy said in return.

Lewis realized he was still wearing Hervy's clothes. He looked at him and said, "I'll change clothes."

Hervy shook his head.

"No, you can keep it for now," he said.

Lewis just nodded, "Okay then." 

"Will I ever see you again?" he asked.

"I'm sure we will," Hervy answered.

"We often run into each other anyway," he added.

"And in case you want to see me, you know where to find me," he said as he winked at Lewis.

Lewis got up and slowly walked to the door. Hervy walked behind him.

"Careful on your way home," Hervy reminded Lewis with a concerned voice.

"I sure will," Lewis answered.

He turned around and looked at Hervy. For one moment, he stared at Hervy.

He took Hervy's hands and gently kissed them.

He could see Hervy was a little surprised by what he did. The guy just smiled and messed his hair up yet again.

"Off you go, Cinderella. Tick-tock. Your time is running out," Hervy laughed.

Lewis turned around and opened the door.

He looked at Hervy one last time, waved goodbye, and went on his way home. He smiled as he walked in the dark, cold morning.

***

Zayd tried, but he still couldn't get his eyes to close and himself to sleep. 

Every time he does, he sees Lewis's face. He sees his face and Hervy's together.

He wanted to have snuggled next to Lewis, just like the old times.

"I want you here with me like as I saw it, so I don't have to keep imagining," he thought. "Is it too much to hope for something beautiful?"

He repeated these words in his head until he finally felt sleepy again.

With eyes heavy, and heavy heart, he allowed the darkness to whisk him away to oblivion.

***

Hervy just watched as Lewis disappeared. When he was sure that Lewis was no longer in sight, he closed the door and went back inside.

He sat on the couch where he left his small notebook. He read the four-liner that he wrote earlier.

He then turned his gaze to the picture of him and Nyle. He reached for it and talked to it as if it was a natural, living person.

"Hey Nyle, my angel. I know you hated when I called you that, but how have you been?"

"It's been a long time, my love. I'm doing better now. See, I know you know I've been a wreck since you've been gone. And I know that you know, I've been trying my best to get a good grip."

This was the first time he did this. He didn't dare to face up to the fact that Nyle was not returning.

"Teach me how to move on. I am in a state where I don't know what to think or to feel anymore."

"I know you're gone, but sometimes I still tell myself you're not gone, that you can't be gone."

"How about our plans? The things we were still gonna do?"

"The books we were going to write together?"

Hervy can feel his eyes getting wet again, his visions getting fuzzy.

"I am sorry I have been weak."

"Every day, I wake up to only half a blue sky, faking what I felt with only half a smile."

"I doubt I will ever be able to love another person again. "

"I doubt I will ever love someone as much as I loved you. "

"I doubt someone will be able to love me as much as you did."

"You were the single flicker of light that kept me going, and without you around, I doubt I would ever be okay."

"Teach me how to face life with a smile. A smile that you always painted on my face."

"Teach me how to be happy, how to be kind, and how to love unconditionally again." "Help me fix this half of a heart that you left."

"All I ever want is to be with you again. That maybe this is just a dream, that perhaps all I need is a small hug from you, and I'll be fine, that I'll be awake."

"Above all this, I am happy that all your sufferings have finally ended—the pain, both physical and emotional."

"If God really exists, may He take you under his loving arms and heal all your wounds. I know that a sweetie like you deserves to be in heaven."

"I am just hoping I could shower you with kisses that night and give you all the love you deserve, by all means possible."

"Nyle, I know I'll be safe every day because you are beside me, always guarding me."

"I know heaven is still ages away from me, but I hope you will wait for the day we will be united again. "

"I love you, baby."

 "Always. Remember that."

Hervy's tears kept streaming down his cheeks.

This was everything he didn't say. 

He hugged their picture tightly as he cried. Finally, he was able to say everything he wanted to Nyle. He knew that he was still far from being okay, but he was relieved that he didn't have to carry all the guilt anymore.

He felt sleepy and exhausted with all the tears he cried.

He didn't bother getting up and decided to sleep on the couch instead.