ALEXA

It has been a week since I broke up with Lucas. It’s not because I don’t like him, no, we wouldn’t be together for 7 years if that was the case. The problem with Lucas is that he has been toxic in the past 6 months. I don’t know if he has a problem he can’t say or if this is just a phase. He changed everything I know about him suddenly. I thought that if we had time away from each other he can think of what was wrong recently. I don’t blame him if he is like that, I just want him to understand what are his differences and how I want to help him.

I went to his work at the nearby convenience store, truth be told, during that 1 week I never had any interaction with him. I walk by here at the convenience store but I can’t see him inside during his duty hours. Now, I’ll try to ask about him from his co-workers at the store.

“Hello, good afternoon, perhaps you can help me, ma’am.”

“Yes! What can I do for you miss.” the store leader replied with a wide smile across her face.

“This is about one of your employees. Is Lucas still around?”

The store leader’s wide smile changed to a big frown upon hearing Lucas’ name.

“What do you want with that big good for nothing and lazy employee of mine.”

I was surprised at how the store leader talks at Lucas like that. I heard Lucas talked about how his female supervisor is as toxic as hell. I can’t believe he managed to stay in this job for so long.

“Well, the thing is, that he hasn’t responded to a couple of my calls.” Lie

“I was just worried about what would happen to him. This is the last place I went looking for him.” Another lie.

The store leader let out a big sigh, then

“He hadn’t gone to work for the past week. I don’t know what happened to the guy. He knows that we were short on manpower but he kept on missing work. So if ever you find him. Please tell him to come here so we can process his termination document.” The store leader said, then left me to assist the customer inside.

What could happen to Lucas? I know we broke up, but knowing that he isn’t up to any good, then I can’t let that happen to him. Lucas tends to keep his problems to himself then won’t acquire help from others. Just like he did with me. Okay, I decided just this last time, I’ll look for him and tell him my piece of mind.

I talked to his few friends but none of them saw Lucas. He can’t also be reached by his phone. Even though his parents would be worried if I tried to ask them if Lucas had gone there. Upon hearing my news, Lucas’ mother reacted differently, she is worried sick, his father’s calm judgment instructed me where to look next. Lucas’ father asked me if I looked for him in his apartment, I said I haven’t gone there yet. I told his father I’d check on him, after that I would call him. Which made me realize…

What if Lucas was in his apartment all along. Knowing him, he is probably sitting in a corner or playing his video games again. Yeah, that is probably it. Maybe he knew what his mistakes are during this absence.

Is what I thought, but I also can’t help but be worried. Without having a second thought, I immediately went to his place.

***

Upon arriving at his apartment, I looked by the window. It was dark, he probably went out, is what I thought first, but I went to the places he would likely go. I knocked on the door, no response. Maybe he is sitting in a corner just like I thought he would.

I knocked again. Seconds have passed, still no response. I wouldn’t want to do this because we aren’t together anymore and I don’t want to invade his privacy but he left me no choice.

I pulled out the spare key of his apartment from my bag.

Sorry Lucas, this is the last time I will use your spare key.

I unlocked the door. Upon opening, a pungent smell came wafting through my nose. I reacted immediately.

“What the hell, Lucas!” I shouted.

I was late to realize but the room was dark. I can’t believe someone can live here under these conditions. I opened the lights in his living room. With the lights turned on the room was clean but the smell is somewhere close. Now, my worry became much worse. There was another room which I haven’t checked, his bedroom. Upon opening the room the pungent smell that I got used to has gotten much stronger, it smells like someone had pissed and shitted here. I cringed when it wafted right through my nose.

"What the f*ck Lucas! Is this your revenge on me for breaking up with you?!”

I covered my nose with my handkerchief to prevent some of the smell and reached out to the light switch in the room. The next scene I saw, will probably scar me for life. Having seen something like that prevented me from reacting normally. The room was a mess and that is normal. What’s not normal is having seen Lucas in his bed with ruined sheets and he was not moving. Judging from the smell, I was right, Lucas has shitted and pissed himself. It took me a while to react.

What if because of me Lucas committed suicide? How can I tell his parents that? Oh sh*t what do I do?!

Sorting out my thoughts, I heard some grunts to where Lucas was lying. I look closer at Lucas and realized how heavy his breathing is, and the grunt was like he wants to break free of something. Having seen signs of life from him, I quickly called an ambulance.

The ambulance came immediately and we got to the hospital fairly quicker than expected. During transportation, I called Lucas’ parents and told them what happened, his father answered immediately that they are coming.

At the hospital, we stayed for a while at the Emergency room, before we were transferred to a private room. His parents came right after they transferred Lucas.

His mother after witnessing his condition has broken down in tears while his father looks calm and composed but you can see that he is just holding back as to not add any more tension to his wife. After 30 minutes or so, a doctor came to Lucas’ room.

Without having to wait for the doctor’s advice, his mother started to ask questions.

“Doctor, please help my son, he is unconscious but looks like he is in so much pain.”

The doctor had a deep sigh. He looked at Lucas’ mother before looking at his father.

“Okay, I’m going to explain what is going on with your son, but I can’t help with things being like this. I want you to stay calm first ma’am.”

As the events unfold, I was just sitting in the corner of the room. I don’t know how to react as this is the first time for me. I can say that I was in shock.

“Okay… What your son experiencing right now is called Lucid dreaming.”

His parents were surprised at the sudden news. I too was in shock.

Was Lucas dreaming right now? No.. this doctor is probably a joke. I thought.

“Judging from how he looks, he must be in it for quite a while because of sleep paralysis.”

“Sleep paralysis?” I asked.

The doctor pointed at Lucas.

“See how he grunts? He seemed conscious but he isn’t. See, Lucid dreaming is a state where the dreamer can gain control of the dreams they are experiencing. Having said that, some of the people who entered this state don’t usually know they are dreaming and before they knew it they would panic and enters a sudden state called sleep paralysis. A person usually experiences sleep paralysis when they partially wake up in REM atonia or to the common tongue, a state in which the dreamer is partially paralyzed and cannot move their limbs. To add to that, when your son entered the sleep paralysis state he began to hallucinate. He doesn’t know what is real or not anymore so he tries to struggle just like he is now. Sometimes this hallucination can be frightening so, only your son knows what he is experiencing now.” the doctor explained.

Having heard the doctor’s explanation, both Lucas’ parents and I were both surprised. Then a question popped into my head.

“Doctor, can I ask what are the causes of this kind of dreaming?”

“In medical science, it is not yet determined how people can lucid dream but sleep paralysis does. Some studies said that stress is a big factor when sleep paralysis is involved,” he said.

He looked at Lucas's parents.

“However your son is the first to be in this state for this long, sleep paralysis episode only last for a couple of minutes. So it's up to your son to fight this episode and wake up. Right now, all we can do here is to check on him so he can get all the lost nutrients his body needs. Let's just all pray that after he wakes up the damage done can be cured.”

After the news, we got from the doctor. His mother broke down into tears again, his father on the other hand hadn’t spoken since the doctor came. He looks like he wants to sink in all the information and conversation that took place moments ago.

I looked at Lucas, then a sudden feeling of guilt took over me.

I did this to him… if not for me then he probably wouldn’t be in this state.

I just sat in the corner, trying to think of things I can do to help.