Our Tainted Hearts

Manhattan, New York, St. Jones Orphanage.

Dear Diary,

It's me again, Faith the very same girl who is not so special who tries to find happiness in small things. I like being alone but sometimes it feels I am shattering inside and all alone nobody can help me. This is a big dilemma when you're an introvert because I am and it sucks to have no friends and I don't blame anyone because I have never tried. So, life is pretty much boring except I still live in an orphanage for years. I like it here because this is the place that gives me shelter, food, and love which is enough for an orphan like me. But sometimes I wonder why didn't anyone adopted me because I wanted to know what it would feel like to have a family, siblings, and friends. Well, I don't blame anyone for not adopting me because I always behaved like a mute robot whenever anyone comes to see me and later they refuse. As you already know, I was young when I lost my father and later in an accident, I lost my mother. Having no relatives brought me here to live with other kids like me. But today I am happy and a little sad because I turned 18 today which means I am free from this place and ready to start a new life to face the world. I'll miss this place.

I rest the pen down on the desk and closed my journal trying not to cry. I have poured all my heart out in this journal. I am not weak, I am a fighter and I can do this.

" Don't cry! Don't cry! Faith..", I mumbled trying to hold back the tears which have already welled up in my eyes and I hate being like this vulnerable and weak.

But it didn't help much, the tears have already made their way to my cheeks. The truth is I am scared to face this world, I don't know what to expect. A part of me is excited like a baby the curiosity to meet new people and to explore. But also scared what if I won't able to make friends instead I'll make enemies which won't be good. I just don't know...

Clutching the picture of my parents close to my heart I sobbed missing them terribly, I wish they have been here to guide me. I needed them today but they're not here to support me. That's what makes my heart deserted and tainted.

"I never thought my life would be like this. I had dreams, I wanted to make my parents proud of me but now there is no one to praise me on my achievements. I am here all left alone..", I sighed

The only thing about is that today I am leaving for Virginia because I have been offered a full-year scholarship there and it will be a great start for me. I got their mail yesterday and I am happy about it. But I kind of not feeling it though.

" Faith it's time to say your goodbye", A familiar voice said

I shook my head and turn to face Sister Edna's with tears in my eyes. Her face was blurry as she joins me on the bed and rests her hand over my shoulder. I just embraced her tightly trying to shake this vulnerability out of me.

"I know, my child it's hard but you have to keep moving forward and embrace life. It's your birthday, the day your mother, had you. She must be so happy and you should be too. Your mother loves you, Faith and she lives in your heart. She wanted you to be happy on this day not sad. Try to make most of it and don't cry or she won't be happy. ", She calmly said.

She runs her hand through my hair to calm me down. I feel light and relaxed against her. She reminds me of my mother. Because of her, I have survived this far. I am grateful to God that I have her in my life. She always tries to make me feel wanted and loved. Without a word, I hug her even more tightly because I am going to miss her a lot.

" The world outside will push you down and try to tear you apart but always keep in mind that you're strong enough to fight and face all the obstacles coming in your way. Don't forget that you have gone through worse. You are my strong brave girl. ", She tells me proudly with a smile on her lips.

She rubs my back as if trying to encourage me. She's right about one thing that I am strong and I can do this. I pull away reluctantly as she wipes off tears and presses down a kiss on my forehead.

" I love you, Faith. Go get your dreams and Nobody can stop you.", She smiles warmly encouraging me.

She offers me a bright smile and I smiled in return.

"Happy Birthday, Faith. May God bless you with happiness", she blessed me

She takes my hand and places a shabby chic box in them which confused me.

" Your goodbye gift and Birthday's too", She told

I noticed there is a childhood picture of me on the top of it which made me even more eager to open this box.

"This is so beautiful ", I exclaimed feeling curious about it.

"I know, I made this box for my favorite girl", she winked

I smile and pull up the lid in anticipation. My eyes go wide as I find an alluring locker inside it. I pick it up delicately and admired it's the sleek design. It seems costly. It has a moonstone in the center implanted and an antique stunning design around the circle.

" It is really beautiful, Sister but it seems costly", I confessed my concerns with her.

"I know my child. It is a gift from your mother. She wanted to have you this on your 18th birthday.", She told me

I tilt my face up in surprise and wait for her patiently to complete. I can't understand why didn't she give me it before.

" Well, let me explain why I didn't give you before", She sighed

I nod trusting her.

"Let me tell you about that day when I met you for the first time", She paused taking my hand in hers.

" I was out for a charity ball that day it was about that time when I was returning to St. Jones. As far as I remember, it was a dark stormy night. I didn't see how it happened but I stopped my car quickly as soon as I spotted you in the middle of the road crying out for help. I know you remember it too but it would be hazy by now. I climb out of the car quickly and run towards you. Your clothes we're drenched in blood but you didn't care at all you just wanted me to save your mother at all cost and I did. I called 911 and they took your mother to the hospital. Your mother's condition was critical and you were the only one who makes out alive. I was the last person to meet your mom in her last time. She wanted to see you but couldn't due to your crucial condition then she gives me this locket. ", She takes a long breath trying to stay strong.

Tears flowed out of my eyes as I recalled that day when I lost my mother and my whole world. With a shattered voice, I just asked one thing.

" What did she say?", I asked trying to get closer to my mother everything is blurry I barely remember anything about that day.

Sister Edna squeezes my hand to give me strength.

"Your mother asked me to give you this locket on your 18th birthday and I am just fulfilling her wish." She smiled

"One more thing, she said Faith is my hope it doesn't matter if I am not there to watch her grow but I just know that she will make me proud and I live in her heart always whenever she needs me", She gives my hand a light squeeze again.

I clutched the token of my mother's love close to my heart and feel good. This is the last thing that connects me with her.

" Thank you, Sister. I promise I'll make her proud of me.", I said determinedly.

"I have my faith in you, my child", She told me almost proudly.

" Enough of this, Faith. Let's go downstairs everyone is waiting for you eagerly, shall we?", She asked and I nod smiling widely.

I nod as I quickly slip the locket down to my neck and presses it to my lips. I feel closer to my mother by just having this locker with me. I'll keep it till my death.

"I love you, mom", I murmured

" Faith?", Sister Edna yells out my name.

" I am coming", I shout back.

I watch Sister Edna's leaving the room but I halted glancing back at my room, my bed, and the surroundings to everything present in the room. I am going to miss this place even if I don't have to but I'll. This place gives me an important lesson in my life and it'll come handy in the future.

Sighing, I drag my suitcases and bags out of the room and reached downstairs only to find everyone cheering out for me wildly.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FAITH. WE LOVE YOU"

"Thank You", I smile warmly and feel grateful to them.

They all seem so happy and excited for me. Sadly, I have to leave them. Suddenly, someone pulls the hem of my dress as if seeking my attention.

" Are you going to leave me?", Emily asked

Emily is barely five years old girl who has lost her parents in an accident like me. She is pretty, intelligent, and smart comparing to the kids of her age.

I kneel and notice her cute eyes have tears in them which ached my heart. Her eyes are red as if crying for a long time. Quickly, I wipe her tears and kisses her cheeks. She is like my little sister. When she came here, she was just 2 years old. She filled my life with happiness. I am going to miss her. I wish I didn't have to leave her.

"Hey hero, look at me", I tilt her chin up so she can look at me.

" You have a bright future, my hero. You're strong comparing to me. I love you but I have to leave and I am going to miss you. Do you still remember, what did I tell you?", I asked her smiling

She thinks and soon her eyes brighten as she answers.

"You told me that everyone has to solve their problems on their own. They should be independent so they can be strong enough to fight. All you need to independent and live your life on your terms.", She exclaimed with joy

I caress her cheek feeling so proud and kisses down her forehead. I engulfed her tiny body into my arms and patted her back.

" I'll miss you and I promise, I'll visit you soon", I smiled

"Pinky promise", She asked adorably

I accepted smiling, " Pinky Promise ".

We grin as we both rest our forehead against each other.

" And one more thing, you'll find home and they will adore you more than me", I told her feeling hopeful about her future.

"Really? Will they buy me dolls?", she asked adorably.

Her eyes cheer up with excitement.

" Yeah, they will definitely", I laughed at her innocence.

"I love you so much, Faith. ", she squealed

" I love you too.", I pinched her cheeks.

"Emily!", Sister Edna's called her name.

But Emily refused to leave me. She can be very stubborn.

" I won't leave you, Faith, because if I did you'll be gone", She said which made me sad.

I sighed not knowing how to make her understand that I must leave. My heart is breaking apart, she makes me remind of myself. Sister Edna lifts Emily in her arms, she fights back trying to free herself.

"Let me go, I want to up with Faith. please!", she fights back

I reached out to touch her but Sister stopped me. I pull my hand back.

" Emily, I bought you a gift", Sister tried to lure her and this kid easily get attracted forgetting about me.

"A gift?", she stopped struggling

Her eyes lit up and I smiled at her innocent behavior.

" Yeah, Go grab it before anyone steals it from your bed", she told her as she slowly crouched her down and Emily quickly run upstairs completely forgetting about me.

"Thank you, Sister", I said

She nods. I know why she did it because Emily can be stubborn.

" It's time for the cake cutting ceremony. Shall we?" She asked

I nod as everyone sets down the red velvet cake on the table with lightning candles. I blow them off making a wish.

"I wish I'll find love and friends", I murmured as I cut the cake.

" HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU "

Everyone yells out while clapping cheerfully.

I remain silent as I slowly cut the cake and feed Sister Edna's first. She feeds me so everyone does and gives me presents. I hugged everyone for the last time before I leave.

"Your cab is waiting", Sister Edna's told me

I embraced her tightly.

" I'll miss you, Sister", I sighed

"I'll to my child", She patted my back.

The maid already has put my bags in the trunk of the car. I bid my goodbye to her and everyone. I close my eyes trying to savor good memories in my heart for the last time before stepping into my new life. Sighing, I make way towards the cab. Sister gives me a bright smile as I hop inside the car. I hold back my tears and waves goodbye to her. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for this new chapter of my life. The university is far away so I just close my eyes and lean against the seat completely forgetting all about everything. I am ready for upcoming challenges.

9 hours later...

Evening, at 6 pm.

I feel like I've crawled from a deep sleep, I decided to peek outside and the corner of my eyes notice the glimpse of the University as the car slowly moves around the campus. I didn't feel anything at all neither excitement, not nervousness. I sigh as the car stopped in front of the dorm building leaving the campus behind.

" So, my new life begins here.", I sighed

I clutch the locket in my hands as I hop outside.

" Please be with me, Mom", I pleaded. I paid the driver and he pulled out my bags and suitcase from the trunk. Slowly I started approaching the building sighing deeply. I stood in front of the entrance of the dorm, it makes me nervous all of sudden.

"I can do this", I boosted myself.

Just as I approached the stairs of the entrance from the nowhere a boy barrels into me. The impact was that hard which knocked me down on the ground and my bags fly out in another direction and my suitcase slips out of my grip.

" What the...", I trailed off trying to know what just happened

I raise my head to look at the person who just knocked me down. I stare up at a handsome guy who has mesmerizing pair of sea-green emerald eyes. His intense gaze locks with mine as if trying to tear my soul apart.

"Jerk", I yell, it doesn't matter how appealing he is looking. He is a jerk. I shoot him deathly glares as my eyes can't stop themselves from drowning into his green orbs and also can't stop staring at his perfect shaped body. He is wearing a black leather jacket with a black t-shirt with jeans and leather boots. He seems trouble to me that kind of trouble in which I shouldn't get tangled myself in. I shook my head trying to stay focused.

I get up on my own and dust off my dress. The thing which annoyed the most is him who didn't even bother to help me out and just watching me. He didn't have a bit decency to apologize. I feel enraged anger is boiling inside of me. So, I couldn't help it but approach him.

" Are you blind? You just knocked me down and acting like it was nothing.", I outcry loudly while he just keeps staring at me with a disinterested look on his face almost like I am just wasting his time.

He seems bored, my words didn't knock some sense in him at all.

"You know what, shorty? You need glasses, they will help you clear your vision so you won't fall. Don't you think?", He sighs

He shoots me a glare and my eyes just widened at him. He just brushes past me leaving me bewildered.

" WHAT THE F*UCK ", I shout

I never met a boy like him before so full of himself and asshole. Fuming with humiliation and anger, I turned and stride straight to him and blocked his path while crossing my arms with animosity.

"Hey, Shorty. No time for kisses. Out of my way, you're blocking it.", He demands proudly.

I feel like I can't tolerate this guy anymore. This is out of line. He can't get away this easily. The next my hand smacked his cheek hard. He was flabbergast as his eyes widened at me as if I have committed a crime.

He glares at me silently but I ignored and walk past him leaving him behind even though I can feel his intense gaze piercing my back.

"He deserved it, I am not some weak girl whom he can push around.", I mumbled

To Be Continued...