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DAVID

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WHY DO WE dream so big?

For a human being, with not so many liberties of being able to impetuously get everything he wants in this exorbitant world of greed, dreams are only used to manifest a grand purpose in life. It is just something that gives meaning to us so that we won't stop hoping for the future. Dreams... can be sometimes addictively consuming when it becomes an obsession.

I grew up, living a life that does not give me the reason to dream too much of materialistic desires. I used to think that it was meaningless because I used to have anything I'd wanted when I was young. Clothes, fame, love, attention... These things were so trivial from the world where I used to grow up. The unconventional reality of the life that my parents had shown me, living with them until two years ago, led me to think that my life is what I could have actually considered bliss. And I didn't have to dream so much to attain all of the things I’d wanted to be mine. But I was wrong.

Until I met Colin... And I learned who I really am. Then I fell in love with him… So hard. And I've realized since then, that there is more than the dreams I used to think they were before.

“I love you…” I uttered these words like a promise, driven by insane bliss as I dove down into the deep sea of pleasure and overflowing devotion filled by my feelings and lust. Now, dreams became a similarity to having this feeling with him.

I soon heard Colin moaning over my kisses as he plunged deeper inside me and trembled in intense satisfaction. Colin... My hands ferociously moved on their own all over his body, seeking for more warmth… For more skin… For more of him. I was possessed.

“I love you…” I repeated the words again, like a chant. And I held onto anything I could touch; his arms, his chest, his shoulders… His lips. His face.

Dreams... what are them if I can have this?

Eventually, the two of us—unyieldingly conjoined into one—finally reached the unearthly peak of our desires. Like two puzzle pieces fitting together, our souls reunited so tightly. And I tightened my grasp on him, not ever wanting to let go. My heart, almost… slipped away for a second. And I only felt nothing else. Nothing else... but COLIN.

“David…” he uttered my name and the way it sounded was like pure blissful music to my ears. I then wrapped him into my arms, passionately sated by the feeling of being with him. In him. On him. As long as we’re together, I won’t ever feel lost.

He was my home.

“I wonder what it would be like for us… In the future.”

Colin's face was shadowed by the moonlight illuminating from the window of our room. He stared towards the ceiling, a lit cigarette on his lips. The calm breathing of our chests slowly put me to comfort as I thought about his words.

"What else?" I said, smirking as I imagine it, "You'll be the hot music icon and I'll be your beautiful muse, an insanely famous celebrity. We'll be one of the biggest couples in show business. Our legacy can't be overcome by anyone else. And we'll be legends."

It might sound too overdramatic...

But that is our dream now. Ever since I’ve come to accept what I really was, I've become an ambitious soul. Though we have never talked too much about the future, Colin and I already knew our goals. And for me, my dreams are not just ordinary anymore. I thought that if I was going to dream, I have to dream big. Selfishly. Enormously. And yes, it can be a little bit over the top, but I have always believed that nothing is impossible.

If other people can do it, why can't I? Why can't we?

Colin chuckled at my comical remark as he leaned down to plant a soft kiss on my forehead. “You think so much about it, huh?”

“’ Think’ as the operative word,” I responded, emphasizing his comment. And he was right. I always think about it. Our future.

“Five, six, seven years from now… I only have a life with you. And it will be an amazing future.” I added. And just thinking about that foreseeable future with him, I can’t help but grin with spilling happiness.

“I wish I could have your optimism though,” I heard Colin say this after a moment. I looked up and wondered what he meant by those words. But when I saw him with a serious expression drawn on his face, I knew that he was thinking about it too deeply. Watching him have that kind of gloom makes me wish I could actually read him like this. Sometimes, I really feel like Colin still has this big hole in his soul that even I could never fill in. And it will always give me this fear that one day he’ll just leave me without ever saying anything.

Feeling drawn to his sudden sentimentality, I hugged Colin tighter and moved closer to his chest.

“What’s troubling you?” I asked.

Colin took a long drag from his cigarette and I watched the smoke fill the air above us. “My dreams.”

Those simple words were only mere words. But hearing it from Colin’s mouth and him admitting his troubles to me made it meaningful somehow. He never was the type of person to be so open about his feelings at all. Even to me, Colin never really depended so much on talking about his own thoughts.

“You have me,” I reassured him, raising my head so that I could stare down to his face and said, “I will make your dreams come true.”

He laughed at my serious statement, one thing that made me smile tenderly. I knew he felt how genuine I was saying those words. And before I knew it, he pulled me down to him again and passionately kissed me.

“I’ll be your Rhea Perlman. You’ll be my Danny DeVito,” I said after he pulled away.

My reference somewhat made him laugh even more. “You do realize that they’ve already separated, right?”

I snorted and answered him with snotty confidence, “So what? They still love each other so much they’ve never even filed for divorce after that. And facing reality here, it can be our future too… But I don’t think we have to separate like they did. Even if it comes to that point.”

“I want to grow old with you,” he then whispered to me and his words made my heart flutter.

“Me too,” I murmured back, snuggling to him as he wrapped his free arm around me.

“I want to marry you in the future,” he confessed and the almost proposal statement made me feel so happy I didn’t even dare to reply. I knew he already knows what I was going to say to that. He mumbled another ‘I love you’ before his breathing becomes calmer, indicating that he had already fallen asleep.

But I still remained awake, playing his words over and over again in my head. I didn’t even realize that I had been smiling like a fool for a while now. I just wanted to keep the feeling of bliss overwhelm me and make me dream more about the future.

As happy tears flooded my eyes, I whispered a promise to the sleeping Colin with earnest devotion.

“I want to marry you too,” I said to his chest, hugging him back and tightly holding him into my arms. “I want to be in your future.”

And if only that, could be more than just wishful thinking.

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