Shraven's Silence

Chapter 1


The last weeks of summer are always fucking amazing. There are more parties, more opportunities to get drunk and the parties are more crowded than usual. I arrived earlier than I should, because I wanted to get away from home. There is no reason to stay there any longer. Besides, I have made my own group with my friend Maira.

We have been friends since freshman year of high school, but she doesn't know anything about my messed up life. I don't want her to know anything. Maira wanted to leave early as well, because she wanted to settle in her dorm room before her roommate arrived.

My roommate's name is Bryson and he introduced us to his group. He is pretty cool, but he can be a jerk sometimes with girls. He screws them and then throws them away like a piece of trash. He wanted to me to do that too, but I refused. I respect women and if they approach me I talk to them, but if I am not interested, I make that clear. I don't want some crazy bitch to chase me.

I have spent the rest of the week mostly partying, drinking and eating with my friends. I am again at a frat party, sitting on the couch with a beer in my hand, trying to distract myself in other ways than sleeping with girls like Bryson does. He is standing next to a redhead, flirting with her by running his hand up and down her arm. She is giggling like a school girl who is drooling over her first crush. Meanwhile my beer is finished and I grab another one from the kitchen.

I turn around and a girl is standing right in front of me with a smirk on her face. ''Hey handsome.''

She places her hand on my chest, biting on her lip in a seductive way. She has dark blonde hair and green eyes. I hate blondes, they are not my type.

''Do you want to go somewhere private?'' She winks and I cock my eyebrow. Girls like her are always so easy. They want to fuck and forget, but once you find someone else they turn into psycho bitch #101. No thank you.

''I am good.'' I remove her hand and walk away. She gapes and calls out that I am a jerk. I am not a jerk, I am saving her from my misery. Unfortunately, she won't get it, no one will.

I stumble my way upstairs to get some space and to get away from the loud music. I just had three beers and I already feel so lightheaded. I take a swig from my beer again as I hold on to the handrail to maintain my balance. I open the door from the first room I find, not caring who is inside.

The first thing I see is Lilly with a guy on top of her. Lilly is also a part of the group, but I am not sure if we are friends. I have a feeling that she doesn't like me.

''What the fuck do you want, asshole?'' She scoffs as the guy climbs off of her and she sits to adjust her dress so I can't see her bra and panties, but it's a little too late for that.

''Sorry.'' I mutter and close the door. She is most of the time angry with me and I don't know what I have done to her to dislike me so much. We have been friends for three weeks now, so we barely know each other. Not that I care, but it pisses me off sometimes.

I finally find an empty room and plop on the bed after shutting the door. I can't wait to start the semester, because these parties are starting to bore me as fuck. At least I learn something during the lectures, instead of doing nothing while girls are flirting with me at parties.

Parties, college, drinking and my friends are all a part of my distraction. Nothing is real or sincere about them. The only thing we can talk about are either girls or parties. I have never had a heart-to-heart conversation with anyone. There is no one to talk to about that stuff.

I should go back downstairs before I get consumed by my dark thoughts. With one big swallow I have finished my fourth beer and walk downstairs. I almost lose my balance because of the beer taking over my brain and bump into someone, but I am shoved back. I gaze at Lilly, who is giving me a death glare.

''Are you already drunk?'' I don't miss the despise in her voice and blink my eyes rapidly to process her question.

''I don't ask how many guys you have fucked.'' I fire back. She is hooking up with almost every guy, except for the guys in our group. She thinks it's weird and our friendship will change, but no one cares.

Her jaw drops and she glowers. ''Dickhead.'' Shoving me to the side and I roll my eyes. I have been called so many colorful names that I barely remember them. On the other side of the room there is Oliver with Allison. Allison laughs at whatever joke Oliver is telling her.

Oliver has always been a good guy. He doesn't screw around with girls and he is friendly. Allison is a nice girl, but she has her dramatic moments. Allison doesn't really like me, but she doesn't treat me the way Lilly does.

Damn, I feel dizzy. I need to lie down somewhere, but I can't pass out on the couch. There are too many people. I take a seat on the couch next to Bryson, who has the girl I saw earlier on his lap, stroking her thigh.

''What's up with you dude?'' He frowns when he looks at me. I know that I look like shit. ''You seriously need to get laid.'' He snickers, pointing at the blonde girl who was flirting with me a few moments ago.

''Thanks man, but I am good.'' I tell him and he shrugs, looking back at the girl on his lap. Another thing that no one knows about me, is that I am a virgin. No one really asked if I am or not.

Sure I got some blow jobs back at high school, but ever since I have arrived here, I don't do that kind of shit anymore. It just doesn't feel right to me. I want to feel the intensity and love, instead of using girls as a distraction. I don't want to treat girls like that. If girls want to flirt with me, I flirt back if I am interested, but nothing more than that.

I narrow my eyes as I start to see things vaguely. I blink rapidly to keep myself conscious, but it's hard because of the alcohol in my system. I turn my head to Bryson, but my blurry vision only shows me his blonde hair and his white teeth. His teeth look like they are from a toothpaste ad. Then I pass out with my head against the leather and my body is sinking in.

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