To Stay

"Gonna go first Ledia. I gotta go home early, my books are waiting for me at my study table."

I said as I got my apron off of my body. Ledia, on the other hand is still busy at preparing orders.

"Go girl. I can take care of this. You go and study you lessons and do good at your exams tomorrow alright?"

I smiled at her and walk my way to her to give her a kiss on her cheeks, " Thanks Ledia. I promise, I'll make it up to you tomorrow. I'll take more orders on me so you can breath a little for a while."

She turned at me and smiled at me while putting her right hands on her hips," Oh you sweet child. No wonder Hunter is crazy after you."

"Oh come on Ledia, I have no time on those romance. All I care right now is how to put my family in a better state in life. You know I want my mom home. I want her to stop being a domestic helper and just stay home to take care of my little father. I know my dad is capable of doing that but I want Austin to feel how it is being taken care of by a mother. You know what I mean Ledia?"

Her face softened on what she heard to me. I sighed. I don't want to see those sympathetic eyes on me. I really don't need sympathy, what I need right now is a job that can sustain me and my family and make our living a lot more easier. Ledia knew me from the very start, she's my dads old friend. It was her who got me this job at a nearby restaurant on my University so that I won't have to take a cab or walk just to be able to work. I'm at my last years on being an Architectural student at the St. Tomas University. After I graduate I plan to apply on a big Architectural Firm so that in that way I can now lift my family up in the pavements.

"Klare. You know your mom's doing this for you and Austin right? I know you didn't get the chance of being taken cared of, of your mother, and I'm sure you understand why, and I am also definitely sure Austin would understand why his mother should be away."

Now it's my turn to sigh. I remember that, and I remember exactly how it feels to have no mom at your side, especially when I was entering puberty. I didn't know how to do that and this, my first menstrual was a disaster. My father doesn't know a thing but he tried and I love him for that. When Austin pees on the bed sheets, I can easily see how my father puts up at the stinging smell of Austins pee so that he could just put it down at the laundry. At the section of cooking, I would say at first he wasn't that good, Austin and I would just smile and give our thumbs up, never wanting to speak so that we won't puke out the food. To make it short, in the first years of having no mom is a total chaos for us. It's as if the world isn't balanced anymore that we should adjust ourselves to make it balance again. I don't want Austin to feel those same pressure I had when our mother have to go to another country to work. Philippines isn't a place where you can find big opportunities, for us it's out there, somewhere, but not here. You're lucky if you can find a job that would give you so many benefits. My mom never got the chance to finish her studies because of same reasons, poverty. My dad was a graduate of Electrical Engineering but have to give up enter the board exams so that his siblings cam afford school expenses especially at that time Aunt Marisa needed the money for college.

Luck was never at our side, we have to sweat blood just to have a meal for the whole month. Being tired isn't part of our daily lives, it's as if being tired for us is illegal. We don't have that luxury to sit on a couch or lay on the bed to relax, every ticking second for us is important for our life depends on it.

"I know that Ledia, I know how it feels. It's just that, I can afford to think that Austin would feel that way especially now that he's entering his puberty stage. He'll be exposed to the world soon and I'm afraid he'll be scared of the world's reality, and mom won't be there to support him, just like what happened to me Ledia. My father hid me too much that when I was exposed to the world my knees trembled. "

"But you've over come that stage and you've become a sweet child Klare. Don't you think Austin would be just like you also?"

I shook my head while nodding down. It wasn't that simple, no, it wasn't that easy.

"We are different Ledia. He has his own mind and I have mine. We all have different mindsets. What if he can't take it? What if he turns rebellious? What if he'd engage his self to alcohol and drugs? Ledia I can't just stand there and watch my little brother ruin his life just because I took the risk and trust too much that he'd actually understand. I am not a risk taker, you know that Ledia."

She sighed. I really hate to disappoint her with my attitude, but sometimes I can't help being worried. You can call me paranoid or what, I just can't take the risk of having my brother ruin his life just because no one would guide him to the right way. My father is too soft, I know he can do a great job, but he's not always around for us, so the responsibility falls to me.

"Klare Margaret Steal, you are such a great child. I understand your worries, I won't oppose you again since you have your own mind now, you have your own understanding. Just always remember that I am here alright? I w.on't let anything happen to you or to your brother, I'll make sure of that. What's the use of having me as your godparent? Right?"

I smiled and run to her to give her a hug. Her wet hands embraced my body making my shirt a bit wet but I never mind it, all I care right now is having Ledia by my side is enough, it's like having a second mother, you know what I mean?

"Now go home child. Your book are waiting for you, have you forgotten already?"

I jumped out of her embrace.

"Oh yes! I nearly forgot! Jeez! Thanks for reminding me Ledia! I gotta go now. Take care!"

,

"Take care too! Say hi to Austin for me! Bye!"

As I got out of the restaurant, I quickly run to the nearest jeepney station. Jeepney or jeep is our country's original version of transportation. It was a long ride home because of the traffic near the Provincial Hospital. It is making my head ache considering the smoke coming from vehic.les to vehicles. I just continued breathing when I already got off of the jeep. At last, fresh air come to mama!

I laughed at my own thoughts.

A three minutes more walk then I'll be home. Everyone who would see me walking would greet me and I'd return it with a smile. Having myself surrounded with people like them is refreshing. If I could just stay here and never have to go back to the town I will, but I have to remember my dream and responsibility as the first child. Finally, I step foot at our front door.

"Austin I'm home!".

I called out to let them know my presence. Usually when Austin hears me home he'd run to me and give me a hug, but right now, I don't see one. All I can hear are giggles and a deep baritone laugh coming from someone? We have a guest? Who could that be? Maybe dad came home with someone, maybe his guest?

.

"Klare! Don't just stand there! Go inside, Hunter has been waiting for you all day long. Maybe you could at least entertain him first before you can throw him out of our house."

I glanced at my father who is currently busy working on something at his motorcycle. I laughed at his attitude. I know he does not like Hunter that much for me, but I know he does not hate him. If he does, hunter wouldn't be able to step inside of our house, or even just on our front yard.

"Alright. Have you cooked rice already?"

"Yeah. Just cook the chicken at the fridge. Make an Adobo or Tinola. Have Hunter eat first before you throw him out. "

I shook my head on his attitude. He's cute, he looks more like a child than a father. I swear!

"Alright dad. It'll be quick. Make sure you wash your hands before we eat."

After that I walked in our house and found Austin and Hunter laughing about something on Hunters phone.

"Well, well, well, would you look at that."

They both glanced at my direction, by seeing me both eyes twinkled.

"Klare!/Sis!"

They called out at the same time. Afterwards, they both run towards me as if they have a little competition on who would be hugging me first, of course I didn't let Hunter win, even if he got in front of me first I still hugged Austin first.

"Yey! I won! I won!"

Little Austin clapped so happily. I smiled, Hunter laughed then lowered his body towards Austin and gave him a pat in the head.

"That was awesome bud!"

Something warm touched my heart seeing them so close to each other. My heart raced when Hunter gazed right in to my eyes. I have to look away to hide my heating face.

.

"Hey buddy. Why don't you play your toys for a while, alright? I'll just talk to your sister for a bit."

"Alright bro! You have me. Hihi!"

My mouth hanged open as I listen to their little conversation.

"Thank you bud. I'll keep my promise to marry your sister soon."

And now my mind became blank. All I could hear is my loud beating heart, as if it just came for a long long run. Is he serious now? He can't promise Austin things like that! The poor child will believe and I don't want to disappoint him someday. You know it wasn't my priority in the first place.

Austin run towards his bedroom without saying anything. Hunter fixed himself , he stood up and towered over me. I gave him a glare, he returned it with a grin on his face. Is he trying to piss me of now!

"

"Klare--"

"You shouldn't said that to Austin. You never should have promised that Hunter! You know that! He's just a child for goodness sake! What does he know about marriage? None! He's still innocent about those things Hunter! Don't you dare take that innocence away from him. Don't you dare."

"Relax Klare, it's not like we'll never marry each other in the near----"

I rolled my eyes before cutting him off.

"I have no time for romance Hunter and you know that. Stop it already, you won't get anything from me."

His face became serious, I won't lie, whatever expression he makes, he still looks so freaking sexy and I hate how it affects me. I hate how he can melt my walls that easily with just his simply gestures. The only thing that is keeping me from being with him is the fact that I still am not yet successful in life. I still don't have that assurance that we'll live easily even though were already together.

"Is it because I'm poor Klare? Is it again all about this? That you still have to lift your family up of poverty before anything else? You know we can do it together right? I'll become an engineer soon Klare, and even right now that I am still not, I can still make a living for the both of us. We can help each other here Klare. Why don't you want that?"

I sighed then turn my head away from his sight, I can't let him see how I wanted to agree with him. But I can't be selfish, he has his own family to help too, I want him to know and see that the world isn't just all about me, all about us. I want him to see what he's been missing out before running towards me. I liked him because of who he is, it's not all about money, it's all about our future that I care about. Besides, we'll both grow sooner or later, our interests will not be the same when that happens, he can lost interest in me while I can't, or vice versa. That can happen all the time.

"Please Hunter. If you just came here to convince me again then just go. As I said...you won't get anything from me..."

With an aching heart, I left him there. Not letting him speak, or else, I would eventually change my mind and run to him never minding what would happen next. And that would mean I may be risking our future...that, I can't take...

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