A Wife's Secret

MADISON stared at the calendar hanged behind their door. She counted the days twice, and she can’t be wrong by the result. Her monthly period is delayed for one week now from the date she should have it, and she’s beginning to feel something different from herself.

She caressed her flat stomach. “Are you there now, baby?” she asked, a smile forming on her lips. She looked at her husband, who was still sleeping on their bed. “Honey… I think we made it,” she murmured. “But I have to be sure before I tell him.”

Madison went to the toilet to shower and prepare for her daily visit at the bakeshop. Madison is a pastry chef of her own bakeshop just a few miles away from their house. She’s been married to William for over two years now, and they’ve wanted to have a baby on the first day of their marriage. Unfortunately, she can’t conceive, and she doesn’t know why.

“Are you sure about that now?” Carmela asked Madison. She’s her best friend and personal OB-gyne. “Have you used a pregnancy test kit?”

Madison looked away from her friend. “Do I really have to use it? Pregnancy tests aren’t accurate, right?” she said while sprinkling powdered milk on her choco chips.

Carmela rolled her eyes ceilingwards. “Don’t tell me that you’re afraid of the result?” she asked, looking at her worriedly. “You said that the last time that you made love, he released it all inside you? And that you were fertile that night?”

She scowled at her friend and looked around the production area. “Do you really have to say it out loud?” she asked, heat raised to her cheeks. It’s a good thing that only a few bakers were inside, and all were busy with their work.

Carmela laughed. “Madison, let me remind you that it was you who wanted to talk to me here, instead of in my clinic, right? I told you to meet me there, but you insisted on talking here because you said that you have a lot of things to do in the bakeshop.”

Madison sighed. “I just don’t want William to assume without proofs.” She shook her head. “I don’t want to see him get disappointed again, Carmela.”

“I understand you, Maddy.” She tapped her arm gently. “But, there’s nothing to worry about, right? We’ve done a series of tests to both of you, and the results were impressive.”

“I know…” she said, starting to feel bothered again. “That’s why I don’t know why we still can’t make it. We’ve been trying to have a baby for two years but always failed.” She looked at her friend. “Her mother kept asking me about it, and I don’t know what to tell her anymore. She kept asking us for a grandchild, and I can see that William is starting to feel pressured about it.”

“Madison, stop over-thinking,” she said and gave her an assuring smile. “Maybe now is the right time.” She caressed her belly. “Baby, are you with mommy now?”

“I’m really hoping that I am pregnant now, Carmela,” she said in an almost pleading tone. “Because I don’t know if William could still take another false alarm. He badly wanted to have a baby.” Tears stung her eyes. “Remember the last time that I got a negative result on pregnancy test kit? He was so devastated that I couldn’t talk to him properly. He locked himself in our room for the whole day and refused to eat.”

Carmela heaved a sigh. “I didn’t expect that William will turn out to be like this. When you were just dating each other back in college, he was the type of man that always looked on the brighter side. I remember him to be the one encouraging me to pursue my passion for being a doctor.”

“Then, after we got married, he changed…” Madison said, tears falling from her eyes. “Maybe there’s something wrong with me, Carmela.”

“No, Madison. There’s nothing wrong with the two of you.” She went around the baking table and rubbed her back. “Don’t cry. Feeling depressed is not good for the baby.”

She wiped her tears. “I really wanted to get pregnant. I don’t want to see William to be like that again.”

“It’s just two years, Madison. Other couples waited six years before they conceive,” she said, smiling at her. “Just be patient, okay? If it’s really for you, it will come to your most unexpected moment.”

Madison looked at the unmade choco chips. She met William when she was just a freshman in college. She was just seventeen back then. Innocent and vulnerable. But William never took advantage of her. Instead, he courted her and patiently waited for her to give in. They dated for two years and decided to get married secretly at her age of nineteen, while William was just twenty-one. Now, after two years of being married, they’re still struggling to build a family. And, because of the constant failure of getting her pregnant, William started to doubt his capabilities.

“Madison, take a pregnancy test for you to be sure on your instinct,” Carmela told her after a moment of silence. “I brought two PT kits here, and they’re all produced by the high-end laboratory. It’s 99.99% accurate.”

“I’m scared, Carmela,” she said hesitantly as she took from her the pregnancy test boxes. “What if… What if I got one line on both?”

Carmela looked at her and smiled. “Then, we’ll do the transvaginal ultrasound to be sure,” she said and held her hand with the PT kits. “Just hold on to your instinct, Madison.”

Madison blew her breath. “Thanks, Carmela. I don’t know what I would if you’re not here with me.” She hugged her friend tightly. “We’ve been trying to have a baby for two years. I know it’s just a short time compared to other couples… But, I’m anxious for William.”

“Madison, if it’s still negative, then why don’t you try other alternative processes on conceiving? Like Intrauterine Insemination?” Carmela suggested. “Have you tried talking about it to William?”

Madison pressed her lips together. “I’ve tried to talk to him about it because I read a book where the woman underwent artificial insemination to get pregnant. But, he often talks about the natural process whenever we talk about having a baby.”

Carmela caught her forehead. “Let’s talk about the alternatives after you tried these two test kits.” She took the test kits from her hand and slipped them on her apron. “You already know the proper way to use them, right?”

Madison nodded. “I’ll call right after I saw the results,” she said. “You may go back to your clinic now. I know you’re busy. Thank you for your time. I really appreciate it.”

Carmela narrowed her eyes at her. “It’s no big deal. I’m always here for you,” she said and waved goodbye at her.

As soon as Carmela left. Madison took out the pregnancy kits from her apron and looked at them. “When will you show two lines?”

***