CAPITELLI

What people think of me is not what I think of myself. If only they know What I’ve been through, they would know how strong I’m. People around me think that I’m a football freak, and I can’t seem to see any other thing apart from the football field, but they are wrong. I also have a life, I’m not a football machine.

THIS IS MY LIFE.

My name is Capitelli, Sebastiano Capitelli.

If there should be another name for me, a name that defines me... It would be, “Signore del calcio”

-Lord of football-

I grew up with the soccer ball being my only sibling, the soccer pitch being my classroom and my jersey being the only thing, I can boast of.

I’m Italian, 182 cm tall, slender, and a little fun.

I would have been totally fun to be with only if I could let go of my obsession for Football and get a little social and talk to people about things which are not football related.

My friends call me, “signore del calcio,” not because I am so good at it, but because of how dedicated I’m to it.

In fact, I’ve never been included in a team’s first XI before. I’m hardly called to the starting lineup.

After my performances, training, and hard works, I always end up on the bench.

I’ve played for four amateur football teams ever since I started playing football, and it still goes on that same old track every time. At first, I thought it was the club's fault.

“It's not your fault, they just don't know the right player,”

that was what I always said to myself to keep myself from being hurt, but as time went on I realized that I wasn't giving them what they needed.

The fact is, I dedicate so much to football, but others who don't even show up on training sessions are always on the starting lineup.

“What an insult,”

I think to myself... Every time I receive such an unfair treatment from the coaches because they believed that those other players without making themselves present at the training sessions are still better than me.

“Sebastiano! You can do better,”

That is the only thing I always get from my training sessions, it has been like this for the past 12 years. Now, I’m 18 and I still have met no team’s expectations.

Some days I considered, “Lucky” were the few days that they called me to bench to sit among other substitutes. Even though I get to sit on the substitution bench throughout the play, and maybe feel like they only called me to clean up the bench with my butt, it still made me happy.

Days that made me feel like giving up on football was the days that our head coach preferred to add an injured player to the squad instead, looking past me.

“Is that how useless I’m to them?”

That is the question that keeps running through my mind anytime shit like that happens.

I started playing football ever since I turned 6. Football has been my life, and if I had a dream it would be to play for the Italian national football team.

On international grounds, I dream of playing alongside players like Mario Balotelli, Ciro Immobile and Lorenzo Insigne.

My dream club is Juventus, it has been my dream to play for a club like that, playing alongside Paulo Dybala and the world's most famous number 7 -CR.

Playing against another elite club, not just any elite club, but a club that has players that matter, players that have earned the right to be recognized, players that were made just for the sake of football. Players like the Argentine star, Lionel Messi.

But maybe my dreams will never come true, maybe I was never made to be a football player, maybe I was only meant to sit and watch from TV as a fan.

My dreams are the only thing that comforts me, if there could be a way to live in my dreams forever, I would take it without having a single thought. You can call me a coward if you want to, but I'll say the same thing all over again.

In my dreams, I’m more than perfect. I would dream of playing for my country and listen to the fans cheer my name, “CAPITELLI! CAPITELLI! CAPITELLI!” after giving them a spectacular performance. It's just so amazing how it feels every time I get to see myself strike a ball, and it hits the back of the net.

But I only get to see these things happen in my dreams. Common! I hardly even get the chance to play. If I’m not good enough for them, how do I get to play more often, so I could at least score my first goal.

I would see other players score more than once in a match, and I would always say to myself, “Are these people gods, or was it really practice that made them perfect ?”

And whenever they seem to miss a shot after already scoring more than a goal in a match I used to wonder why they still get pissed at themselves for missing just one shot. Maybe they wanted more, and here I am, still searching for my first goal.

I would see Lionel Messi on TV scoring a hat-rick and I would be like, “How does this guy do it, how does he keep it going, why is he still out for more goals?” I would ask myself that as I keep wishing to be like him.

I guess the burden that falls on a player's shoulder whenever people have already known them for what they do on the field is the driving force behind their performance or at least 50% of their performances are triggered by fear of being forgotten, and desire to keep their spotlight on.

I guess I haven't had my first goal, because I had nothing to lose; I had no recognition in the world of football not even on the amateur grounds.

Then another thing comes to mind, those players that are recognized in football today, were not placed in that position by birth. They had to struggle for something, it may be fame, money or whatever they were chasing before they got to where they are today.

“What is my purpose, why am I playing football, Why do I refuse to give up?” Those was the questions I asked myself.

This is what I say to myself each time I find myself on the football field, “Sebastiano, qual'e ‘il tuo scopo”

“Sebastiano, What is your purpose?”