Fucking Done

  Main Character:

Chris

I was born into a gang and as you may not know once you're in death is the only way out. From the beginning I hated it I never wanted to be apart of this, and the rivalry between our two families Ramos and Rose, no one knows why they hate the other because it's been generations since whatever happened. I want out of this but I don't wanna be dead, I wanna experience life outside of this, outside of hating everything.  I will get out... I have to...

In Chris's head: (not exactly about family rivalry but about his boyfriend)

-Chris's family doesn't know about Daniel-

I know I'm too late on trying to fix things between us, he wishes he was with someone else, so what else am I supposed to do? I pretend everything is fine, pretend I'm not shattered by his words. Tell him I love him even though it's hopeless, I do love him, but he doesn't love me. I know he's using me so he's not alone, so he doesn't have to be the bad guy. Our plans stay the same for life even though we obviously shouldn't be together anymore, I'm too scared to say anything. Too scared to let go... This isn't healthy...

Chris's phone vibrates

Daniel:

I love you baby 🥰

Chris rolls his eyes but proceeded to text back

Chris:

I love you too

He only uses me... Uses me for sex, get him weed, whatever he wants... Most of the time when we have sex, he makes sure I'm ass up so he doesn't have to see my face, and honestly, I don't mind that much. It's better than him looking me in the face, hurting me more. Maybe I'm too sensitive... Maybe I'm too closed off... I don't fucking know...

(Trigger warning: mentions of self-harm and abuse if you can't handle don't read past here)

Chris grabs his razor blade out of his drawer as thoughts overwhelm his mind, not knowing how much he can handle. He doesn't want to be here, or in this situation, it's all shit. He presses and drags the blade across his arm, the sting welcomes him, a small glisten of blood shows itself. He sighs as if it's a puff of a blunt, relaxing his nerves. This is a horrible addiction he's had since he was 13 (he's 20 now). Lots of people try telling him to stop or it's not a valid addiction but he can't seem to stop himself. Even when he thinks of throwing the blades away, he can't, he wants more.

Later that day:

Daniel comes home from work pissed, slamming things and screaming at Chris. Chris sits on the bed taking everything he believes he deserves, not moving. Daniel rolls his eyes at Chris, scoffing, "Pathetic, you're pathetic Chris", Chris nods, "I know I am." He gets up and tries walking out the room but Daniel slaps him across the face, causing him to fall into the wall, slamming his head so hard he passes out.

(Give me some feedback if you like this so far. Ik it's not the best atmosphere but it'll get better, just stay with me.)