It's the same cycle, repeating an annoying sound scraping the cranium. His pleading words unfortunately worked.
Getting down on his knees, apologizing for skipping out on me. I know I should leave, walk out. But given the low success rate I've had with men this could very much be the best deal I can get when it comes to Derek.
So now here I lay staring at the ceiling, cold sleeplessness in me as I face the comfort of the empty bed sheets we used to imprint in our passion.
My mind drifted over to the coat that lay on a chair, I had been meaning to return it to that man. And for a brief moment as I thought about him, a stupid grin found itself on my face at the incident back at the office.
His eyes were the first thing I noticed about him, along with his firm jaw and pink pouty lips. He easily towered over me, overwhelming me with his presence set to affirm the flutters of wings in my belly. The scent managed to overload my nose; it was woodsy and had a hint of sandalwood. It just fit him.
The kindness he showed me had been flattering even if he showed it because he felt sorry for me upon realising that Derek wasn't around. I scoffed feeling ridiculous for lusting after a stranger who seemed to be younger than me and not only that I do not go for anyone outside my race.
And I had Derek.
Still as I lay in the pool of secrecy winded in the hands of darkness who solemnly swears to keep the prying eyes of mine a secret, I can't help but still wonder about the blue eyed boy. It's fine to just think about him and leave it at that.
His mouth is moving and nothing comes to me.
No sound along with no affection.
"I'm really tired baby," he mumbles as he returns his gaze to his ipad. The quick perusal over the red lingerie set I bought, bruised me as he sat on the bed preparing notes for some meeting.
I know he's been trying to get a promotion at work, but even back then work could be set aside easily to delve between my thighs. Now he barely wants to touch me.
"Terrance...you're always working."
"Where do you think that money I use to take you out on those fancy dates comes from huh?"
For a split second I can't recognize him. With the hard scowl on his face you'd think I just told him the worst news. His harsh tone had never been aimed at me before and for a second I freeze unsure of how to react.
"I don't mean t-to-"
"Then don't bite the hand that feeds you."
Silence is suffocating only if you allow it and I allowed the silence to block the air from filling my lungs.
At this point he might as well spit in my face.
Returning to the bathroom in no time I buried myself under the sheets wounded.
He loves me...
He loves me... not.
There he was alone in the office by himself again. Swallowing the nerves I clutched the coat tighter which on some days I found myself sniffing already addicted to the smell.
"Hey..." I almost wanted to kick myself for sounding so unsure.
"Door lady," he smiled.
Tripping on shaky ground into the blinding light of your smile.
"I never knew I would one day gain such a nickname."
"Well between your panicking mode and my rescue you never told me your name. You just disappeared," he said standing up coming to stand in front of me.
"Raquel, that's my name. Not door lady, coat man."
He chuckled, my heart fluttered.
"My name's Alex. And I've been feeling rather cold these days given my favourite coat is missing."
Sheepishly smiling at him, I handed him his coat." I actually came here to return it. I understand why it's your favourite since it saved me. I mean imagine if someone else had been there," I laughed easing my nervous demeanour.
"They would be one lucky bastard," he replied. And looking at him, he seemed genuine.
"Well I guess that's... that then."
I turned taking steps to leave and as the creation of distance grew greater, I do not want to leave just yet. Call me crazy there is something about him and he did help me out.
"How come you're the only one I find in this office at such a late hour alone?" I mumbled making my way back to him.
"At this time I'm usually waiting to save more damsels in distress like you."
You can save me anytime.
"On a serious note, I just have a lot more work to do than most."
"Have you ever told your boss that oh I don't know you have a life?" I asked.
He stared me down for a moment as if considering something or assessing something before he continued.
"Well since you seem to be dating him. Why don't you tell me if his always had a tendency to give a lot of work?" He may have said it with a smile but I can tell he's serious.
I want to answer him and tell him to pull through. And I decide for the next best thing.
I loved this place, the vibe in the small restaurant always made me feel at home. The food is incredible but what made this place that much special is the open poetry slam they did every night.
I used to come here every weekend with Angie and Derek... he found this place as he put it rather dirty and spent the majority of our date one time complaining about health code violations this place broke. It isn't a fancy place like he's used to but this place had character.
Alex was yet to say anything as he sipped on the beer he ordered. I figured since he helped me out I could at least buy him dinner and that was it.
He seemed focused on the person on stage who was currently talking about love.
Two lovers linked by a game
Yet feel no need to hide from intense attractions.
A sweet unhindered moment of sharing a time of beauty.
Each pass resembling love within each intricate detail,
As both marvel over the other.
Whispering only Shakespeare's romances
To the other, in their bubble,
Uninterrupted, both breathless in their game.
Turning my head from the stage after listening to the words painted, I found Alex's eyes on me.
"I'm guessing you must really love poetry."
"If fashion didn't exist maybe I would have strived to be the next T.S Eliot. I used to write poems in high school but it was more of a hobby," I said taking a sip of my wine.
The waiter soon came with our food and I was thankful given how the table only separates us, seeing his features in the dim lighting increased the flutters.
"So am I asking for too much if I requested you to go up there before tonight ends?"
"I've already bought you a meal, don't expect me to go up there and embarrass myself. In terms of me owing you, I've ended all pending debts."
He appeared amused, with the way he fought the smile and I wished he wouldn't, he has such a nice smile.
"What's your favourite colour?" he suddenly asked after we stared each other down.
"You giving up so easily?" I raised my eyebrow in question. The chuckle that followed made me lean closer on the table.
"Nah... I'm just trying to figure you out."
Figure me out?
His statement had me intrigued.
"What exactly are you trying to figure out?" I cocked my head to the side confused. I was by far the least complicated person, to some degree I was an open book.
Taking a bite out of his steak, I waited, curious to hear his view.
"How is it a woman like you is with Derek?"
Out of all the questions I wasn't expecting that one." What do you mean a woman like me?"
"Look I don't want to be dishonest with you. If you run off and tell him what I say it's fine, but Derek...is by far a tyrant in the workplace. A lot of people don't like him and I happen to be one of them. Then you show up with this sweet nature. I mean you bought me dinner which you didn't have to but you insisted and you're smart and successful. You're the definition of a good girl. Am I missing something and why is it you call him Terrance?"
I know I should feel offended at what he said about Derek and even his rant about him which I felt he held back on some aspects of.
"He likes it when I call him by his middle name. And given the circumstances we met under, what makes you think I'm a good girl, Alex?" The question was intended to be innocent but I failed not to notice the slight blush on his face.
"Well," he cleared his throat," you just don't strike me as someone who takes risks on a daily basis much less stepping out of your comfort zone." He held up his hand after he noticed my attempt to interrupt him and defend myself.
"Let's look at the facts if you really were a hard-core risk taker, the door issue wouldn't have happened and you wouldn't have hesitated to go up on that stage and said a poem."
He had me there.
The victorious smirk on his face was beyond ridiculous at this point, as if he had won some prize. And I can't place what it is but something about him makes me want to say to hell with it and prove him wrong. So taking my wine and downing my entire glass I stood up and made my way to the stage.