Lost Memories of November

What do you think is the purpose of living? Why do we live? For what do we live for? Fame? Fortune? Success? Why does God let us experience something that he will take away soon after? Are we just like toys that entertain him and dispose of when he got bored? Why, what, how. Why God ignores people who toys with other people’s life? Is it that entertaining to see his creation fight and struggles with their own life? Is life truly a blessing? Or a living hell that slowly tortures you everyday until your body gives up and grants you no other option but to end your misery with your own hands. Is living really considered living? These questions that make me wonder everyday slowly rots my brain as days pass by slowly. I lived my life peacefully and happily to the way I want it to be. But I didn’t think that I somehow would be end up standing here; on top of a cliff during a heavy rainfall. As I take each step, the feeling of dying slowly eats my brain and makes me shiver in extreme fear. But I think experiencing this is only necessary for someone whose hands are already tainted with blood and terror. I didn’t think that my own action will be the cause of my own downfall. What a tragic fate indeed. A woman in her 30s that only wanted love and affection of a certain someone. The feeling of a warm hug and passionate first kiss. The feeling of extreme joy during her wedding and the pain of happiness while giving birth to the fruit of their affection. All of that is something a normal woman like me desired. A simple yet enormous dream a normal woman could have. I didn’t think that even this simple dream is something that I can’t afford for. As I take each step towards the end of the cliff, tears start flowing out of my eyes. I look up the sky and smile as I enjoy the last moment of my life. I can’t even die on a good weather but at least, the environment is sympathizing with me right now. I reach the end of the cliff and look down. Fear once again flows in my body as I stare at the endless bottom. I look my hands and its trembling greatly. These hands that stole a life yet now trembling in fear as it doesn’t want to die. I close my eyes and slowly tilt my body towards the cliff as I already accept to kill this sinner me. A woman who ended up taking someone’s life yet dared to forget it and tried to live a normal life like everybody does. Even if a wolf dresses in sheep’s clothing and lives a simple life in a barn, by the end of the day, the fact that he’s a wolf won’t change

--- 4 MONTH’S AGO ---

The ambulance’s loud siren attracted a crowd of curious people. In one of the apartment, a hideous murder case happened and the victim was brutally murdered by the suspect causing him instant death. The victim’s body was slowly placed inside the ambulance and aside from the victim; another body was also getting placed in another ambulance. A woman in her 30s who were found unconscious on the crime scene but didn’t suffer any serious injuries. Upon arriving at scene, the woman was seen lying in blood besides the dead body. The woman was instantly brought to the hospital and after a series of tests; despite having no serious injuries in her brain, she was diagnosed with temporary amnesia because of extreme shock forcing her brain to forget everything that she saw. But not only was the memories of that day wiped out. A month worth of memory was completely gone. The police started the investigation and based on the evidence collected, the woman’s fingerprints was all over the crime scene especially the murder weapon. The woman was then labeled as a murder suspect. But because of losing her memories about the incident, the police and doctors present at that time decided to not let that woman knows about the whole incident and just watch her movements carefully. The woman woke up in the hospital having no idea of what happened and lived soon after a very normal life like nothing happened. Coincidentally, that murderer woman was me Song Ji Yeon. A normal office employee who knew nothing about what happened that day and even what I did for the past month. Knowing nothing, I left the hospital and resumed living his normal life. My only friend Kang Seo Jin fetched me at the hospital. She helped me walk towards her car and as soon as we entered the car, she opened the radio and started driving. As we are slowly heading to my house, the music played by the radio suddenly changed to a breaking news. ‘Last November 30, 2019, two days ago, at around 10 PM, a brutal murder incident took place at one of the apartments at Hapjeong District. The victim was brutally murdered with a knife and according to the police investigation; a witness was found lying together with the victim and is now currently unconscious due to severe injuries. The police are doing their best investigating this tragic incident and are waiting for the unconscious witness to fully recover. Next on the news, the price stoc—‘.While driving, Seo Jin heard the news and sighed heavily. ‘You also live in Hapjeong right? Is the crime scene near your place?’ she said. I looked at her with such innocent face and said, ‘I don’t know. Probably not right? It’s scary if that happens’. Seo Jin brushed it off with a giggle and said, ‘I know right. It’s really scary if the murder scene is actually near your house. Ah! By the way, I was shocked when I got a sudden call from the hospital two days ago. You made me worry, you know’. Seo Jin’s worries were openly seen from her face. I felt sad about making her worry and I started tearing up. Seo Jin looked at me and noticed that I’m suddenly crying. ‘Hey! Why are you crying? Are you alright? Don’t force yourself to remember. The doctor said that take your time recovering’. While driving, Seo Jin wiped off my tears with her hands. I gave her a smile and said, ‘I got it. I didn’t understand why I had a temporary amnesia but even though it’s only a day, I’ll take my time remembering everything that happened that day’. Seo Jin smiled back and said, ‘After we got back, you take a rest for today and tomorrow. The director already knew about your accident and decided to give you a two day offs so get plenty of sleep, okay?’. After an hour of driving, Seo Jin dropped me off at my apartment and she drove back to the company because of a sudden meeting. I slowly walked up the stairs and as I arrived in front of my room, I opened the door with my room key. Upon entering, I went to my bed and lay down with my blanket covering my whole body. I closed my eyes and soon after, drowsiness came and I slowly started sleeping. I also rested the next day. After my two day off, I prepared for the day and went off to work. As soon as I enter the department, my co-workers welcomed me with their worries. I just smiled at them to let them know that I’m really okay. Seo Jin also welcomed me with a smile. ‘Welcome back, Ji Yeon! You made not only me but also them worried’. I awkwardly chuckled while scratching my head as I don’t know how to respond. ‘I’m sorry everyone for making you all worry. I will do my best in order to catch up for all the time that I was not present. I’m really sorry’. My co-workers began clapping and our female team leader walked towards me and hugged me. ‘Thank goodness that you’re okay. Don’t force yourself to work hard for now. We heard what happened so if you suddenly feel in pain, please let us know’. I really felt her warm hug. Just like a mother’s hug that comforts you when you’re in pain. I was flustered by her sudden hug. I could not utter a single word. While having a warm welcoming, the director went out of his office and called me in. I think he wanted to have a talk so I don’t have a choice but to go. He’s my superior and I’m his subordinate so I don’t have the power to refuse. I entered the room and greeted him. ‘Sorry for the trouble I brought for the past days, director. I’ll work harder than before from now on’. The director sighs heavily and said, ‘Okay, okay. Stop straining yourself to much. I called you just to inform that if you still feeling sick, you have my permission to leave. No need to push yourself to much’. The director looked at me with such worries as I looked at him in the eye. I still felt inferior so I just obediently obeyed. ‘I understand, director’. The director smiled at me and said, ‘You can go now. Remember what I said okay? Don’t strain yourself too much’. I left the director’s office and went back to my own desk. I diligently worked for the day and the time went by in a flash. Before 6 PM, I left the office and decided to have dinner somewhere. I tried dragging Seo Jin with me but she needed to work overtime so I can’t really bother her with such trivial matter. I can just have a dinner on my own. I leisurely stroll around and found a nearby café. While opening the door, I bumped into someone on my way inside the café. I was flustered by the sudden collision and all I can say was ‘I’m sorry’. He looked at me and also said sorry as he went outside of the café. He seemed to be in a rush so he probably didn’t mind the sudden accident. I followed him with my gaze and as soon as I can’t see him anymore, I decided to enter the café. Before I enter, I noticed a wallet in the ground. Probably he accidentally dropped it when we collided with each other. I unconsciously picked up the wallet and head inside the café like nothing happened. I ordered a two shot, one whip iced Americano and two slices of strawberry cake at the counter. While waiting for my order, I became conscious of the wallet I picked up and decided to take a peek. I know it’s invading one’s property but how can I gave it back when I don’t know how contact him. When I’m trying to open the wallet, my buzzer started vibrating as my order is ready to serve. I rushed towards the counter and took my order and casually went back to my seat. As I was enjoying my Americano while taking a peek outside the café, the thought of opening the wallet came across my mind again. The wallet might get a burn hole as I stare at it very seriously. Curiosity kicks in and I don’t give a damned anymore. I opened the wallet and as normal person’s response, the wallet is fatter than I expected. Probably around 200,000 to 300,000 won are inside the wallet. Who in the world would put 300,000 won in his wallet? It’s the credit card age now, no need to bring such large sum of cash. It’s tempting but I’m a good person so I will naturally give it back. The owner should thank me that I; a good person picked it up. Putting the money aside, I looked at his Identification card to know the owner of the wallet’s identity. He is handsome. Yeah, just by only looking at the picture at his card, you can tell that he’s handsome in person. His name is Choi Tae Hyeon; he’s born at 1991 and is 2 years younger than me. Thankfully his phone number is also in the card so I’ll probably contact him later when I got home. Finishing my sweet time at the café, I went back to my apartment and washed up as I was getting ready to sleep