PROLOGUE

"Help please stop! Help! Somebody Help me!" a loud and broken voice of a girl filled my ears. I couldn't resist but to cry while hearing a helpless lady's cries. She was crying from the bottom of her lungs and shouting for help. But no one was there to help her from a gang.

I couldn't see clearly but there's more than three men trying to harass me.

My thick tears were falling uncontrollably. I want go and escape them but how? How on earth can I escape? When there's nobody to help me and I couldn't protect myself from these bastards!

My tears continued to flow as they grasped their hold on me. They are many and strong while I am alone and weak. How can I protect myself? Why am I in this kind of situation?

"Help!" I shouted once again.

"Aren't you going to stop? Shout up, Bitch! Can you just shut your mouth? Stop it! You can't escape!"After a guy said that he started laughing and he touched me inappropriately. I want to go! I don't want this!

"Get a fucking life!" but they just ignored me and started to harass me. I want to vomit in disgust as I shed another tear and let out a loud sobs.

I quickly fell into disarray. I'm sweating bullets and my heart can't beat normally. It is beating rapidly and I'm starting to panic. My hands are trembling in fear and I am full of mix emotions. I don't know what to do?

I took out a deep breath as I calm myself down. Calm down, you need to calm down, Syrah.

My eyes are getting blurry and blurry and lots of thin and thick tears are rolling down my face. My sobs grew louder and I couldn't control myself any longer.

"What happened?!" said by the man besides me in a panic voice. He also sat quickly and faced me. He grabbed both of my shoulders so that I can face him and instead of calming me down, I got even more scared.

I quickly grabbed his hold and distance myself away from him. I can see the fear, pain and care in his eyes. It's like he's really bothered and worried of what's happening.

"Hush now, Syrah. Hush now. It's just a dream." he said trying to calm me down. But, I quickly shook my head and cried out loud.

"No! No! No, it's not a dream! It's not a dream, Chris! It's not a dream!" it's a shout but not too loud because of my broken voice.

Chris tried to calm me down by holding me softly and looking at me with no bad intentions.

"It's a nightmare. I know it's a nightmare," I burst out again but now... I'm crying on his shoulders. While his hands are caressing my back softly trying to make things light.

"I know. I know it's a nightmare, Syrah. Calm down now. Please, calm down" he is not the strong and snob man I know onto this moment. He is pleading me not to cry and try to calm.

After a minute or so we are still on that position. I became calm but there's a little bit more fear in my system. As the seconds goes by, the memories I saw earlier fades away.

It's always like that. I will dream or see something terrible and then after time I will forget what happened and feel like there's something wrong with me.

My face was resting on his shoulder and his left hand is caressing my hair, giving me a light thing and reason to calm while his other hand is on my back.

He's like a superman but with a huge difference. Superman may has a super powers to caught the villains and save the victims but superman can't do these kinds of thing, I'm sure of that. Superman has no power to calm and to stop someone from feeling the pain. Because if he can do that, I will search the whole wide world just to find him and ask him to cure me. But sadly superman isn't like that. He's just a fictional superhero.

While, Chris he's very different. He may not have the superpowers that superman has. He may not caught the villains and save victims. But, Chris is the only reason and the person who can calm me and stop me from crying. He can't cure the pain and the longing inside of me but he can make me feel unsad whenever he's around. I'm blessed to have someone like him.

My eyes were heavy and after a few minutes I fell asleep on his shoulder.

The rays of sunlight that came from the outside of our windows woke me up. The sunlight is not yet hurtful on my skin but it is already high and awake. I breathe deeply before sitting and resting my back on the headboard.

I look at the space besides me and no one was there. Maybe he's on the office already.

"What happened?" I ask myself. Hoping that I remember something I remembered and saw last night. But just like the other days, I don't remember anything.

I feel so upset at the very beginning of the day because I can't remember anything plus the heavy feeling that my heart is carrying.

I am not sad but I am also unhappy.

My attention diverted on the door when someone open it. I was about to panick but when I saw the person who came inside. I feel so calm even just in a little span of time.

Our eyes locked and I can say that he's feeling unwell and restless. Didn't I let him rest last night? What a shame, self.

"You're awake." he said as he walks towards me "Good morning," he said and sat down on the side of my foot "Where do you want to eat breakfast? Here or on the dinning?" maybe he knows that I'm unwell. That's why he's offering a breakfast together with him, just him.

"Anywhere." I answered him and turn my gaze on the windows of our room. The curtains are sideways so the sun can enter and because of that I can see our peaceful garden below.

"I'll get our breakfast. Stay here. If you feel something call me right away," he said and smiled so I just nodded.

I noticed, he was not wearing any work suit but when I looked at the wall clock it is already seven o'clock in the morning. He should be ready for work. Maybe he'll take time off just to take care of me.

I shook my head in disbelief. Why do I have to be like this? When will I going to stop giving him headache?

I got up and showered myself and went back to bed. I was right back when Chris came into the room with the food so I quickly got up and helped him but he just shook his head and motioned for me to sit on the bench on the porch of the room.

I sat in my usual seat and he did the same. We are opposite now and our foods are already on the round table. He didn't just sit down and eat. He even ordered my meals.

"I can do it for myself. You should eat up," I gently replied to him and before he even stopped doing that he looked at me first. Maybe he's analyzing if I'm really fine or what.

He started eating and so did I. No one tries to break the silence. And of course, I won't ever be the one who'll going to break the silence. It should be him.

"What's your plan today?" he asked in a serious but with no emotions voice. I looked at him but he went straight to eat. Not bothering giving me a glance.

"None. " I answered while eating. I drink water first and at the same time, he probably think I'm fine. And just like the past days, when he looks at me I feel different but still comfortable with him. Chris is the only person I trust in this world.

"I need to go to the office. I have a lot of works to do. Would you like to come with me? So, the day will be less boring for you." I panicked in just a second because of that idea, my world lights up. But on the thought of seeing lots of people makes me more scared.

"We're just in my office. I won't let anyone be near you. Unlike you being here- alone. You being with me is much more comfortable." I feel convinced but I need to hear a word from him to make my me feel better.

"Trust me," on that words he quickly convinced me.

The day ended up fine. Nothing so serious happened and Cris's decision was always the best. He knew I would feel better with him than on this room alone.

Sometimes, even I feel so suspicious about him, he gives me an idea that he really know me. He really know how to calm and handle me but sometimes his way of handling and making me happy is not what I like. Maybe something in me changed after the accident and surely he's part of my forgotten memories. I hope.

But truthfully talking about our marriage, I really feel suspicious. Sometimes, I think I'm not really his wife. I don't know why I have the feeling but maybe I'm just being paranoid.

And tonight, the fearsome darkness and silence are bothering me. What will happen tonight that I'll surely forget tomorrow? I was lying on bed and waiting for Chris to come out of the bathroom. After taking a hot bath he came out wet and wearing his night clothes. He looks hot and I won't deny it.

My husband is really hot.

What the eff? What was I thinking? We looked at each other and he seems to realized that I have something to say so he sat down immediately.

"What is it?" he asked.

"What?" I answered.

"You'll gonna ask me something, right? Ask me now." he said briefly.

"Nothing. I have no questions for you," yes, I lied.

"What? C'mon, Syrah? Tell me? Is there something wrong?" he was worried so I gave him a sincere smile. Trying to convince him that I'm fine.

"Nothing. I forgot what to ask you." I said while smiling at my husband.

"What are you asking for," a familiar voice and a blurred young man appeared out of nowhere. And his smiles are also familiar. Maybe, a glimpse of my past.

"Aren't you tired?" I suddenly ask so he stopped on leaving the bed.

He looked at me and smiled. He smiled at me sincerely looks like he's telling me something I couldn't understand. He then stood up and appeared to come out of the restroom and looked at me again.

"I won't. " he said.

"What do you mean 'You wont?" I quickly asked, curious.

"When I said, I won't get tired of you. I won't get tired of you. I mean it." that's all he said and went out. Maybe, he'll pick up or look at something on his office, here at home.

Blood was flowing and mixing with the tubes water. I was lying on a bath tub while holding a knife. I saw my left wrist--lots of bloods, my own blood.

I pointed the knife straight back at my wrist with a blood-soaked narin. I cut my wrists for the third time and I don't feel any pain rather, I feel so numb and fine.

"You must die!" It's my voice. My tears shed again. Am I not tired of crying? No, I am already tired but the pain is not yet done with me.

My wrist was bleeding profusely and it was soaking in the bath tub. Gradually my eyes closed and there was really no feeling.

I will feel the real peace.

"Charge to fifty joules!" a man's voice, wearing a white coat and a stethoscope.

"Done, Doc." another voice.

I felt an apparatus or what was putted on my chest. What's happening? Why the hell am I here? I should die! I must die! Why didn't you let me die?

I slowly open my eyes and the scent of a hospital room and the ambiance welcomed me.

"I'm still alive?" I whispered. A familiar lady's look appeared on my sight.

"Mom," my eyes watered.

And then I saw my mom's face. She's in a teary eyed too.

"Doctor! Doctor! My daughter is awake!" it was my mom's voice--broken voice.

Suddenly a doctor and nurse came to check me and the vital signs.

From the hospital room to a dark room with no even a dim lights. I pull over and hold onto the railings of the veranda of my condo.

The settings of my memories changed.

Thirty first floor.

Because of the Cold breezy air my hair flies and my tears rolled on my cheeks again. I quickly wiped it out and rode on the third railing. This is the best way I think of escaping the painful reality.

My sobs are becoming louder as the heavy rain falls. I was overwhelmed by the rain but I had no clue, my gazes remained below.

Lots of vehicles and small peoples are on below me. I'm on the thirty first floor.

I heard countless knocks on my door but I didn't even turn my gaze.

The rain grew stronger and I continued to feel the pain and the weather. The world has made me this, and I'm in pain! Why in so many people--in the world... Why me?

"Why me?!" I cried as I shout on top of my lungs " Why me?! What did I do? What have I done for you to give me this life!" my voice was broken by the last word I uttered.

"I'm tired! I want to end the pain! Please let me go! "I was crying so much and begging for my sorrows to leave me. But it looks like they really want me.

"I just want to live a normal life. I never hurt anyone. Why?!" my voice were really pitiful.

"Baby!" it was a man's voice.

"Daddy," I whispered.

"What were you thinking?!" he quickly lifted me off the railings but we were still outside on the veranda, making us soaked because of the rain.

I looked down on him and my weakness was over. Along with the heavy rain was the strength of my cries and tears.

"I just want a normal life!" I hysterically said. And tramped my feet. I even threw the vase on the veranda and it cracked loudly.

"Dad, I just want a normal life? Why is it happening to me, anyway? I wanna end the pain "I sat down in exhaustion and pain. I cried out loud and my eyes were down.

"Your pain will end soon. " My dad said trying to calm me down.

"Please, hija. Stop it. Stop trying to harm or end your life." At that moment, My father's voice broke and he began to cry.

"Please, baby. Stop it. Please live. Do not leave me. You're the only thing I have. Please, hija. Please, I'm begging you. Please live your life. End the pain but not your life. "He was totally in pain. In despair. I stopped from crying and hugged my father.

A siren wailing filled up my ears as a rescuer faced me. I look at the man beside me, full of blood and crack glass. Suddenly, I'm now inside a car.

Once again, the settings changed. My memories are flashing back. Different memories but all of them are the same, it's all painful.

"Dad!" I whispered.

"Dad, wake up!" As much as I can I didn't cry or what. I hope my dad will live longer. I hope he will live with me and walk me down the aisle. He said he wants me to live.

"Recue them!" I heard someone's voice from the outside of this car. Many rescuers were outside while my dad and I were both inside the car and bloody.

"Daddy! Daddy, wake up! "I shake my arms and I pat Daddy's face but he's not showing any response.

At this very moment I dont know what to do and to think. I am afraid of what will happen. I want to check his pulses but I couldn't. I can't. I'm afraid.

"Please, Daddy Don't leave me!" I said in a soft voice until the car door opened on my side and they rescued me first.

"Daddy!" Tears rolled down my cheeks again.

Seeing the doctor's reviving my father's life was such a pain in the heart. I was meters away from my father on the hospital bed, and the same with my father I'm also wearing a hospital gown. Maybe because of the accident.

"Miss, can you see me? Don't close your eyes, do you understand? Dont lose consciousness. Everything will be alright." it's a nurse.

"Clear!" an apparatus on the side of the hospital bed start to form a straight line.

"Daddy!" I shouted and was about to go to my dad but the nurses stopped me.

"Charged two hundred fifty Joules."

"Charged"

"Clear!"

"Another two hundred fifty joules."

"Charged"

"Clear!" but a straight line already appeared and the doctor look on his wrists watch.

Please don't say a word. please.

"Time of death 2:56 PM" No!

I run as fast as I could and stand beside my father.

"Dad?" I wiped my lone tear "Dad, I know you can hear me. Please open your eyes for me. Daddy, I'm here. Please wake up!" I was saying those in the middle of sobs. Hoping that my Father will open his eyes and tell me that this is all just a dream. But, he didn't.

"Syrah, open your eyes. Syrah, wake up. You are having a nightmare again. Wake up!"

"Daddy!" I said loudly and quickly sat down on the bed.

Chris was on my side holding my right hand and looking at me with full of care and fear.

My tears starts to roll down again and my sobs became loud as Chris hugged me and hush me down.

I don't know but I feel so hurt and it pains me a lot. Everything. Everything makes me feel in despair. I hate it and I'm so sick of it! I feel so heavy in the chest and I just couldn't do it. I want to be okay.

"Hush, Syrah. It's nothing." he said.

"My dad, " I said it before I could even forget that my memories with my dad came tonight but surely will fade tomorrow.

"I know. I know." I cried so much on his chest.

"Do you know something about it?" I asked him as I look directly into his eyes.

He doesn't have any plans to lie. I can see it on his eyes. He nooded and suddenly I feel like I'm fine. I could sleep at peace tonight. Knowing that my husband could tell me something in my past tomorrow.

"Tell me tomorrow," I said.

"I can't." he said.

"Why?" all of a sudden I lost my hope and little happiness.

"I should wait until your memories comes back. I couldn't tell or force you. It won't do any good." he said and cares my back.

"Please, Chris." I whispered in the middle of my sobs.

"Please, listen to me. We'll wait" he said and cares my back and hair.