Red

"Because you love red," I quickly looked at him as he said that. I love red? How come maybe before after the accident.

He looked at me earnestly. His looks are intimidating but at the same time it gives chills to me, I don't know why. He's the softest person for me.

He pulled me closer to him, he hugged me sideway. He grabbed my head and kissed the side of my forehead.

"W-why are you like this?" I was reluctant to tell him. Maybe one of the easiest ways to get better is to talk to people. "Is this the reason why I've fallen for you before?" we looked at each other and he gave me a small smile.

"You are giving me reasons to fall for you even more, Syrah." there's really a weird feeling whenever he calls me that name. Is it really my name? Gosh. Stop being ridiculous, Syrah! Of course it's your name.

"I never thought that this day would come. I didn't stop hoping but what happened before the accident makes me think that I wanted to stop." he took a deep breath as he looked at me.

Why do I feel like I hurt him before? Why is it like the depth of his soul, did I hurt him then?

"What happened before the accident?" I was anxious to ask him. He looked straight into my eyes and gave me a small but sincere smile.

"We fought that day. But, it doesn't matter anymore. What matters is that ... You are with me and letting me take care of you." he said while kissing me on the forehead. He's a good husband, why did I suspected him? Maybe it's just really because I lost my memories that's why I can't trust anybody since the day I woke up. But, I do trust Chris, more than anyone else.

"Syrah." he called me that name again so I looked straight into his readable eyes.

"Let me take care of you. Don't push me away again, Sy." I smiled at him and nodded. I even hugged him and feel his warm body.

Our vocation went well and I felt better since I woke up earlier in the morning. Chris and I are getting closer to each other and I'm starting to step out of my comfort zone, even it's hard. I'll still try.

"Are you sure you want to go with me?" Chris asked as he walked closer to me while adjusting his neck tie.

I approached him even before I could finish myself. I carefully adjusted his neck tie before looking him in the eye.

"Yeah, why can't I be with? Will I bother you?"

He's a CEO after all. He does a lot works every time I'm in office and I see those things. "It's fine if you don't want me to come with you-" I'm not yet done talking when he shook his head.

"It's not that, Sy. I want you to always be by my side, always close by." he says.

I took off his black coat and put it on him. He looks me straight in the eye and I can see that I'm giving him a nice service, as a wife.

"I'm just going to fix myself for a moment." he nodded and grabbed me on my elbow first as if to know. He took a big step out of the room while holding his attaché case.

I look up at the mirror and smile. I stand up straight and take self-confidence. This is it! This is the first day that I did not force myself to expose and to cup up with others.

"You can do it." I said and smiled at the reflection. "Syrah." the more I struggled the more courageous I became.

Maybe my anxiety will attack me later but I'm not going to lose. I will win this day exposing myself with others. I was with Chris on his way to the CEO office and as usual the employees we met greeted us. Just now, I smiled back at them.

"Stop smiling at them it's irritating me." Chris said in a serious tone.

"Huh? Why would my smile irritates you?" I asked him. Romie, his secretary opened the door for us. And we quickly went into his office. He went to his table and Romie and I just sat next to him.

"Tell all the heads to give me all the reports as soon as possible. And where's the other paper works? Tell them to come to the conference room after lunch. One o'clock." he commanded Romie with full of power and authority.

I've noticed that since then. He's really intimidating and scary when it comes to business but I've never seen him scolding his employees. Most of the time that I was here he was talking to workers far away from me. Maybe, he just wants me out of the toxicity.

"Right away, Boss." Romie said and walked out of the office hurriedly.

"And all the new reports of our new building site."

"Yes, boss. Just call me if you need anything." Romie said before leaving the office.

"No one should enter this office, Romie." I know Romie heard that or even he didn't, he knows about it already. That, whenever I'm here no one could enter this office but Romie, when Chris asked him.

"Your smiles are just for me." Chris got my attention because of what he said. I looked at him confused.

"I feel like I need to smile at them, Chris." I answer him and sit in the visitor's chair. He even started reading his paper works.

"Then don't feel it." I laughed because of what he said. "Why did you laugh?" he asked bitterly.

"Coz I want to. Have a problem with that?" I ask while raising my eyebrows at him. He shook his head and then he turned his attention on his work.

Hours had passed and I still have nothing to do. I was slowly getting wrapped up in boredom.

Chris's phone rang making me look at that. He answered the call without taking his attention away from work.

"Tell them to see me on the conference room." he said scary. All of a sudden, I suddenly lost my voice. It's like he's threatening someone?

"Ma'am, Sir. No one's allowed to come in Mr. De Rama's office." it's Romie's voice. He prevents a woman and a man from entering the office but it's too late.

"Shit." Chris hissed. "Didn't my secretary tell you to wait on the conference room?" Chris asked. Step two approached us. I should be trembling and feeling scared but I'm not nervous, just slight.

"So, your wife is here, Mr. De Rama." the girl on late forties said.

"Follow me." Chris said and stood up. Maybe, they'll go outside. I know, he's thinking about my issues. I'm afraid of new peoples in my sight but I'm not that afraid at this moment.

"No. We'll talk here." says a man who is only about a woman's age.

"So, you must be Mrs. De Rama, right? I'm Mrs. Ronalya Laito and he's my business co-founder." after she introduced herself and the man she's with, she held out my hand and I saw how Chris's jaw dropped. He's kinda mad at this moment, I know he's mad.

"I heard you're not fine with lots of people around you that’s why you always lock yourself. It's new that I see you here-" Chris cut her off but she didn't budge. "I've always wanted to see you and this is a great timing. A very great timing." she says and looked at Chris while smiling weirdly.

"Get. Out." Chris commanded in a very serious tone and a dark looks.

"Why, Mr. De Rama? Are you afraid that your wife will see how ruthless her husband-" the girl didn't finish what she'd been saying because the guards came to get her out of this place. But she called to me first before they could even leave the office.

"Your husband is not like what you see him. He's a ruthless person! He destroyed my life!" she said in a loud and mad voice. Romie and the guards quickly leave also.

Chris didn't move on where he's standing and I didn't even stand in my place.

My heart is beating erratically and the confidence I have earlier was slowly fading. It seemed like all of a sudden I had a bad feeling about what that woman said and because she said that Chris isn't a good guy makes me feel mad at her. And what makes me feel this weird feeling even more is because of what she called my husband! Chris is not a ruthless person.

"Syrah." it was Chris. He quickly approached and knelt in front of me.

"Are you bothered?" he still asked me that question even though he already knows the answer.

"What is she talking about? You're not a ruthless person, right? You aren't like that." I try to convince myself. I always heard what he was about. Some say that he is really autocratic and scary leader. It wasn't possible to have a stupid fool in front of my wife but to be embarrassed. But I don't care. Maybe, yes but he's not the same person.

"You're just ruthless at business, right?" I looked at him with a teary eyes. He took a deep breath and looked down at the chin quickly. He looked at me again and he seemed ready to explain.

"I'm a bad person when it comes to business, Sy." he says as if he is in trouble.

"But, that's normal when it comes to businesses. Giny once told me about that. That's all it takes, but why did she say that you're a ruthless person?" my hands started to tremble and I was suddenly scared of Chris.

"Syrah, Please don't over think." he is pleading. In just a span of time I calmed down and hugged him. I think I ruined his day by this.

The day ended quickly and his time was just over an hour like never before.

"Let's have dinner outside." he said as we walked to the elevator. His right hand supported my left elbow.

"Sure." I answered him. I looked up at her as we entered the elevator.

"Chris." I caught his attention.

"Hmm?" he answered me and before he could look at me directly, I gave him a smack kiss. That was quick and apparently that kiss didn't immediately sink into his brain. He was stunned as if he was a high school student who got noticed by his ultimate crush. He even blushed, just wow.

"You look so cute." I giggled. "Anyways, thank you." I said in a very thankful voice. He looked at me confused. "Why?" looks like he can't get back of the kiss.

"Thank you, I survived this day exposing myself on others." I said to him and held out his hand.

"I will try to expose myself more each day, Chris." I said and gave him a sweet smile.

To be honest, it's difficult for me to act this way before because I'm always afraid of something but Chris made me realize that I should show my true colors even to him. And I think I'm like this before maybe just because of what happened to me.

"You shouldn't force yourself, Sy." he said, but I quickly shook his head.

"I'm not forcing myself, Chris. I'm pursuing myself-" he cut me off.

"What's the difference with that?" he asked bitterly. "Why did you cut me off?" I asked her a question. He was about to say something or to defend himself but he chose to shut up.

"I'm sorry. You're saying?" he says.

"I think it would help me. I should really try exposing myself. What do you think? But I don't know where to start. It's just Giny and Gany because I'm comfortable talking to you."

"I'll think about it but, for now. I'd like you to know that I'm proud of you." he smiled sweetly at me. The elevator opened and his two personal guards met us. We reached our car and two guards were in the front, the other a driver.

"Where will we eat?" I asked him. "I already make a reservation. That's my friend's restaurant." he said.

A waiter welcomed us right after we arrived. The waiter escorted us to a private room, just for two.

The place looks very luxury from the lights, tables, chairs and the whole design of the room. There's a medium round table and a candle on the middle. This room is exclusive, there's only one waiter with us. Chris ordered the food for the two of us and the waiter gave us wine before leaving.

"This looks expensive." I commented.

"So?" Chris drank some wine before I could answer. "What's important is you will like the taste of the food. Weather it is expensive or what." is he spoiling me? And suddenly the question came a crossed my mind.

"Am I spoiled even before?" I asked her but instead of answering me immediately she tasted some wine again.

"Yes." he replied so I just nodded. "You love the color red. And after you wake up, you don't wear that color anymore. You prefer the light colors." he said while looking at the side curtains and the exterior of the vehicle and the view.

I returned my gaze on him. How come did I love color red? Eh I really don't like that color now. I'm upset and I don't know why.

"You are very different from before, Sy. After the accident you changed a lot. Maybe because of what happened to you." he calmly told the story.

Suddenly I was suddenly conscious. Does he like more the old me or now? Can I be the old me? How? I feel so jealous on something I can't name. Well, I suddenly got angry.

"But I like the new you better than before." I quickly looked up at him and he thought straight. Is he just saying that to ease me or what?

"I'm telling the truth. I like the new you. Not just because you are more sincere or what. I just really feel like liking you even more." he's looking at me intently. We were eating so we started eating.

"Why are you always having nightmares, Sy? That always bothers me. If you can't answer that now it's fine." I ate the steaks before looking at him.

"I don't know maybe, something about my past." I said and tasted wine.

"The last time we went to see a doctor, I asked him why I forget the memories I see every night. He said that because it was so memories and maybe forever without coming back. "

"I know. That's the reason why I can't force you to remember." he says.

"But, about my dad. Chris, do you know anything about him? Have you ever met him?"

He instantly shook his head. "I did not meet him. You don't even talk about them before so I guess you hate them because of something, so, I did not ask you about that. But, you once told me that you were an orphan."

"What?" I said in a low voice. How could that happen? I once told him that I was an orphan but, about my some memories? Is he telling the truth or what? I've always longed for my parents love. Is the scenarios I see about them were just made of my imaginative mind? Or that's real but never mind.

"Why? Do you want me to search for them?" Chris question got my attention.

"You would do that?" I asked.

"If that's what you want, why not?" a real smile suddenly form on my face.

"Thank you so much!" I thanked him not just because of his offer but because of everything he had done to me.

"If that will help you to remember, I will do it." he said. And my eyes start to get teary while my heart is flattered.

"I hate the color Red, Chris." after a minute of silence I chose to break it by saying that I hate the color I loved before. He looked at me and he just nodded.

"I see. And, I must add... You don't like the red roses but a sunflower, right?" he asked while smiling genuinely at me. I nodded right away after he concluded that.

"I don't want red for unknown reasons. It makes me feel scared and it makes my hands trembles." I told him and drink water.

"Then, I won't give any red things to you if that's the case." he smiled and continued to eat.

"My daughter, don't go to far! You are not a good swimmer." I heard a man's voice yelling at me.

Same old scenery, everything is blurry but I can hear clearly.

"C'mon dad! I will learn, watch me!" I shouted back and start to swim.

After an hour of swimming on the cold water of the beach, I get up and ran next to my father and mother.

I guess, this memory was before the accident.

My heart fluttered on the feeling that I'm with my beloved parents but the happiness starts to fade away when I remembered that this is just a memories.

Chris told me that I once told him that I was an orphan. If that's true, then who are the two people on my memories?

Wait, is that even a memory or just a scenario made by my mind? Did I just make it so it will fill my longing feelings for my parents?

No! That's a Memory. I am sure of that. I have parents. Then what's Chris talking about? Is he lying?

I opened my eyes and the sun rays that come+ from outside give chills to my morning.

My memories will fade away, again. I hope it'll come back and never going leave anymore.

I stood up and was about to go to the bathroom when a beautiful flowers on the bedside caught my attention. It's a sunflower and there's a note besides of it. I get the flowers and smell it at last I had a nice morning.

Good morning, wife. I didn't wake you up because I don't want to disturb you. Anyways, good luck!

-C. De Rama.