CRIES

Every day passes well. Sometimes my worries return but they also disappear quickly. I can't force myself to remember because my memory may be triggered and it may never come back.

I didn't go to Chris's office first. I knew he would have more difficulty moving when I was there. But for this day I will go with him.

We've talked about me, exposing myself to others. And what he thought was a good way, I'll going to help the charity under his company. And that would be fine I'd rather not do anything.

The elevator opened and Chris let me out. We walked into his office side by side. And two ladies and a man in charge welcomed our sight when we arrived at the lobby of the CEO's floor. Maybe the man is a body guard and the two ladies in front of us is a secretary or an employee here.

"Good morning, Mr. And Mrs. De Rama!" they greeted us politely and formally.

I nod at them and gave a smile while Chris's face was still bare.

"Good morning, follow me." it was Romie and he walked to the conference room here on the last floor. I looked at Chris and smiled.

"I should go. Don't worry about me." I told him. Maybe those two women will accompany me and teach me what to do. I'll be the one who'll take care of the 'De Ramas Foundation and Charity' of course with the help of the twins and Chris.

"I'm just in the office." he said and hugged me. I kissed him before walking to the conference room.

"De Rama!" someone with a manly voice said. My attention was quickly caught by the man who talked.

He's wearing a formal suite just like Chris's. Is he a businessman or what?

Chris noticed that I stopped walking and also looked at the man. He was smiling when all of his gazes are on Chris but then his emotions changed when he saw me.

Suddenly, his emotions changed and he suddenly showed an angry emotion. Did I do anything wrong to him?

He's looking at me with a mad look. My heart beats went crazily because of his stares, as if I did something wrong with him.

"So, that's the reason why you don't want me to come here, huh?" he said irrationally. "Still have a string attached to her?"

I got nervous because of his looks with unknown reasons. I turned my gaze on Chris with questioning eyes. But, Chris does have nothing emotion.

"Let's talk somewhere, Everett." Chris said with full of authority voice. But, the man name Everett just chuckled with full of sarcasm.

"What? After all of the things she did, Chris? You're a cunning and very clever businessman but you become stupid person when it comes to this bitch!" he pointed me after saying the last word. Did he just call me names?

There's no one here in the CEO's floor. Romie and the two ladies together with the body guard is inside the conference room now and I with these two men alone in this lobby.

"You're crossing the line, Everett." it was Chris. He's talking while holding back his anger.

"Go now, wife." Chris looked at me and motioned me to go to the conference room.

I was still stuck and shocked because of what's happening now. The man name Everett just laugh with full of sarcasm. He stares at me with a mad looks as if he's interrogating me from a crime I didn't do.

"I said go now!" Chris almost gave a very loud voice that made me shock in fear.

I was about to turn when the man said something below the belt.

"Wife. Wow, A bitchy wife." that made me stop. I saw how Chris gritted his teeth, He's mad. I know he's mad but still holding it back.

"Excuse me? What did you just called me?" I ask in a polite voice but the man just chuckled. It seems that my existence really irritates him.

"Go now, Syrah." every words that Chris utter makes me tremble. I think I really have to do what he said that's why I headed the way to the conference room as fast as I could.

"Follow me you, bastard!" it was Chris voice but even how much I want look back, I didn't. Thinking that Chris burst in anger.

"No need. Live your life with a bitch like her! One day she'll be like what she's before. She just lost her memories but she is still her!"

"Stop calling her names!" my heart beats seems to stop because of fear.

"Ma'am, let's proceed." Romie welcomed me in front of the door.

"Do you know him?" I asked Romie and he just look at the men on my back.

"Let's go, Ma'am." that's what he just said. Maybe, he's covering up something I shouldn't know.

"Good morning, Mrs. De Rama. Please, let us introduce ourselves formally. I am Kezi Salliana the chairwoman of the De Ramas Charity here in Manila." she said as she give me her hand. We shake our hands and smile at her even though I'm still bothered because of what happened outside.

"Nice meeting you, Miss Salliana." I said in a formal voice then I turned my attention on the girl besides her.

"Good morning, Mrs. De Rama. I'm Mari Salliana, her sister." she stopped as she looks at Kezi. "I will be your personal assistant and I'll be the one who's going to help you on everything you need to know. It's really nice to meet you, Ma'am!" she said that politely and she's wearing a very decent smile.

"It's a pleasure to meet you." I got cut off when the door opened and closed in just a span of seconds. Romie went outside maybe he has lots of things to do more important than this. He's still the Executive secretary afterall.

"Shall we take a seat, Ma'am?" it was Kezi. I nodded and sat on the CEO's chair while they're on the right side of me, sitting next to each other.

"Mr. De Rama called me and he told me if you can help to manage the charity because he thinks that it'll help you and he also said that you want it right, Ma'am." I just gave a nod for my answer, still bothered of what's going on outside. Is the man Everett is there? Are they fighting?

"First of all, I would like to thank you in behalf of the charity. And the kids will be happy to see you. I hope you'll be happy and get along with them."

My attention was still on the opaque door but I see no one outside. Where are they maybe on the office?

"Ma'am?" a lady’s voice

"Mrs. De Rama?" I got cut of guards. I looked at them nervously.

"Are you fine, Mrs. De Rama?" Kezi asked me.

"Oh, I'm sorry. What were you saying?"

She smiled and continued to talk. As much as possible I gave all my attention onto this meeting so I could divert my bothered feelings because of what happened earlier.

"So, can we know when will you start seeing and going to the orphanage?" Kezi asked me as she's organizing her things. The meeting just ended now.

"I can start tomorrow if that's okay." Kezi nodded while smiling. Mari and I stood up, we're about to leave.

"Of course, ma'am. That would be so much fun. Just in form me when you need to know something."

"Alright, thank you." I smiled and she does the same thing.

"So much thank you, Ma'am. I'll get going now." Kezi said and she's the one who leave the room first.

"Let's go." Mari motioned her hands on the door.

"Yeah, Let's go." I'm the first one who stepped out of the room but before I con near my husband's office my phone beeped.

I took my phone from my bag and I got a message from Gany.

From Gany:

Are you fine? Let's see each other. I'm on the parking lot of the building.

"Ahm, Mari I think you must go to the things you need to do." I looked at her and a confused face welcomed me.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I have nothing to do but to be your personal assistant, Ma'am." she in formed me.

"Oh, If that's the case... Do I have something to do?"

"Yes, Ma'am. You have to meet Mrs. Anzien Ramclas. She'll be the one who'll teach you how to cup

"Huh? Are you sure with that? I didn't know that I'll see someone like her. I mean, Chris didn't tell me about that."

"Ah, about that maybe, Mr. De Rama just forgot to tell you." she's right. Chris has a lot of works to do.

"What time is that meeting?" I asked her and then she looked on her Ipad immediately.

“One hour from now, Ma’am.” I nodded at that.

If I have someone to meet up I can't be with Gany but she's already on the parking lot now. It'll be if I'll just ignore her.

"I need to go downstairs. Just wait for me here. And if Chris happens to ask you where am I told him that I'll see his cousin downstairs."

"Don't you need me to come with you?" she asked but I just smiled at her and nod.

"Stay here." after I said that I walked towards the elevator.

The CEO office is on the top floor of this building which is the sixtieth floor and I'm on the fifty seventh floor now and the door opens.

I got shocked because of the person in front of me. He looks familiar and in seconds of seeing his face made my heart and mind hurt, as if I remember something.

He's the chubby nerdy guy I saw on the mall last time. And when I saw him... I remember something from my past. I remember little happenings in my past.

I closed my eyes hoping that I would remember something but, no... I can't see anything. I can't remember anything.

He took a deep breath before getting inside. He's also shock like me and he looks afraid also. Why does he have that aura whenever he sees me? It's like he did something to me before but he already repented.

"Lyca," he said in a fear and shaky voice.

My heart beats starts to go crazy and scared as if he knows me and or something about me before.

Whenever Chris and everyone I used to know since the day I woke up calls me Syrah feels so different and weird. It's like I think that name does not belongs to me. But, now that this guy called me with that name I feel like he's really talking to me.

"I'm so sorry." he said that in a very mournful voice.

"Why did you take it back?!" I shouted as everyone on my side is pulling me out of him. I was attacking him for a very important reason. I don't know what to do but the anger in me was blasting out. Anger with pain, I'm exhausted.

My tears began to fall as I see something blurry in the past.

"You know the truth! You told me about that! How could you take it back? How could you let them out behind the bars!" I was shouting with full of madness and disappointments. He did not move nor protect himself from me attacks, it's like he prefers receiving my wrath because of what happened.

"I-I'm s-sorry, Lyca." he said that in a shaky voice while his hands are also trembling.

My head starts to feel severe pain and my eye sights start to get blurry.

"Don't you ever show your face on me ever again!"

Cold sweat was forming on my forehead and my hands shakes for unknown reason.

"I know, you t-told m-me not to show my face on you. But, I do really have reasons why I take it back. They blackmailed me, they even threatened my family. They said we'll suffer if I continue to be your witness. I'm so sorry, Lyca."

"W-what are you talking about?" I closed my eyes and rest it for a second.

He looked at me with a confused face. The door opened showing other employees.

"Mrs. De Rama." they said surprised.

"Zykie, what are doing inside? You shouldn't share the elevator with Mrs. De Rama." said by a late forties woman. If I'm not mistaken she's the head of a team in finance.

She looked at me with a very sorry and the she pulled the guy beside me out of the elevator.

"Our apology, Mrs. De Rama." they vowed their heads but the guy didn't move and still look shock on something.

"So, that's true." he whispered getting our attention.

"What are you talking about?" says by the girl standing beside the head of their team.

The door was about to close but I stopped it right away. I have to ask him and confirm if he's someone from my past or what.

"You were saying, what?" I ask while my heart is beating faster than the usual. I hope he'll say he knew me but he shook his head immediately.

"I'm sorry, Miss. I mistook you from someone else." he then said and vowed. I feel strange about it. I feel like he doesn't really mistake me from someone else.

"What? You mistook her from someone else? How could you." the girl again.

Before he can answer the girl the door starts to close and I didn't bother on stopping it. They just vowed their heads as the door closed.

"Lyca." I uttered the name he said. "He mistook me from someone else? Did he really mistake me from someone else?" I asked myself confused.

But, my memories are connected on what he said. I also remember something whenever I get to see him.

The door opens telling me that I'm already on the basement two. Gany's already here for sure. I just take one step out and I wasn't wrong, she's already there, waiting for me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her.

"Did my brother did something to you? Did he hurt you or call you names?" she worriedly asked. So that Everett was her and Giny's brother. I nodded saying yes to her questions.

"What?!" she's shock as hell because of what I did.

"What did he do to you? Where's him? Where's Chris? Where are they?" she continually asked as if something going to happen.

"Why do you look so worried sick? Did something bad happen? Is something wrong might happen?" I answered her with questions too and she just breathe in exhaustion.

"He just stares at me weirdly and called me a bitchy wife. Why does your brother seems so mad at me? Did I do something wrong to him before?" she just gave me a mix emotions eyes and then shook her head. But, before she can even answer my question the door of the elevator open showing Chris inside.

He stepped out then walked near me and Gany. His eyes were all settled on Gany as if she did something he doesn't want.

"What are you doing here?" Chris asked.

"I just see Gany here before my meeting with the girl you told Mari about. I answered right away but he didn't give any responses and his eyes were still on Gany, looks like he's not talking to me but on Gany.

"I just asked her on something." Gany replied while looking directly on my husband's eyes. "Anyways, I'll get going. See you soon, Syrah." she said before leaving.

And because she mentioned the name Syrah I remembered the guy on the elevator earlier. He didn't call me Syrah and he even said that he mistook me from someone else. Damn! This is so frustrating.

I take out a deep breath and my head suddenly hurts because of what happened. Still not on the half of the day but it feels like I've been through a lot.

"Let's go upstairs, Sy." Chris said before walking in front of the elevator. I followed him and didn't say any word. It's not because I know he's on a bad mood but because I don't feel like talking. My head hurts because of thinking a lot and because of my forgotten memories that keeps on coming back and fading away.

"Are you fine?" Chris asked with no emotion. I nodded at him without telling a word.

I don't want to talk. I just want to keep the silence and think calmly of everything that happened today.

At last the day ended. After of what happened in the morning I had a hard time meeting with Mrs. Ramclas but I had a time to get rest on the afternoon. She taught me on how to act being the wife of a CEO and something related on the business.

"I'm tired." I said while sitting on the bed. I rested my back on the headboard and wait until Chris goes out of the bathroom.

"So, you must be really tired. Ms. Salliana told me that you want to go on the orphanage tomorrow. You'll be needing energy so you must take a sleep and rest now." he says and sit right beside me. I nodded on what he said, he's right. I really need to take a rest.

"Do you want me to come with you tomorrow?" he asked out of nowhere. I shook my head right off.

"You have lots of things to do. I'm fine." I said and then he just smiled so did I.

"If that is the case then fine. Let's rest now."

Right after I lay in bed I instantly fall asleep. I do really need to take a rest. This day is very tiring and what happened in the morning drained my mind.

"I'm glad to see you being fine again, my daughter." things happened quickly and now I'm already inside of a familiar car. I was sitting on the passenger seat while the man beside me is driving.

"I'm doing great, dad! Are you proud of me? Of course, you are!" I said in a genuine and happy voice.

The scene is blurry but I can manage to see a little and hear clearly.

"So proud. So much proud of you, my princess. You overcome those dark chapters. I hope you'll remain strong no matter how hard the problems that life will give you."

"Daddy," I said fluttering.

"Promise me no matter what happen you'll remain strong and stand up firmly." I nodded after he said those words.

"Of course! I am not a Perez for nothing!" I said and then we both laughed at each other. But our laughs cut off when a truck and a bus hit each other and unfortunately, we also got hit because we're near them.

"Baby." it's my dad's weak voice trying to wake me up. "B-baby, w-wake u-up."

I opened my eyes and see everything. It's really a familiar scene. Our car is upside down and we're both bloody, it's because... This is an accident. An accident I had together my dad. But, I survived.

"L-live, b-baby. Y-you s-should l-live." he said and a lone tear escaped his eyes.

I feel like my heart was caged for another time, again. I want to wake him but I'm too scared that he might not show any responses. I'm scared, totally scared, I can't lose another.

"Daddy." I said and then tears rolled down my face.

From this moment, I have nothing emotion but anger.

I've been through a lot of things. I got molested, my mom died and now that I'm somehow recovering from everything... This accident happened. Why? Why did I do to deserve this pain to deserve this painful life? Am I bad person?!

Yes, I'm mad. I'm mad because why would in a lot of people in the world, why me? Why do I have to face the warmth of the world? Do I really deserve to suffer?

If something bad will happen to my dad, I don't think I can still make it. I don't think that I can still stand up, again.

"Time of death 2:56 PM." the doctor announced making me nailed on where I'm standing.

"No!" I whispered as I look on the man lying on the hospital bed. "No!" I shouted while crying. I ran hurriedly next to my dad while crying out loud.

"Daddy! Wake up! C'mon! Daddy, please! Don't leave me! Daddy!" as I heard my loud and broken voice... It broke my heart even more.

"Daddy," I cried once again while waking my dad even I know he won't.

Such a hopeless lady how could I overcome it? I don't have anybody to lean on.

"I'm so sorry for your lost, Miss." a men said that but I didn't look at them. I remained my attention on the casket in front of me.

"Miss, you should rest. I'll take care of everything here." I look at the man in front of me, he looks worried sick. He pities me, they pities me for what am I now.

"Take care of the company now, Rogger." I said then I feel asleep.

Tears kept on rolling down my face as I woke up the next morning. I woke up with a heavy and tired heart. I just remember something from the past and I know it'll fade later on. I really need to see a doctor and as for a therapy. Maybe that would help me even just a little. But, not now I have to take it easy. Besides, not every memory that's coming back to me is fading, just some.

"Kids, say Good Morning to Mrs. Syrah De Rama." it was Kezi telling the kids in front of us to greet me.

I looked at them earnestly. I wanted to have bond with them but I'm still exhausted, I don't know if it'll be fun.

"Good Morning, Mrs. Syrah De Rama." they said joyfully that made me smile.

"Good Morning, kids!" I greeted them back.

Where about to have fun when a loud cry of a kid on somewhere near hear caught our attention. What was that?

"Who's that? What's happening?" Kezi walked towards on the back of this huge living room. I followed her and we stopped on the kitchen.

"Omy gosh!" I got shocked because of what I see.

There's a little girl holding a kitchen scissors and her left wrist was full of blood.

"Get her now! Bring her to the clinic!" it was Kezi giving orders to the workers here in the charity.

And because of that... My memories come to see me once again.

I cut my wrists and because of that, bloods are now visible on my sights. I saw my dad died full of bloods on his face and whole body. I cannot forget anything about blood. And that makes me hate the color red even more. I've been through a lot, I've been through a bloody battle in my life. But, even how much it's hard to win the battle I chose to fight. I may not win but at least I survived. That's what matters now.

I miss my dad. I miss my mom. I feel so alone. Why did they have to leave me?

The laughs and smiles they gave me. They showed me the beauty of the fragile and unfair world. They gave me more than what I deserve as a daughter. But, a tragedy took them away from me.

How could I love the color Red when it's the reason why I always cry?

"I hate red because... It reminds me of blood."