RAPID

"I hate red because... it reminds me of bloods."

The bloody wrists of the little girl on the orphanage and her cries makes me feel something mutual. It's like, I can feel and understand why she did that.

I sat on the edge of our bed trying not to pass out. I kept on fighting not to lose consciousness but in the end, I lose. But, before everything went black, I saw a picture on a frame. A picture of someone and Chris, hiding on a transparent closet.

"When will she gain consciousness, Doc? It's been a day." a familiar baritone voice woke me up from sleeping.

"She will wake up soon, Mr. De Rama. Let's just wait. We should let her take a rest that would be good for her condition."

Slowly, I opened my eyes and a familiar white room welcomed my sight. I'm bedridden and a smell of a hospital's things and a medicine confirmed me that I'm in the hospital, again.

"She's awake." a girly familiar tone said.

"Syrah." Chris ran next to me hurriedly. And a worried emotion was all written on his face.

"Excuse me." the doctor and Chris swapped on each other's position.

The doctor checked and did different examination on me. Maybe, they'll examine me again to check my condition and to know if I'm fine or what.

"Mrs. De Rama, can we talk?" I turned my gaze on Dr. Roneil Giba, I know him. He's my doctor since then.

I looked at Chris before nodding.

"Why, doc?" I asked him and he gave a small smile before asking me different questions.

"Are you stressing yourself? What happened to you is a caused of fatigue." he calmly said. "What I mean is, are you forcing yourself to remember something in the past? I know, you want to remember but... Did you just force yourself even though you know that you can't do that." I looked down because somehow, I forced myself but not every time. And also, Chris is looking at me intently.

I look at them with a usual emotion and I stuck my gazes on Chris. Trying to see if he's mad or what.

Yes, I forced myself on remembering my past but in just a few times. I was just really desperate to remember. But as much as I remember I did not force myself to the point that my memories will be triggered. I didn't know.

My memories itself are coming back most of the time, in unexpected time but then, it'll fades immediately. But, when I saw the chubby nerdy guy... I really forced myself to remember, because whenever I see him, I see something in my past.

"N-no I-Ididn't do that." said by me in a very low and fragile voice and yes I lied.

Dr. Roniel nodded before starts to ask another question.

"How about... Did you just remember even a glitch from your past? You have to tell me, Syrah." he said in a very serious voice.

Suddenly, my heart starts to go crazy on beating. I looked at Chris and Giny with an expression that I don't want them to hear anything, that, I don't want them to stay and hear whatever I'll say.

"Syrah, why?" Chris asked. He looks really confused because of me.

"I think we gotta go and wait outside, Chris." it was Giny, she's looking at me while trying to convince Chris that they should wait outside.

But, Chris doesn't want to. He even looked at Dr. Roneil with a frowned face but in the end I won on setting them outside. Chris took a deep sigh before leaving with Giny. I waited until the door closed before telling my doctor what's happening in me these past few days.

"You told me before that I'll remember some of my memories but it's also possible that I'll forget it right away." he nodded while looking and listening to me earnestly.

"Every night, I'm having a nightmares and I see a glitch of my forgotten memories."

"How sure are you that that's memories?" he asked and still looking at me, he's also observing my words.

"I don't know... I just feel that... That's a memory, forgotten memories of mine."

"You know, Mrs. De Rama. It could be just a dream." he paused for a moment and adjusted his round eye glasses. "But, there's still a fifty percent possibility that what you've see is a forgotten memories."

"When will I remember?" I asked myself and for sure he heard my own question.

"We don't know. We can't force that. You shouldn't force yourself on remembering, Syrah. Your memories might be trigger and if that happens." he stopped again. "Your memories might not come back ever again." my eyes are dried but deep inside of me was shouting something, I'm shouting a words with no exact meanings.

He was about to leave when I say something I've never planned on telling telling someone. Because, If I'll tell them... I know they won't believe me even me, myself. I don't really believe in myself but the guts, the strange feelings. And the chubby nerdy guy added fuel on my burning weird feelings.

"I don't think, I'm Mrs. Syrah De Rama."

They might think that I'm suffering from a mental illness or I should go and check a Psychiatrist. Who would believe me that? That's just a feeling that maybe made by my imaginative mind.

"You know what I really like tulips and sunflower." a memory came again.

I'm in a park while holding a sunflower with someone.

"I know." he answered shortly. I looked at him but my sights are really blurry.

I laughed at him and then punched him on his arm. "Funny, is that all you'll say 'I know? Seriously?" I said joyfully and the man just smiled.

Looks like, this memory is a happy memory.

"Hey! Do you like me?" I asked confidently and the man besides me blushed that made me laugh even more. "So, you like me?"

The guy was wearing an eyeglasses but despite of looking that way, his handsome face were really shouting. He's wearing a school uniform and so am I but we don't have the same uniform. His uniform looks really expensive, a white long sleeves inside with a black necktie and a gray coat with a different shaped logo. A uniform that's just for an International school, well I'm studying on a prestigious school but my uniform is simple not like theirs.

"You're still young. Stop acting like that." he mentioned a name, my name... but, suddenly I didn't hear it right.

"But, will you marry me when I get on the right age?" I asked.

"You're just twelve how could you ask something like that? I don't like girls younger than me." he impatiently said.

I pouted on what he said... I'm hurt.

"Hey, are you mad?" he asked and get my attention but I just rolled my eyes on him.

"I hate you!" I hissed but then he just laughed nonchalantly.

"Hate me now, Love me later." he sexily said. "I'll marry you when I got back here. So, don't you dare try to have a boyfriend huh?"

"Promise?" I asked. .

"No need to promise. I'll keep my words."

After he said that... I can't hide the amuzed smile on my face and I suddenly blushed because of his words.

"Why are you blushing?" he laughed.

"What so funny Chris?" I asked.

The park turned to a house that looks like a mansion. Am I dreaming or my memories are just coming back?

"My daughter, come on here!" and then they laughed. A real laughed.

A lone tear rolled down my face not because of sadness but because of joy. Finally, I saw happy memories.

"Hi, Mommy! Hi, Daddy!"

My heart was beating happily while seeing this scene. I know, I know it's not a dream but a memory. I hope I won't forget this. I feel so envious but happy. Finally, half of my longing feelings had been filled by this.

"Where have you been? C'mon eat now." the woman put different dishes on my plate.

"Mom," I uttered.

"You should eat a lot. By tomorrow your junior high school life starts." it's my dad.

"I will. I'm kind of excited but nervous, wish me luck!" and then they laughed.

A lone tear escaped my eyes then rolled on my face. The tears aren't falling because of sadness but because of joy. Finally, a happy memory came to see me.

I opened my eyes and Chris body figure welcomed my sight. He's not looking on me but on the wall while talking to someone over the phone. Looks like it’s still night and he's still not yet sleeping.

I feel asleep after my conversation with Dr. Roniel earlier. This is the first ever time that I wake up happy after my accident. I waited my memories to fade but it didn't. I cried for another time because of happiness, I remember happy memories from my past and it didn't fade away.

Should I keep it to myself and wait until I fully recover or should I tell Chris about it? I prefer the first choice.

Chris ended up the call and he was about to go outside when I talked.

"Why aren't you sleeping? It's already midnight." I said and turn my gaze on the wall clock. It's already twelve midnight. He turned and walked towards me.

"You're awake. What do you need?" he asked and the smile he gave to me didn't cover the weariness on his face.

"I need you to rest." I said and hold his hands. He immediately looked at our hands and look directly into my eyes. "C'mon, sleep now, Chris."

He sat on the chair beside my bed and he lean his head on the side of my left arm. He's still not yet closing his eyes so I brush his hair using my fingers and minutes had passed he fell asleep so did I.

Morning came and the doctor told us that I can now go home and take a rest. So, now I'm already on our bedroom still bedridden.

I looked at Chris and he's fixing my things that we brought to tell hospital.

"Are you going to work today, Chris?" he looked at me because of my question and he shook his head right away.

I was about to ask another question when someone knock on our door three times.

"Sir, Ma'am Gany and Sir Everett are here." it's one of our maids. Chris gave me a glance before letting out a sigh.

"Tell them to wait." he commanded. I get up making Chris stared at me.

"What do you think you're doing?" he said.

"I want to go down with you and don't stop me." I told him before going outside first, he then, followed me.

"Everett would just stress you." he walked besides me.

"He won't." I continue walking and so he does the same.

"If you got stressed out again, Sy-" before he could even finished I cut him off.

"Just shut up, okay?" I said and gave him a puppy eyes look.

"Fine,” I exclaimed.

"Syrah!" Gany almost shouted and ran near me. "How are you? Are you really fine now?" she asked me worriedly but I just smiled and nodded.

"What are you trying to do, Syrah?" I don't want to look at Everett not because he might stress me out but because I don't feel like he's talking to me. "What's your act now?"

"Everett, I'm warning you." Chris in a dark baritone voice but Everett just smirked.

"Whatever." and the he leave. Chris followed him that's why Gany and I left here in the living room.

We walked towards the pool area, my favorite part of the house.

"Gany." I called her and paused for a moment. "Can you tell me why your brother is acting that way to me? Yes, I remember something in my past but I'm not yet fully recover. And to be honest, I don't see you guys on my memories." she nodded before sitting on the recliner and I sat beside her.

"Well, I don't know if it will help." she said and looked at the pool. "Giny and I really don't know you before, we came from the states, remember? And I just heard this before." she paused before continuing. "I heard that you were a bitchy wife to my cousin." she stopped and looked at him but I just nod my head telling her to continue.

"That, you just marry my cousin for money. Your attitudes are really trashy and everything about you is a trash. But, my cousin didn't stop you. Until you've crossed the lines. Someone saw you with another guy and you stole a millions income of Chris's company." I got shocked because of what she had told me.

Is that true? I did those? What the heck? Am I that bad person? But why would I do that?

"I got mad at you because of that. Not just me but the whole family, they even want Chris to annul you. But, we just heard that you got on an accident and been coma for months." so, that's why they're all cold to me when I met Chris's family.

"But, Syrah when I met you, you changed a lot from what I heard. They say you always shouted at the maids when they did something stupid in front of you, go on shopping every day, loves luxury and an outgoing person. I don't if you just changed because you lost your memories or you really changed to a good person but whatever it is... I know you're different from before, you're trying to change and that what's matter." she said and I take out a deep sigh because of that.

I don't really believe that I did such but there's still a possibility.

"Do I have a family or what?" I asked her but she shook her head.

"I don't know really, Sy. I just met you when you woke up from coma. But, they said. You don't have any. Why? What do you remember?" she asked.

"I don't know. I hope, I'm not the one who did all of those to Chris." she froze and then looked at me with a questioning look. "But, if I did that... Why didn't Chris annul me? Does he love me that much?"

"I don't know either, ask me yourself." we both agreed to that. I should have asked Chris that.

My memories aren't really connected from what they've been telling me. Yes, there's a picture of me with Chris here, in this house. But, there's a chance that I'm not that girl.

First, my memories aren't connected. Second, my strange feeling and third, the chubby nerdy guy... What he said is connected and I remembered something when I saw him, so there's a possibility that he know me.

I should see that guy. I should ask him who's that Lyca. And why does his sorry is connected to my memories on the court? He is really part of my past.

I should find myself.

The sun's gonna go now because it's the moon's time. I'm on the mansion's rooftop, feeling the breeze and the view when someone stand beside me.

"Are you fine?" I know he'll ask me that but I asked him first. "You've been restless, because of the company and me."

"Yeah." he said. "How about you?"

Instead of answering his question, I gave him another question.

"Why didn't you annul me? If I was a bitchy wife?" I directly asked making him look at me but my attention was still on the sky.

"How did you know-" I cut him off because I don't want to get sugar coated this time.

"Just answer me bluntly, Chris." he take a deep sigh before answering my question.

"I was about. The fight I told you before... I told that we fought before your accident right? We're going to file an annulment but after three days you did not come to see me nor you lawyer and I got a call that my wife had a car accident and on a critical condition. " he paused then continue. "My madness didn't just end just because you got on a car accident. I mean, you did a lot of bitchy things... But, don't think about that anymore. That doesn't matter."

"Continue." I said still not looking on him.

"And when I saw you, comatose... I remember why did I marry you. And then, I answered myself. 'I have to keep the promise. I should give you another chance."

The Promise.

"I should give you another chance even though you changed. From the young cheerful girl to someone... You know, bitchy." I nodded my head.

It makes sense a little bit.

"Do you think, I have a twins?" because of that question I saw how his face frowned.

"Twin?" he asked but I shook my head and smile at him.

Now, we're facing with each other while the sun's going down. I felt satisfied whenever I'm with Chris. I feel fine. I feel so home.

"When, I woke up... What did you feel?" my heart starts to beat erratically.

"I feel home. Like, after that accident. I feel like I'm with the girl I used to know before I went to states. And each day that passes I learnt to forgive and forget." he stopped and smiled at me.

"I told myself that I won't let you go and will stay with you."

My heart beats rapidly not just because of his words but because of his existence. My heart is beating rapidly whenever this man is around. Suddenly, a tear fall from my eye making his forehead curled.

What if... I'm not really your wife? Would you accept me if you'll know what I've been through?

I can't still remember everything from my past but what's clear to me is... I had a dark chapter, a very dark chapters. And, I'm not yet ready to remember everything.

For now, I'm choosing not to remember anything... I'm choosing to be his wife.

No matter what. I would be his wife.

He step forward to me and gave me a kiss on my forehead.

My heart is beating rapidly and I can't stop but to fall in love with this ruthless businessman, cold and snob but smooth and caring husband.

I wish I am really your wife.