The feeling inside my chest is like demolition, a shattering feeling that cages my chest as my breathing hitches.  I feel hot all over and not in a good way in the slightest. Without pausing for a second to think, I slam the door right back in the faces of the two fake smiles directed at me with much more force than i opened it. 

Fuming, I turn around with so much force it's like my neck would snap to meet another two pairs of eyes staring watchfully at me, one panicked and one without quite the concentration.

"What- the - actual- fuck!" I take huge steps towards the people I've known to be my family, "Can someone tell me what the fuck Andrew and that 'thing' are doing in front of the door?"

I watch Kyle swallow hard and murmur something i can't hear under his breath. Caroline on the other hand looks composed, and with a sigh she takes a step forward, grabs my hand in hers and says "come with me."

Willing myself to not act anymore immature than i already did and avert from pouring out all of my anger on a woman who has always been so good to me all my life, I shut my eyes and suck in multiple deep breaths then pull my hand away from hers but still follow her through the connecting kitchen door never the less.

I stop walking before she does, crossing my arms across my chest and below my breasts before giving her an unintentional irritated look with a lifted brow. To say i am disappointed would be an understatement, I'm devastated and hurt that she would lie to me about something like this. To think that i actually spent my evening running from rolls to columns, shopping for the right stuff to make the best meal for Caroline's so called 'old friends' unknown to me that it was the one human that i despised the most in the world.

"I would apologize but i want you to understand that i didn't set this up in any intention to offend you." She starts making me scoff loudly and frantically shake my head in disbelief. 

"If i don't look offended right now then i must be a pretty good actress."

"Lexa." She says with a very serious tone as if she's trying to make me understand a logic that she's yet to explain. But then the brown of her eyes soften ever so lightly as she looks down at me with what i would normally call a motherly affection if i am not so angry right now. "I want you to listen to me carefully before you say anything else. Andrew is your father."

I scoff even more loudly, "Not to me." 

"And he's made mistakes..."

"Mistakes? Mistakes? Do you know what the fuck that means coming from you?" I yell, loosing my shit even though she asked me to listen and understand first before i blow up, but i can't. My blood steam right now is a ticking cannon "Have you forgotten? Have you forgotten everything he's done?!"

"I haven't." The words fall out softly from her lips even though the look in her eyes say nothing but. "Trust me, i don't like him as much as you do but he's making an effort, he wants be a better man, a better husband to his new wife and a better father to you."

I shake my head disapprovingly and head for the door "I can't do this right now!"

"Don't walk out on me Lexa." It's not demanding, it's not commanding, it's pleading, her soft sweet but faint English accent dancing through my ears and i make a halt in front of the door. "I would have told you sooner, if i thought you'd be a little compliant, clearly i was right not to."

"So it's my fault?" My voice lifts a little higher, I feel the blood rush up my veins. I'm angry that once again the reason I ran a way from the house found it's way to chase my down, I'm angry that i had thought all of this family drama was over but it's clearly not.

"No, it's not your fault Lexa." She takes calculated steps closer to where i stand and this time i don't back away. Grabbing both my hands in hers, she looks me in the eyes and says very softly "I'm just asking you to understand that having a personal vendetta with the man who birthed you isn't the right way to go about. I know it's hard for you and believe me it's hard for me too, but I've seen it Lexi, he's changed and he's willing to do anything to get you back..."

"He never had me." My voice cracks, so very lightly the words fall of my lips but it isn't with vile or hate or resentment, it's a battle with the inner voice in my head telling me not to listen to what my godmother has to say even though she's speaking reason.

"But he wants to change that." Her eyes are pleading with mine as she stares down at my glassy ones. "If you can't do it for me, they at least do it for your mum. She would have wanted you to be happy, even if it is with the one person she despised the most."

"How do you do it? How are you so okay with this?"

The smile that stretches her face is soft and almost sad but understanding "Life is a terrifying place, but what makes it even more scary it having to face demons yet not being able to free yourself from them, not being able to fight your battles, we all want an escape but it's never always like that and most times we do, yes we do want freedom but we can never have that freedom if you don't give yourself the closure that you need." Her smooth and soft fingers brushes my cheeks and she gives me that enchanting smile of hers again and walks out of the kitchen but stops at the door and says before making her way out.

"You're smart Lexa, and strong, I'm sure you know what to do."

I stand there for a few more minutes sinking in her words and contemplating my next decision, maybe she is right, maybe it won't hurt so much to just sit in a dinning table with them for a few minutes and have dinner, although the last time i tried that it didn't exactly end well but... To hell with it.

Groaning out loudly i walk out of the kitchen convincing my self to suck it up because it would be over in a few minutes.

And even as i predicted things wouldn't go so well, I guess I'm not even ready still for the storm that is waiting for me out there.

****

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